'I have to smoke pot for a medical condition, and my doctor will confirm it... he's lying over there eating the curtains.'
'If you must know I've been collecting Rizla's for nigh on 30 years.'
'Well the man down the garden centre esured me it was Jamaican Cactus'
'That funny smell? Its just my new aftershave - Bob Marley's Obessision'
'I'm rehearsing for the onset of senile dementia.'
'I wanted to see if junkies really did smell worse then other mammal's'
'I'd be quite happy to answer your questions, officer - but the 2 elephants will have to go outside with the unicorn.'
'That suspicious bulge in my trousers? It must be seeing you in that helmet...'
'Sorry about all the smoke - I was cooking a roast. Actually, just a couple of steaks - not even a proper joint, really... alright, I'll come quietly.'
'All right - Nobody moves of the pig gets it!' (NB: Best beholding a gun when you say this, as waving a twix rarely has the same effect.)
'Oh, you must want the Rastafarians who live next door... Just follow the suspicious smell and the sound of machine gun fire'
'I demand to see my lawyer, no, wait, you know that guy who got OJ Simpson off? I demand to see him'
'Listen, what say we split the weed, make a chocolate cake, and forget about the whole thing.' (NB: You'd be surprised how oftern this works)
