KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

12 Al Gore Disco Fever Costume

11 Positive Home Pregnancy Test

10 Jacko-Lantern

9 Marge Schott's Less Attractive, Slightly More Racist Sister

8 Evil British Nanny

7 Janet Reno Little French Maid Outfit

6 Male Pattern Baldness

5 Guy Who Ate Too Much Olestra

4 Flaming Tofu Burrito from Hell on a Stick

3 President Jesse Helms

2 Marv Albert, Warrior Princess

and the Number 1 Scariest Halloween Costume...

1 Mighty Menstruatin' Power Ranger

'Twas Halloween night as I leaped from my bed,
With thoughts of amusement going through my head.
Turned off my computer and thought as I may
Of vampires of old and vampires of today.
Of spooky old movies and Halloween parties,
Of course trick or treating
(hope they don't hand out Smarties).
And witches and ghosts and gravediggers, I fear,
So that old haunted house, I will never go near.
When you see spooky places, just take my advice,
And don't go in rooms filled with ghosts, bats, and mice.

So don't risk your life going looking for spooks,
Just go to a party with some good friendly kooks.
Or gather your family, carve a pumpkin and think
What to have your kids do, and go pick up a drink.
Tell a joke to your friends, but be careful, you'll see
That a couple wrong moves might mean eternity.

Now put on that costume and dress yourself up.
You can be Ninja Nun or that RCA Pup.
But be very careful or else you might see
That ghosts and vampires aren't really PC.

So now you can think, as you turn out that light
That there's no such thing and that you are all right.
Look under your bed, though, and then you might see...

Nothing! We aren't afraid of ghosts now, are we?

Officers were dispatched to an Ohio college campus this week to break up a fight involving two group of students, about 35 students total were involved.

A group of black students saw what they thought were members of a white supremecist organization parading around the campus. They took offense and proceeded to yell at them, a fight followed.

It turned out that they were members of a campus fraternity that were going to a Halloween party dressed as the Pope and his entourage of Cardinals...

That'll teach people not to wear "evil" costumes on Halloween...

Contrary to conventional wisdom, psychologists from the University of California in Berkeley and Catholic University in Washington, D.C., say laughter is the best way to get over grief when a loved one dies. In the past, it was thought that a person had to "work through" the stages of anger, sadness and depression after a death. "It may be that focusing on the negative aspects of bereavement is not the best idea because people who distanced themselves by laughing were actually doing better years later," one of the researchers said. "We found the more people focus on the negative, the worse off they seem later."

We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.

With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze
Looking for something or someone, as we sit in a daze.

We chat with each other, we type all our woes
Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.

We wait for somebody, to type out our name
We seek recognition, and it is always the same.

We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt
Online we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.

We do form friendships, just why, we don't know
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.

Why is it on screen, we can be so bold
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.

Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind
With those we can't see, as though we were blind.

The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.

We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.

Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.

A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and say's "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks.

Next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus, "Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can work out how to get its pajama's off I'm gonna fuck it!"

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she'd better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the #1 dirty law statement.....

1. Think you can get me off?

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.

So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders.

The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.

When they got home, the wife said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs.

The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, " I knew you wouldn't get it right!! Where's the toast??"

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."

"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

A guy is stopped at an intersection when a farm truck comes whipping past him. As the truck takes the corner, a pig comes flying out and lands on the road. The driver of the car puts the pig in his car and takes off after the farm truck. As he's speeding along trying to catch up with the truck, he goes through a speed trapand gets pulled over. The driver explains to the police officer that he's just trying to return the pig. The officer says, "Well, you'll never catch it now, you should just bring the pig to the zoo." The driver agrees, and off he goes.

The next day, the cop is patrolling, and who should he see drive by but the same guy. He still has the pig in the passenger seat, but now the pig is wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap. The police officer pulls the car over, and confronts the driver. "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!"

The man replies, "I did. We had such a great time that I'm taking him to the ball game today."