KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

As the truck driver came flying over the top of a steep hill, he spotted two figures in his path rolling around in the middle of the road. The driver blew his horn and braked frantically, but the couple continued their love making, in spite of his warnings. The truck finally slid to a halt barely three inches from the pair. "Are you crazy?" The driver shouted at them. "You could have been killed." The man stood up and faced the driver. "Well, I was coming, she was coming and you were coming," He panted, "And you were the only one with brakes."

Two boys arguing on the sidewalk:
My dad's smarter than your dad!
NO HE'S NOT! My dad's stronger than your dad!
NO HE'S NOT! My mom's better than your mom!
Well, you got me there. That's what my dad says too.

A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a bar.
He goes up, gets a beer, drinks it, and walks out. Half a second passes and he bursts back into the bar and says "ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS PAINTED MY HORSE'S FACE YELLOW?". A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says "I DID". The cowboy looks up at him and whispers "The first coat's dry"

The same cowboy rides into another town, goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks into the bar, and fires his gun through the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yells. No-one answers. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS". He gets another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back, so he get's on it and makes to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks "Say partner, what happened in Texas?". The cowboy turns to him and says "I had to bloody walk home..."

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.....................
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.............
You get to work and find a 60 minutes news team waiting in your office..
You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of ................................................................the city.
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind thirty-two hell's angels..
Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a .............................................grapefruit down the toilet.
You realized that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead ............................................................of deodorant.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture................
Your husband says "good morning Mary"..........and your name is Sharon.
You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight ....and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
Your doctor tells you you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
You have to borrow from you mastercard to pay your visa.........
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
You compliment the boss'es wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't .............................................................wearing any.
People think you are 40............................and you really are.
You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar ................................................................is yours.

Q: How does a blind parachutist know when he is about to land?
A: The lead goes slack!

Q: Why are Mexican steering wheels so small?
A: Handcuffs only stretch so far.

While critiquing a survey instrument intended for mothers of infants less than one year old, I came across the following question:

Have you ever breast fed your baby?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Don't Know

Did you know that 4 out of 10 accidents are caused by drunk drivers?
Therefore you have less chance of getting into an accident if you're driving drunk then if driving sober.

A traveling salesman got an audience with the pope. He said: "Hey father have you heard the joke about the two Polacks who______." "My son," said the pope, I'm Polish!" The salesman thought for a minute, then said: "Okay, I'll tell it very slowly..."

Three guys walked slowly, enjoying the nice weather, on a huge glacier.
Then suddenly one of the guys fell into a deep hole in the ice.
"We're gonna get some help!" one of the others said.
Then the two men walked away to find help.
After several miles, they met the Red Cross, and they agried to save their comrad.
Eventually they found him, and shouted down:
"Hey! This is the Red Cross!"
And he replied: "I am already a supporter, thank you!"