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Drinking Q&A: More of this same Q&A format since
it is easier for us that way i.e. we don't actually have to
organize our thoughts.
When do people drink in China?
Mainly during meals. There is very, very little drinking
of alcohol done in non-meal settings. So you won't see the
Chinese hanging around their local bar drinking a beer too
often. But you will see them gathered around a table of
half-eaten food, red-faced and sweating and drinking until
they tip over.
What kind of alcohol do they drink?
Well, by now you should have heard about Chinese liquor.
We like to call it white lightning because we used to watch
a lot of the Dukes of Hazzard TV show. Chinese white
lightning is made somewhat different from the Dukes'
version. It is normally made from grains such as sorghum and
gaoliang, whatever that is. We're not exactly sure
how they make this stuff but we once saw a movie about it,
so now we consider ourselves experts. In the movie, Gong Li
makes Chinese white lightning for a living in the
countryside. Lots of people get drunk in the movie. But
strangely the white lightning in the movie is red in color
and looks much better than the real stuff we have seen. The
movie did not make it clear how to actually make the white
lightning (red lightning) but our hypothesis of the recipe
is as follows:
- Take 10 middle aged Chinese workers.
- Make them drink Colt 45 malt liquor until they pass
out. Wait 15 minutes.
- Wake them up and force them to run one mile in the
hot sun in rain gear.
- After they stop, collect all their sweat, filter it
through an old window screen, bottle it in a funky shaped
bottle, give it a fancy Chinese name, and PRESTO, you now
have Chinese white lightning. Add methanol to taste.
Sure it is slightly disgusting to hear about these
details, but wait until you drink it.
Do they only drink white lightning?
No, they also drink very bad wine that is made in
Shandong. Try to avoid it unless you are a big fan of sour
white wine or sticky sweet red wine. They keep telling us
that this wine has improved, but we still can not see much
difference. The best use the editors of GCM have found for
this wine is to use it to make homemade popsicles during
those hot Shanghai summers. (As an aside, there was one
brave French pioneer who went to China around 1980 and lived
in Tianjin for several years in an attempt to get this wine
thing going. We heard he literally became psychotic and left
China around 1982. But don't worry. This probably won't
happen to you.)
Beer: There are many brands of beer in China. In the
early 80's, each city still had their own city brand of
beer. They all had very catchy names such as Tianjin Beer,
Beijing Beer, Harbin Beer, etc. (These brand names are
excellent examples of sharp communist marketing skills that
can still be found in abundance in China these days). Most
of these beers were made with old German equipment left over
from the "cut up China into individual pieces of pie" days
before the Chinese "stood up" in 1949. (Mao told them to sit
their asses back down shortly afterwards).
But back to the beer: Now many of the old city brands of
beer have disappeared to be replaced by a few strong
national brands like 5 Star and Beijing beer and Qingdao
(Tsing Tao) beer. There are also several western brands
being brewed and sold in China including Carlsberg (not
bad), Budweiser (it sucks in China just like it sucks in the
US), and Blue Ribbon (if you're American, you may remember
your grandfather complaining about this piss beer in the
50's; it hasn't improved since then).
(Now let us pause for a moment to reflect on the good ol'
days of China yesteryear: In the good ol' days, they had a
big open tub of city brand beer in restaurants. If you
wanted a pitcher of beer, they would dip a plastic pitcher
directly into the tub to fill it for you. They would also
supply plastic glasses is semi-opaque pastel colors that
looked like they had been chewed on by dogs. Needless to
say, this beer was exactly equal to room temperature, filled
with sand, and usually not very good. So why is it that we
have such fond memories of it?)
One quick comment about Qingdao beer: the sharp
detectives at GCM have discovered that Qingdao beer is made
with a high percentage of formaldehyde as a preservative.
This is the same stuff that those frogs in 6th grade were
soaking in. So not only will it give you a strong headache,
it will also preserve your body for future generations of
med students to study and dissect in a cheap medical school
in the Bahamas some day.
Back to your question, yes, there are other types of
alcohol other than white lightning in China. But if you are
talkin' about serious drinkin' in China, then your talkin'
Chinese white lightnin'. It is so strong it will make you
drop most of the final letter g's when you are talkin' about
it.
Why do Chinese people always say "wine" when referring
to any alcoholic beverage?
We do not know, but we will kill the person that taught
them this in the 1930's if we can find out their name.
Why do people drink in China?
An excellent question. Mainly it seems they drink in
order to release built up tension and anger at the western
world for the "Industrial Counterrevolution." Also they use
it as an excuse to behave in ways they would like to but are
afraid to normally. Actually, this is the same reason the
editors of GCM drink also.
In business settings, the main purpose of drinking is to
tire out the westerners so they will not be too sharp during
the next morning's negotiations. Also if they can get the
westerner to pass out early, they will try to go through his
or her briefcase to take a peek at any confidential
documents.
Westerners in China sometimes drink voluntarily to avoid
eating Chinese food at banquets. See
our banquet page for highly technical details about
banquets.
Can you tell us something about the etiquette of
drinking?
