KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A Scot walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. While he's waiting, he notices a basket sitting on the front bar, full of $50 notes. He waits until the bar tender brings him his drink, and asks about the basket and all of the money.
The bartender tells him thats it's for the bar bet, and anyone whomanages to do the bet wins all of the cash. The Scot, being interested in money, gets excited when he hears this, and asks the bar tender what he has to do for the bet. To this the bartender replies, "not now, wait until you have had a few more drinks"
The Scot grumbles a bit, but agrees. After another few drinks he calls the bar tender over and says "OK, I'm ready for the bet", and he puts $50 into the basket.
OK, the bartender replies, here are the three dares you must do to winthe money. First, see that big Maori over there, you have to knock him down with one punch!
Secondly, we have a mangy, savage dog down in the basement with a soretooth. You have to knock the dog's tooth out without getting bitten!
Thirdly, see that ugly old woman sitting at the end of the bar? She hasn't had a bath for 6 months, and you have to root her!The Scot man agrees to all of the dares, and goes about with the first one. To the bartender's surprise, and everyone elses, the Scot surprise walks straight up to the Maori, punches him in the head once. and knocks him out cold. He walks up to the bartender, and goes, OK where's this basement with the dog in it? The bartender points to the entrance, and the Scot goes down it.
For the next half an hour all the bartender and patrons can hear is muffled dog noise coming from the cellar. The Scot emerges unscathed, and says "OK where's this old lady with the sore tooth"

A bunch of Indians capture a Scottish cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You're going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die.
What is first wish?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?" The cowboysays, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him hishorse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" The cowboy says, in his difficult to understand accent, "I want to see my horse again."
The indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

Three guys are comparing their drunkenness of the night before. The first guy says, "I was so plastered I blew chunks all night." The second guy replies, "Oh, yeah? Well, I was so drunk I don't even know how I got home...I just woke up in my bed in a pool of sweat." Says the third guy, "That's nothing...I was so wasted I took home a strange woman and had sex with her, and then my wife walked in." The first guy looks at them and says: "I don't think you understand how drunk I was--Chunks is my dog."

Johnny arrives home from school and after entering the house he hears a strange moaning sound coming from his mothers room. he peeks through the door and see's his mother naked on the bed, massaging her genitals and moaning "God, I need a man, God I need a man!" Johnny finds this a bit surprising but goes to his room to do his homework. Next day Johnny comes home after school and once again finds mum naked on the bed, massaging her genitals and moaning "God I need a man, God I need a man!" Once again he finds this a bit unusual but goes to his room to do his homework anyway.
Next day he comes home and hears different moans coming from his mums room.
He peeks inside to see mum and a bloke screwing and mum with a big smile on her face. about 1/2 an hr. later mum goes to check on Johnny an finds him naked on his bed, massaging his genitals and moaning "God, I need a bike, God I need a Bike!"

It was after closing time at the local country pub yet the local cop noticed 2 motorbikes still parked out the front.. He walked around to the back of the hotel and found the 2 bikies, one with his pants down and one with his finger stuck up his friends bum. "Hullo,hullo,hullo" said the cop,"What's goin' on?"
"My mates had too much to drink and I'm tryin' to make him sick"
"Well, you don't put your finger up there, you put it down his throat." said the cop.
"Give me a second,I'm just about to" said the bikie.

Two nuns die suddenly one day. They both float up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to them. "Welcome to Heaven". The nuns walk towards the gates, but they do not open. "Whats going on", Asks the first nun. "Yeah we have spent our whole lives serving the Lord. Why can't we go in," Says the other.
St. Peter looks at them and says, "First you need to answer one question each then you will be let in." "OK." The nuns agree.
St. Peter turns to the first one and asks, "Who was the first woman?" The first nun says, "Oh thats easy. Eve of course." And with that said the Gates open, the bells ring and the angels sing and the nun walks in. St. Peter looks at the other one and asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun says "Boy thats hard." The gates open, the bells ring...

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartenders says what'll the pig have." The woman says, "that's not a pig, that's a duck!". I know says the bartender, "I was talking to the duck."

There is a woman lying nude on a couch and she is facing the wall.
A man is also lying nude on the same couch and is facing the wall.
Question: What is the man's name.
Answer: Willie Turner