KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then says, ``Dammit, I said UP.''

An obnoxious drunk in a bar trying to get a girl to go home with him says, "Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Girl says, "Unfertilized. Beat it!"

Two hamburgers walk into a bar. They go up to the bartender and say, "We'd like two pizzas with mushrooms." The bartender replies, "I'm sorry we don't serve food."

A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that noone will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"

A guy from up North (Canada) goes into a classy bar in the South (States). This bar has a dress code, and the maitre d' demands he wear a tie. Discouraged, the guy goes to his car to sulk when inspiration strikes: He's got jumper cables in the trunk! So he wraps them around his neck, sort of like a string tie (a bulky string tie to be sure) and returns to the bar. The maitre d' is reluctant, but says to the guy, "Okay, you're a pretty resourceful fellow, you can come in... but just don't start anything"!

Guys walking down the street & sees 'Word Bar' sign.

He walks in & sees a woman behind the counter. "What's all this Word Bar stuff"? he asks.
She says "Exactly what it says - we've got Verbs, Prepositions, Hyperbole, Punctuation - whatever you want".
"Ok" says the guy - "gimme an entendre"
"Single or double?" she asks
"Make it a double!"

She raises one eyebrow & looks him up & down with a sly grin & says:

"Don't you mean a LARGE one?"

This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda." Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour." The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible; I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't; the chicken is a ventriloquist."

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..."

The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers"

"Okay" says the customer,"I'll tell it very slowly."

A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender's attention. He glanced at it and said, "It's a ladybug."

After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, "Good Lord, what incredible eyesight you have!"

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks: "How do you get into those pants?". The young woman looks him over and replies: "Well, you could start by buying me a drink...".