Monday May 1 6:03 AM ET
Elly May Reunited with Father
U.S Snatches Elly May From Relatives in Predawn Swoop
WASHINGTON (Dissociated Press) - Armed federal agents stormed the Beverly Hills mansion of Jed Clampett, snatching Elly May from the care of her uncle. She has been reunited with her father at an unnamed military installation, and will remain under government protection until custody hearings determine whether she will stay in California or return to Bug Tussle. Massive rallys of Bug Tussle-Americans are underway throughout the Ozarks.
Jed Clampett claims that Elly May should remain with him in Beverly Hills: "That young-un was floatin' fer hours in the cee-ment pond before we rescued her. Where she come from, they ain't got no fancy eatin' table nor no vittles to put on it. Anybody thinks she ought to go back there's been drinkin' too much of granny's ruma-tiz medicine."
Clampett continued: "Those boys jus' come bargin' in here with their shootin' irons like that. Where I come from, that's how you git yerself a bride. Granny and I thought they was a'courtin' in some fancy Beverly Hills way; it just wasn't fair to trick us like that."
Elly May's Bug Tussle relatives cheered the government's action. "Elly's Uncle Jed was pert-near a stranger when he took her from us," said her cousin Zebediah. "Land O' Goshen, it jes' ain't right. She's been gone so long none of us can cipher the days. One thing I knows, though - when she gits back here, we're gonna fix her up a big bowl a possum stew."
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