Sure, here's a short laundry list of alchy etiquette in
China:
- Continuously pour the boss's drink for him. It is a
good idea to keep a bottle handy next to you for doing
this. You don't need to wait until their glass is empty
in order to top it off. Keep adding to it every time they
take a sip. This will make it hard for them to keep track
of how much they have drank. Even better, you can
ridicule the boss by saying he is still on his first
glass.
- Immediately after pouring the boss's drink, pour your
own. If you are wise enough to have avoided white
lightning and concentrated on beer (see our anti-drunk
advice below), then pour quickly so that half of your
glass is foam. Quickly challenge somebody to a Gan
Bei before the foam settles.
- Never drink even a sip of your drink alone. This is
not only bad form but stupid since you are only adding to
your total alcohol intake without dragging somebody down
with you.
- When you drink, always toast somebody. Usually at the
beginning of the meal, the host boss will make the first
toast. Next, the guest boss should make a toast. What to
say in the toast? Something out of a Charlie Chan movie
like "a toast to our glorious and honorable friendship
that it may bear fruit like a lemon tree on
steroids."
- When you toast somebody (or are toasted by somebody),
hold your glass with one hand and place the other hand
lightly on the bottom i.e. a two handed grip. This is
polite in China plus it is useful later on when you are
standing perfectly still but the room and people are
spinning around in circles.
- Make it your goal to drink less than the Chinese
boss. If he toasts you, then wait a minute and toast him
back. If someone else at the table tries to toast you,
then insist on having the Chinese boss join in also. This
is a favorite trick of the Chinese. They like to try to
have each person at the table toast you once. That way
you drink 8 glasses and they each drink one. By dragging
the Chinese boss into each toast, his staff then will be
afraid to keep toasting you since they don't want to
force their boss to drink too much. This is probably the
single most valuable piece of genuine advice in this
entire website.
- Make sure to use their tactics against them also.
Have your staff each individually toast the Chinese
boss.
- Check the glass of the person offering the toast to
make sure it is full. If you are going to be forced to
drink with them, you might as well make sure they are
drinking a full glass. It is always amusing to catch them
trying to pull the half empty glass trick. If you do,
insist on topping off their glass before the toast. Fill
it all the way up to the top edge and even slightly
overflowing. That way they will spill it on their clothes
and think more seriously next time about trying to force
you to drink.
- After you finish your glass during a toast, don't put
your glass down until everyone in the toast is finished
with theirs. That is polite plus it ensures that no one
at the table is trying to drink less than their full
quota.
- If you want to show off that you have finished your
entire glass, tip the empty glass inverted over top of
your head. This proves it is empty. If your fellow
toaster is having a hard time finishing their glass,
offer to allow them a "free pass" this time as long as
the dump the remaining contents on their own head. Seems
fair to us.
- After the formal toast at the beginning, the
remaining toasts are normally simple shouts of Gan
Bei! This is a Chinese word that means "dry glass"
i.e. bottoms up.
Do I have to drink?
Yes, unless the big boss does not drink. Also see the
next question.
How can I avoid
drinking?
Option 1: Claim medical reasons for not drinking. This is
extremely wimpy and will likely kill any minuscule chances
you have of making money in China.
Option 2: Pretend to drink great amounts. Here's how:
- First, loudly proclaim that you rarely drink and
really put up a fight to stop them from giving you
alcohol. Eventually, you will have to give in and say,
yes, just a little. But you will have laid some good
psychological groundwork.
- Insist on drinking beer instead of white lightning.
Use any and every excuse you can think of. If you fail,
you are in big trouble.
- Never drink when there is not a toast specifically
directed at you. Pretend to be busy eating sometimes and
pass the toast off onto one of your lowly staff members.
An unpaid intern is good for this. In fact, this is the
best use of an unpaid intern.
- As noted above, drag the Chinese boss down with
you.
- Miscount the amount others have drank to pressure
them to drink more.
- Complement them on their great drinking skills.
- Top off everyone's drink but make sure yours is
mainly foam if you are drinking beer.
- Water down your white lightning with Sprite, boiled
water, or even white wine. All of these have a lower
alcohol content % than white lightning. Try placing a few
boiled peanuts in the glass to displace alcohol space.
Don't choke on the next toast.
- Wrap your hand around your glass to obscure the
enemy's view of your half empty glass. Gan Bei it
quickly before anyone notices and then loudly insist they
finish their full glasses.
- If drinking white lightning, pretend to drink it, but
hold the liquid in your mouth and then spit it into your
wet hand cloth while pretending to wipe your mouth
off.
- Spill lots of liquid when picking up your glass.
- Hide your glass under the table to avoid stealthy
pourers sneaking up on you.
How can I make the Chinese drink more?
Don't worry about this. Most of the above rules have a
component of forcing the Chinese to drink more than you do.
One note: if you have a really good fake drinking scam
working, and they have not figured it out yet, milk it for
all it is worth and force the Chinese to do numerous toasts.
If caught pulling one of the above drinking scams, drink
half a glass as penance, but never admit to the scam. Then
quickly move to a new scam.
What is a good way to cure a hangover?
Avoid one by using the above advice. If that doesn't
work, then try drinking two small bottles of mineral water
before you go to bed at night.
Good Luck!
Do you get the impression we have spent far too much time
drinking in China? If so, you're right. Click below to go
back to the main page to continue your journey through the
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