KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete. The Polish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

* Three "Top Gun" type pilots -- English, Arabian and US Navy were standing on a street corner in Kuwait when a really spectacular beauty walked haughtily by them.
"By Jove !" exclaimed the Englishman.
"By Allah !" sighed the Arabian.
"By tomorrow nite !" said the Naval Aviator.

* A man and his wife were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the three had even bothered to bring a gift. After the meal, for which he had been given the check, he took them aside.
"You're all grown men," he began, "and old enuff to hear this.
Your Mother and I have never been legally married."
"What ???" gasped one of the sons. "Do you mean to say that we're all bastards ?"
"As a matter of fact, yes." snapped the Father. "And cheap ones at that !"

* Maybe y'all heard about the drunk staggering through the park and saw a young jogger doing push-ups as part of his warm-ups. The drunk stood there a moment then said, "Washmadder pal ? Lose your girl ?"

* A Yuppie member of the Columbia Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the Yuppie. "I know that my sister will appreciate it."
"Your sister ?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate responded, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% salary, and a company car leased every two years - say a red Corvette?"

The graduate sat up mouth agape and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the HR person responded, "Certainly...but you started it!"

This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time. A friendly little boy said his name was "David, what is yours?"

"Happy Butt" she says.

"Don't lie to me, that isn't your name! What is your name?"

"Happy Butt" she says again.

"I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!" he shouts. He gets the teacher and says she is lying to him about her name.

"What is your name?" asks the teacher.

"Happy Butt" says the little girl.

"No, no," says the teacher. "What is your real name?"

"Happy Butt" replies the little girl.

"Shame on you for lying." says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's office right this minute!"

"Why are you here?" asks the principal of the little girl.

"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt." said the little girl.

"Your name can't be Happy Butt" says the principal. "I'm going to call your mother right this minute and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name." The principal calls the mother and says, "We have your little girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"

"Oh, that must be Gladys," says the mother.

"Well, little girl, your mother says your name is Gladys," says the principal.

The little girl replies, "Happy Butt, Glad ass, what's the difference?"

* Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.

* The only way to understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't necessary to understand her.

* To women, love is an occupation. To men, a preoccupation.

* To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

* To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A police officer stops a man driving in the opposite direction in a one way street.
"Didn't you see the arrow ?"
"Arrow ?" the driver, obviously all sauced, replies,"I didn't even see the Indians."

This guy in a car is pulled over by a cop for driving through a stop sign. The cop asks the man why he didn't stop, and the man responded "I slowed down; slowing down and stopping are just about the same thing, aren't they?"

The officer proceeds to pick up the man by the collar and beat the man in the face mercilessly with his night stick. While he is doing this, the officer says "Now, do you want me to SLOW DOWN, or do you want me to STOP?

Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs. Everyone gets enough exercise:
.jumping to conclusions, .flying off the handle, .beating around the bush, .running down the boss, .going around in circles, .dragging their feet, .dodging responsibility, .passing the buck, .climbing the ladder, .wading through paperwork, .pulling strings, .throwing their weight around, .stretching the truth, .bending the rules, .and pushing their luck!

Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with.

JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"

BABY BEAR: "No! She beats me."

JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."

BABY BEAR: "No! He beats me too!"

JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"

BABY BEAR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Chicago."

JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"

BABY BEAR: "No sir. The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

A ladyfriend of mine told me that at our age she has found that going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of her face.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write... A Good Doctor!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?