Local students were forced to cram onto the shitty, dusty oval at the back of the school today under threats of high explosives somewhere in the school.
At around 1:50pm on Friday the 8th of November, as students were half-way through major exams, discussing their marks with teachers, or even watching Beetlejuice, an alarm sounded, signalling the immediate evacuation of the main school area. The alarm employed was actually the 'shut in' alarm, meaning all doors and windows must be closed and everyone remain inside, but this screw-up was navigated out of by some teacher running around telling everyone to congregate on the oval. As an eyewitness on the scene, I heard many students say "What is this shit?", with one teacher adding "For God's sake, would you piss off and find your own teacher?"
The bomb threat eventuated to be a hoax, probably from an annoyed ex-pupil, a bored person who lives in Nambour, or perhaps even a child left unattended at a public phone box.

Sr. Sgt. Thomas Bilko of the Nambour Police Department Bomb Hoax Investigations Unit

"We do have one lead, and we are attempting to follow it through," Sr. Sgt. Thomas Bilko of the Nambour Police Department Bomb Hoax Investigations Unit said. "Apparently the cleaner had some dialogue with someone we believe to be the purpetrator in these scumbag activities, so we hope to also have some dialogue with that guy. The cleaner I mean. Yeah..." he continued distractedly, before going off to talk to some grade nine girls.
We traced down the cleaner to ask him his version of events.
"I'd just removed a vegemite sandwich from one of the senior boy's lavotory units, when a chubby, blond haired youth approached me. He said something like, 'there's a bomb about to go off in cubicle six, you'd better do something about it before anyone gets hurt'. It completely floored me, so I ran up to the acting principal's office and told him what happened. He did the sensible thing and sounded the alarm."
Interested in the ordeal our kids just went though, I went around the students, and asked them what they though of the whole fiasco:

DJ Coghlan: It was shithouse. Some grade 12 kid kept looking at me on the oval, and my fat friend almost hit me after I called him fat. No wait, I called him a bull. Well, the important thing is I implied he was fat.

Thomas Marshall, yr 8: It was one of the most harrowing experiences I've ever been through. I thank God I survived. I was so, so incredibly scared. It was during a free period, so I didn't have a teacher to stand around. I didn't have someone to talk to, someone to hold my hand. I went to some other teacher for comfort but she told me to piss off. I was truly, madly, incredibly terrified the whole time.

Matthew Strain, yr 12: It sucked, buddy. We had to walk the whole way across the oval, and the school didn't even blow up. Disappointing. It was lucky I'd already done a shit though, cause we weren't allowed to move for a good hour. Actually, the alarm went off right after I'd had a big bog; just seconds in fact, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I hope the cleaner got around to fixing the toilet up. He was in there at the time, eating a vegemite sandwich, and I said to him, "Mate, I just planted bit of a whopper bomber in cubicle six over there, I think you'll wanna check it out before she hurts someone, ah haha". It was like no-one ever blocked up a dunny before, his face just washed over with terror after I finished talking. Maybe it was the sandwich.

Maybe it was the sandwich.
Either way, it adds another incredible chapter into the saga of the graduating class of 2002. First, it was that Aboriginal thing they went to in year seven. Then, Matt Strain and I's shocking expulsion from some High School.
And now, this.
On a day that will go down in infamy, November 8th was the day when heroes were born, lots of kids got pissed off for having to walk around, and Matt Strain added another notch to his toilet-breaking belt.