Try to live within a mile of a corner shop, bakery or KFC - 10% of potheads may eat themselves to death by the age of 30, but over 50 die while trying to fly over the dual carryageways.
Never roll up while the police are actually in the process of frisking you.
Bewear of great idea's you have while stoned. Cars can not be made to run on curry, and never washing your penis will not make it grow.
When buying hash, alweays trust your nose. The aroma you are looking for is part henna, part cannabis resin and part Rastafarian crotch (Where its been hidden for the best part of a fortnight). Remember they call it 'shit' for a reason!
Weed plants can be camouflaged by attaching plastic tomatoes to the branches. NB: don't try attaching pineapples, melons, or coconuts - the police may be corrupt, but they ain't stupid.
Beware of DIY ideas you have while stoned. 1 nail will not hold up a surporting wall and ikea coffee table are no substitute for real skateboards.
In the event of being prosecuted for possesstion, remember 'shit happens' is not a valid legal defence as how an ounce of it wound up in your car.
Smoking a joint can kill 700 brain cells. Mind you, watching Ready Steady Cook kills twice that many and also ruins yout appetite.
Bewear of great fashion ideas you may have while stoned. Wearing the same black jeans a 'Metallica' T-Shirt for 3 years is not a fashion statement, it's a health hazard.
Police Men - bewear of your snifferdogs developing a drug habit. Early warnings include sitting around the kennel all day sitting in their own excrement and eating 200 weight of Winalot.
Cannabis contains around 4 times as many cancer-causing chemicals as orginary tobacco. However, given you've got to go sometime. It might aswell be on a magic carpet with a mouth full of Hula Hoops.
Practise the art of getting out of conversations with out admitting you was thinking of something else. As a rule of thumb, 'I'm afraid we'll have to disagree on that' is good whereas 'didn't you say there would be a buffet?' is not
In the event of being busted, never try to make a run for it. Theres nothing funnier then 12 junkies bouncing off the walls like marbles trying to find the door way, while the police sit around and smoke the evidence.
