KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Clinton really has bad luck even besides all his female escapades.
He was helping Monica with her computer and it went down on him too.

1. You're a Bitch

2. When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "NO" then get pissed off when you are believed

3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior

4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening

5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say "It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend." when you mean "It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!"

6. Whine

7. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy

8. No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend

9. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you

10. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you

11. Complain

12. Hate any bar that he likes

13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything........ except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc..........these are required gifts proving his love

14. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress in your life (also, see number 7)

15. Remember that ANY woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible

16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs

17. Break into tears for no apparent reason, then use number 2

18. Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given

19. Insert yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

She was so blond. . . . . .

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she thought a quarterback was a refund

she tripped over a cordless phone

she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind

she got stabbed in a shoot-out

she told someone to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"

they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put "Sagittarius"

if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me." Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. - Thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short. These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend. This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?" Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE.

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! YOU`RE NOT GOING TO.. TO.. CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU???!?" The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye: "Nope. You are. I`m going to set the garage on fire."

Men are like vacations............... they never seem to be long enough. Men are like computers............... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers................. load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like chocolate bars......... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like coffee................. the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes............. they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers............... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store of the bathroom.

Men are like cement................. after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Yasser Arafat was in Washington this week to meet with the President but got pushed aside by the Lewinsky sex scandal. But before he left, he gave the President some advice on what to do in the future.

His advice? Goats don't talk

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin".

The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."

The dinner special sign said, "Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef #2.35, children $2.00.

I was born before 1945. We had our hair, not styled. We went to the 5&10 and not the Dollar Store, and teachers were respected, not sued.

Let me get this straight. If they clone me, do I become my own father.

Why not let President Clinton and Paula Jones settle their feud on "The Jerry Spring Show"?

I'm not against John Glenn going back to space. I'm against him coming back.

I always try to understand the other fellow's point of view -- even though it's wrong.

My boss says that there's no "I" in team. I like to remind him that there is an "M" and an "E" though.

Yesterday, I was stuck in traffic so long that by the time I got home, my driver's license had expired.

16. Lolitagate

15. Quick! Time For Another War With Iraq!

14. The Crook, The Intern, The Wife, and that 'Hey Vern' guy

13. The D Cup Domes Scandal

12. Starr Wars

11. Ex-intern killed in freak missile accident-gate

10. The Lay of Pigs

9. Stain of the Union Undress

8. Monicaca

7. "Paid for by Gore/Rodham 2000"-gate

6. Pubic Missile Crisis

5. Linguapalooza

4. Honey, I shrunk my approval rating

3. Gaining-On-Wilt-gate

2. Tail to the Chief

and the Number 1 Nickname for the Presidential Scandal...

1. Bad Will Hunting