KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo.

They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.

"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"

At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.

"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does."

Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.

"Now," said the husband, "tell that sucker you have a headache!"

There was a king who had a beautiful horse. One day the horse became very sad and never smiled again. The king was very sad and wanted to make him happy. he tried everything but he could not. Then he announced an award of a million dollars to make his horse happy. People from all over the world tried to make him happy but he was never happy.

There was a very skiny guy. He told the king if he could try. The king said,"sure go ahead." Then the guy whispers something on the horses ear. all of a sudden the horse started laughing. Everybody was amazed. So he got the reward, but the problem was the horse never stop laughing. King did not like that either. now the king wanted him to be sad. He again announced the same amount to make his horse sad. everybody tried but nobody could make him sad. again the same guy went near the horse. All of a sudden the horse started crying. everybody was very surprised.

King: I can't understand how you made the horse laugh and cry. can you tell me?
The guy: Sure, at first, i told him that my penis was longer than his. and second time i showed my penis to him.

A horse and a rabbit were friends. Every day they would roam the fields together. One day the horse fell into some quicksand. He cried out, "rabbit, rabbit, help me". The rabbit scampered away. He returned with a red corvette. He threw a rope to the horse, tied the other end to the bumper, drove off and saved his friend from the quicksand.

The next day in the fields, Rabbit fell into an abandoned well shaft. "horse, horse, come quickly, I cannot jump out, it is too deep. I cannot swim. I cannot climb out, it is too steep. The horse straddled the well and lowered his penis into the shaft. Rabbit grabbed ahold and was pulled out. Horse had saved him.

The moral to the story is thus:
If you have a big long dick, you don't need a red corvette.

There's this plane which is in flight some in South America. Planes in this region are well known for their unreliablitity. This plane is a cargo plane carring live stock and grains. Part of the live stock is this cat and rooster.

After an hour in the air, somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean the Plane lost power to all engines.

The pilot trys to glide the plane onto a reef but fails. After the crash the only survivors are the cat and rooster. The cat and rooster could see an island in the distance but decided to stay in the plane as thtere was enough food for a week.

A week passed, the food supply was low and there did not any chances of resque. The cat and rooster decided to head for the island. They found a crate, got into it and rowed it to island. Once on the island they were both releaved. The rooster had found a lot of food, worms, insects, and fruits.

A week passed and the cat was disappointed because he had been eating fruits all week. He decided to have chicken that night so he began chasing the rooster across to the other side of the island ( it is a very small island in the middle of nowhere). Once on the other side the rooster was trapped on the shore in between the cat and the sea. the cat decided to pounce onto the rooster and kill him. The rooster flew up flew towards the sea. The cat missed the rooster and fell into the water and got all wet.

Moral of the story is :-

FOR EVERY WET PUSSY THERE'S A SATISFIED COCK.

A guy is arrested and brought into court for killing and eating a Bald Eagle.

The judge sternly rebukes him for doing this to an endangered species and sentences him to a jail term.

The guy pleads with the judge for mercy saying, "Please, your honor! I was starving and I just had to get something to eat or I would have died so I killed and ate the Bald Eagle!"

The judge takes pity on him and says, "Well, under the circumstances, I will let you go free. By the way, what did the Bald Eagle taste like?"

The guy replies, "Oh, I'd say it tasted a lot like Northern Spotted Owl."

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south. After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy the little sparrow began to sing. Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleared away the manure, he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2) Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3) If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

A mouse and a lion walk into a bar, and they're sitting there chugging away at a few ales when a giraffe walks in.

"Get a load of her," says the mouse, "What a babe!"

"Well, why not try your luck?" says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they're out the door and gone into the night.

Next day, the lion is in the bar drinking away, and the mouse staggers in. And I do mean "staggers." The mouse is absolutely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up.

The lion helps his pal up on to a stool, pours a drink down his throat and says, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?"

The mouse says, "Yeah, she was really something else -- we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I've never had a night like it!"

"But how come you look like you're so exhausted?" asks the lion.

"Well," says the mouse, "between the kissing her and screwing her, I must have run a thousand miles!"

A blue-bottle fly was buzzing down the river and a salmon swimming in the river below saw him and thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down river I can jump up and eat him for my lunch".

Unbeknownst to the salmon a big bear was sitting on the river bank and he also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him and I can reach out my paw and catch the salmon for my dinner".

Unbeknownst to the big bear a hunter was on the opposite bank of the river and he also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach out his paw and catch him and I will roll over and shoot the bear as a trophy".

Unbeknownst to the hunter a mouse was sitting beside him and he also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach out his paw and catch him, the hunter will roll over and shoot the bear and I will grab the sandwich that falls out of his pocket".

Unbeknownst to the mouse a cat was hiding in the bushes and he also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach out his paw and catch him, the hunter will roll over and shoot the bear, the mouse will grab the sandwich from the hunter's pocket and I will jump on the mouse".

So the blue bottle flew down river; the salmon leaped up and caught the fly; the big bear reached out his paw and caught the salmon; the hunter rolled over and shot the bear; the mouse grabbed the sandwich from the hunter's pocket; and the cat jumped, missed and fell into the river.

The moral of the story being you need a lot of foreplay to get a wet pussy.

Two Texas farmers were having a day at the county fair when they saw a contest being held in which $50 would be awarded to anyone who could not only lead a horse to water, but indeed, make it drink.

Deciding it would be easy money, the Texans entered and lead the horse down to the pond.

They pushed the horse's head into the water, but alas, it didn't consume even one drop.

They pondered for a few minutes and then took a different approach. They forced the horse to eat a handful of salt, but still the horse wouldn't drink the water.

After considerable more thought, one said to the other, "How about I hold the horse's head in the water and you go around back, lift up the tail and suck the water through like a straw!"

"You know," agreed the second fellow, "that just might work!"

Each man positioned himself accordingly and put the plan in action. After a minute or so, the head man calls back, "Hey, partner,is this working?"

"Sure enough is," came the muffled response, "but raise the head a bit, I'm only drawing mud

Three Irishmen are being treated by a speech therapist for stuttering. The therapist is a real looker and very curvy. She is finding it very difficult to make any progress with the three men and so she decides to try a reward system. She tells the three that she will have sex with anyone of them who can tell her where they were born without stuttering. The first Irishman stands up, says, "B-B-B-B-Belf-f-f-f-ast" and sits down in disappointment.

The second Irishman says "D-D-D-Dublin" and also sits down with a sad face.

The third Irishman says "London." In amazement the therapist immediately grabs him, takes into the next room, from where there are sounds of frantic lovemaking. After half an hour they return and the Irishman has a stupid, satisfied grin on his face.

Before restarting the session the therapist asks if there's is anything that any of the men would like to say. The third Irishman raises his hands and continues "d-d-d-d-erry."