Headlines - 21 May 2000

GM Ships One Millionth Electra Solar Powered Car

Team America 2 Stops Kidnapping of Local Paranormal Hero

(Chicago Tribune - May 21, 2000) The fate of Scott "Wario" Murphey, a well known Chicago paranormal, might well have taken a turn for the worse without the intervention of Chicago's new Team America 2 group of meta-humans. Wario, a DJ for KTCH, is well known for his efforts to keep drug dealers out of the local teen dance clubs, known as "raves". KTCH was hosting a dance at a club on 5th Street called "The Flying Monkey". A paranormal group calling themselves "The Enforcers", who have ties to the local Mafia, apparently used a drug dealer to lure the popular young paranormal outside the dance club. Once they had him outside the club, the group attacked Wario, and knocked him unconscious. The Enforcers include Jack "Blacklight" Lombardo, Helen "Pusher" McGuiness and Robert "Bone Breaker" D'Onfrio, and have numerous warrants out for their arrest.

Speed Demon of Team America arrived as Pusher was starting to fly off with the unconscious Wario, and prevented her from doing so. A fight ensued, with America team members Titan, Cyrus and the mysterious Wraith arriving quickly to lend a hand. The squad car of Sgt. Ray Dawson, CPD, was destroyed when Bone Breaker used it as a batter ram against Titan. "I lose more cruisers responding to these sort of things", stated Dawson, who had was in the neighborhood and responded when the police were notified of the fight. Some damage was done to nightclub when Bone Breaker threw the squad car at the Wraith, after striking Titan down with it.

After subduing Pusher and Breaker, Cyrus and Speed Demon pursued Blacklight, but he unfortunately eluded them.

PRIMUS Guardians Stop Burglars, Get Mugged

(Chicago Tribune -May 17, 2000) With the rest of the local PRIMUS units out of town for training or on an emergency call to Des Moines, the Guardians responded to a paranormal burglary in progress earlier today at Promethean Engineering, located in Lombard. Arriving on the scene, the Guardians, including newcomer Emerald, found four members of the paranormal high-tech thieves known as the Technocrats in the process of stealing the chips and plans for a new product the company has been working on. The team made quick work of the thieves, who witnesses say resorted to threatening the scientists working there. "It was amazing!", states Duke Dawson, a computer programmer employed by Promethean. "Static had thrown up some sort of force field around us, and was threatening to kill us if the Guardian's didn't back off! But that new girl, Emerald, she just leapt through that force field like it was tissue, and knocked that dirtbag Static into next week!"

After subduing three of the four criminals, several of whom are wanted for murder as well as theft, an unknown paramilitary unit attacked the Guardians and forced a stand off by threatening the civilians with overwhelming force. The fifteen member militia unit, dressed in black armor, demanded the chips and plans from the Guardians that they had just rescued from the Technocrats.

This marks the first defeat, if it can truly be called that, for the fledgling paranormal team. Silver Avenger Nancy Harris, leader of the PRIMUS agents stationed at the Chicago agency, said that "we fully support the decision made by the Guardians to hand over the stolen property. While unfortunate, their actions saved the lives of the employees of Promethean Engineering."

Bob Cole, CEO and President of Promethean Engineering, stated that the theft was a minor setback for the company, but that he was "relieved that no one was killed in the assaults". Two guards were hospitalized when attacked by the Technocrats.

Technocrat member Vibron escaped by vibrating through the floor, while the Guardians captured computer expert Hack, weapons specialist Lazer, and electrical producer Static. The fifth member of the criminal group, Ladybug, didn't appear to take part of this particular robbery.

Little is known about the paramilitary group that held up the PRIMUS team, other than they were well equipped with advance weaponry and vehicles. There were several reports that they docked with a cigar-shaped silver aircraft, matching the description of a similar craft spotted flying above Mt. Rushmore on May 4th.
 
 

Gate's Bodyguard Foils Assassination Attempt on Microsoft CEO

(Reuters, San Jose, May 25, 2000) Microsoft Corporation CEO Bill Gates was the target of an apparent assassination attempt Sunday during a ground breaking ceremony for the company's new campus in Silicon Valley, near San Jose in California. The attempt was thwarted by "Carnax", Gate's paranormal bodyguard.

The attack came as Mr. Gates was leaving the well-publicized event. The sniper, situated atop the nearby First California Bank, narrowly missed Gates as he was waiting for his limo and talking to the press covering the ground-breaking, instead striking Amy Caruthers of Ziff-Davis Publications. Carnax tossed Gates into the limo, then flew to the top of the bank building in order to capture the assailant. However, the sniper, identified as Ralph E. Gaines of Tampa, Florida, apparently leapt from the building to his death rather than face capture.

Gaines has been identified as a software engineer from the Tampa based computer startup firm, InterAction. The firm has, until recently, been the latest darling of the software industry, creating the home management software "HomeSuite". Used in conjunction with wireless, computerized appliances, the system enables total control and monitoring of the household. Microsoft introduced a competing product, "Home 2000", and recently included the free software in it's "Windows Millenium Edition" operating system upgrade. Interaction has seen it's stock plummet in the past six months, primarily due to loss of revenue caused by Microsoft giving away it's home control software for free.

Several co-workers have made statements that Gaines was a brilliant programmer, but had been very depressed for the last several months due falling stock prices. Police are investigating the matter. Ms. Caruthers is in the San Jose Christian Hospital, and is in serious condition. Gates has publicly stated that he will personally take care of Caruthers' medical bills.

