Laugh Out Loud
 
Horrorscopes

100% Humor! Words spoken by the stars interpreted by a true deutz
I meant no offense in writing this piece so just laugh with it

Capricorn: Take a day off this weekend. You’re way too stressed. Stare at the mirror and count the lines the cross your face and you’d know what I mean.

Aquarius: Bored about doing nothing because of the summer break? Could you remember how much you complained about going to school and studying all day?

Pisces: Still fishing around all you’re problem catching moves? Get sick of it, coz it’ll do nothing.

Aries: Toasted by the summer heat? Drop by you’re bathroom more often. Grab your soap and shampoo, it will help.

Taurus: Busy running away from mom’s early morning errands? Next time don’t run. Hold your new school book in your hands and explain how much it helps you to take advance readings on your subjects.

Gemini: Off for some family outing this break? Take lots of water before you hike. Heat stroke kills.

Cancer: Still the same old couch potato you have always been? Get a life and examine the couch. Don’t you think it looks flatter than the usual?

Leo: You just had a fight with someone important and you’re wondering why that someone just went away. Guess what, that someone’s sick of hearing you yell.

Virgo: Acting all cool and passive. Summer’s not the time for that! Jump into your vans and shake all beaches upside down. Care about sunburns later

Libra: If there is one thing you hate about your self it is your short temper. Taking everything seriously can cause you a heart attack.

Scorpio: Grasping the person you like acting like he’s all yours? You’re pathetic. That’s what we call: desperation.

Sagittarius: You’re moving too slowly in whatever thing you do. I tell you now, it won’t get you anywhere near success.
 
 
Jokes
 
100 Nuns
 
The nuns at the local convent had their daily
announcement session.
 
Mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns
with a very serious frown on her face. She began to
speak.....
 
Mother Superior: "A sinful deed was committed here,
yesterday."
99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"
 
Mother Superior: "Today I found a pair of men`s
underwear."
99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"
 
Mother Superior: "And I also found a condom."
99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"
 
Mother Superior: "And it has been used."
99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"
 
Mother Superior: "And there is a hole in it!"
1 nun: "Oh no!"
99 nuns: "Hee, Hee, Hee!!!"
 
 
Have you read the book...

1. Run to the Outhouse by Willie Makeit, Betty Wont, Andy Didnt
2. Flood in the Bathroom by Won Lang Pee
3. Yellow River by I.P. Freely
4. Jump off a Cliff by Hugo First
5. Sliding down the banister by R. Arse Tornaway
6. Beautiful Behinds by Seamore Butts
7. Butt Fitness by Hugh Jass
8. Love Secrets by Amanda Hugnkiss
 

3 Virgin Daughters

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
 
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
 
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed, but still happy for her daughter.
 
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still, nothing. Then, after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it, in shaky handwriting, were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages, fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

 

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