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The real reason(s) Matt Got Expelled
If you ask Matt why he got expelled, he will undoubtedly tell you it was for making fun of retarded people, or some crap like that.
But since Matt is such a lying little whore, you can hardly believe that the above is the actual reason for his expulsion. Matt, no-one's actually going to believe that you can get expelled for making fun of kids.
The Volcomstalker office has been informed by several sauces that Matt's expulsion fabrications were a plot to cover up and avert accusations away from what he was really expelled for: Making carnal avances towards senior, male members of staff.
Said one witness,
Terrified Teacher: "He said my speedos were 'rad'"
Speedos: No comment.
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"I think it's a shame when a young man can't get chicks. But it's a fucking tragedy when a young man tries to go for a middle-aged High School teacher."
Eyewitnesses recall a snowball in Matt's strange behaviour, starting from as early as Febuary 1998.
"I remember it vividly. It was the swimming carnival, and Matt commented on my speedos, saying they were 'very nice and snuggly', and quite 'rad'. It's a wonder that kid's still alive." said one terrified staff member.
From then, Matt's behaviour elevated and festered into something a whole lot worse.
"I recall a maths lesson with Matt one day. We were learning about Pythagorus' thereom, and triangles and stuff, when Matt stands up with a compass and asks me, 'Sir, if I was to multiply the cosine of an equilateral triangle by the sum of it's opposing angles, would I be able to fit this entire compass up my urethra?' I was mortified" explains the pensive teacher.
A Volcomstalker staff member (me), asked around and made a complete list of Matthew's offensive advances towards male members of staff. Some of the more interesting include:
- Tapping of the crutch, then winking
- Winking, then tapping of the crutch
- Rubbing of prey's back with his ample breasts
- Frequent "accidents" resulting in Matt's crutch bumping the rear of surprised teacher
- Consistent dropping and subsequent picking up of pens and books, 'forcing' Matt to bend over and reveal a generous behind.
This list could have been a lot more distressing, had I not used more discretion in the writing.
"Well, yeh, at first I thought it was just Matt being a dick, as per. But... then he got a little weirder. I was ok with his flirtatious winks, but when he starting patting his balls and playing with his nipples in full view of the whole class, I started getting nevous. And then, when he rubbed his crutch against my desk and repeatedly moaned my name under his breath, I... well, I just broke down and cried." One of his ex-teachers told us, through tears and uneasy pauses.
Yep, there you go people. I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not Matt is lying when he tells you about his whacky misadventures concerning his expulsion. But come on, could there be any more conclusive evidence supporting that Matt's a liar and a fag? I think not. Case dismissed. Bailiff, lead out Mr Strain into the pit of rhinocerous dung. And kick him in the arse aswell.
Thank you.
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