New Drug in Chicago is Turning People into Mindless Zombies

(Carl Bortner, Chicago Tribune, 17 May 2000) A drug has hit the streets of Chicago, and it may be the most insidious designer drug yet. Highly addictive, it is being sold under the guise of a methamphetamine. Methamphetamine is a powerfully addictive stimulant that dramatically affects the central nervous system. The drug is made easily in clandestine laboratories with relatively inexpensive over-the-counter ingredients. These factors combine to make methamphetamine a drug with high potential for widespread abuse.

What makes this particular drug so hideous is that it steals the very life from those who ingest it, reducing the victims to a zombie-like state. Symptoms include a graying of the skin, accompanied by open sores, an apparent deterioration of the muscles, and sunken eyes, and a lowered IQ. The muscle deterioration is decieving, however, as several of the victims have been reported to gain strength. The Chicago police department has taken several "zombies" to local hospitals for medical examination, but the medical community has yet to identify the exact cause of these severe transformations.

There also appears to be a battle raging between the local drug dealers, and the dealers of this new designer drug. The police apprehended a suspect dealer of the new zombie drug, and took him to the city jail for questioning. The suspect, however, refused to answer questions, and was found dead of unknown causes in his cell the next morning.

Some Of the Kidnapped Infants Are Paranormals

(AP, May 16, 2000) The Washington Post reports today that at least three of the ten infants stolen from hospitals across the country in the past two months have been paranormals. The Post states that the parents of the three infants had DNA tests performed to determine their sex before birth. The Post's sources state that the samples were re-tested for the paranormal genes, and the tests were positive. Baltimore Regional, St. Elizabeth's Hospital in St. Louis, and Durham General Hospital in Durham, NC all confirm the test results.

Lt. Bobby Bastone, the FBI agent in charge of the investigation, refused to comment on whether or not the FBI had already known this information. The agency has been getting thousands of tips on their 1-800 hotline since requesting them two weeks ago.

Local Scientist Sought by Police For Questioning

(Chicago Tribune, 21 May 2000) Dr. Steve Goslin, a 29 year old bio-chemist working for General Foods in Schaumberg, is being sought by the CPD for questioning in the bizarre transformation and disappearance of Dexter Jackson, a 28 year old lab technician that worked with Goslin. During a company meeting held on Thursday, 19 May, Jackson apparently drank an experimental metabolic booster that he and Dr. Goslin have been developing for General Foods. Witnesses state that Jackson, an African American, had a distinct greyish pallor to his skin prior to the meeting. This has led to speculation by the police that Jackson may have been a victim of a new designer drug that causes severe physiological effects.

Shortly after drinking the sample, Jackson started screaming. One eye-witness states, on a condition of anonymity, that Jackson's skin "melted" off of him. "It was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Poor Dexter was looking down at his hands, watching the flesh fall from his bones. You could tell he was in horrific pain. Then he grabbed Dr. Taft, hurled him through the fifth floor window of the meeting room, and leapt out after him throug the hole." Jackson then apparently fled through company parking lot, destroying two cars along the way.

Three members of Team America 2, the new super-team, arrived on scene and tried to track Jackson down. Speed Demon, Cyrus and Titan were all reported to have given chase, including down into the canals east of Schaumberg. Liberty Belle, when contacted, told the Tribune that all the team had found were Jacksons shirt, and several chunks of flesh.

The Tribune was able to contact Jackson's sister, Adrian. "My mother and I are worried sick", she said. "We haven't heard from Dexter in several days. I called Steve (Goslin) and he denied knowing where Dexter was. Then WGN News broadcast that Dex had been murdered by Steve. I called him back to demand what was going on, and he hung up on me! That's not like Steve. He and Dex always seemed so close." Attempts to contact Goslin have been unsucessful.

The Tribune has also learned that Goslin may have left the area, or may have met with foul play. Sources within the police department have stated that when they checked Goslin's apartment, it appears to have been ransacked. Dr. Goslin's computer system was apparently gutted, and it's hard drive removed by force.

A company spokesperson, Melissa Perkins, has told us that General Foods is cooperating completely with the police, and is very concerned about the incident involving Mr. Jackson, and the disappearance of Dr. Goslin.

Super Happenings!

(Jeffrey Sinclair, HeroTimes - May 20, 2000)  Captain Proton, Phoenix, Arizona's favorite hero, now has another 128 fans in his fan club! The good captain was flying his normal patrol late Wednesday night, when he picked up a distress call from Southwestern flight 76 inbound from Austin, TX. The McDonnell-Douglas MD-88 aircraft had lost one of its two engines during a freak lightning storm, and was going down. Captain Proton quickly made a bee-line for the crashing plane, and matching speed with the aircraft, used himself to replace the missing engine. The plane landed safely, and on time! Way to go, Cap!!

New York's Elasticity gave birth to a bouncing (literally!) 9lb 11oz baby boy yesterday. Baby and mother are doing fine. Both in perfect shape. Proud poppa Rubberman was on hand, but ended up feinting during the birth. I caught up with RM leaving the hospital, and he had told me he'd MUCH rather be mixing it up with the bad guys than go through another birth like that again! I'll try to get Elasticity's response to this later!
 
 

Lunar Exploratory Team Disappears

(AP, May 19, 2000) NASA reports that all contact has been lost with an international lunar exploration team, headed out from Tycho Base. The scientific research team, headed by Dr. Forouq al-Douri of Syria, was examining a site to base the new linear accelerator transport system that will be used provide material needed to build the new space stations. Minutes before contact was lost with the five man team, Dr. al-Douri was joking with the Houston based support team. He then reported that the ground in the region seemed unstable, and he then ordered Dr. Janice Simons to back mobile laboratory vehicle out of the range. It was at this point contact was lost. The Russians are diverting a lunar landing craft to the region to investigate.