Supergroup a hit at downtown hibachi bar

By Victor Stemple

12/23/01

ISLAND PARK – When members of the hip-hop boy band W.A.N.G. announced that they would make an appearance at the Japanese Steak House named Shogun, locals weren’t sure what to expect. What they got was a memorable night of holiday revelry, highlighted by a no-holds-barred knife-throwing contest between the restaurant staff and the singers of WANG.

WANG was scheduled to arrive at 7PM, and by five o’clock, the groupies had already begun to set up camp. Many of the women in the crowd had to be treated for hyperventilation as the clock neared the hour of the band’s arrival. Said one fan "I can’t believe they’re really going to be here. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be some kind of hoax, like when Tubby was supposed to be at Wrestlemania!" The groupie was referring to Tubby’s short-lived stint as member of the tag-team "The Dominators."

Fortunately for the crowd at hand, the band showed up as expected. Dressed in full Christmas regalia, the band kicked off the festivities by chucking half-eaten buffalo wing bones at the fawning crowd.

"Gotta give a little back to the little people we stepped on to get here, ya know?" said Hellcat.

The crowd was grateful for the band’s generosity, and they gave W.A.N.G. a standing ovation as they entered the restaurant. Admittedly, this may have been due to the fact that the W.A.N.G. posse had stolen all of the guests’ chairs. This slight inconvenience would not damper the spirits of the rabid fans however. At one point in the evening, a man who police would only identify as Bernie The Hamster dove across a steaming hot hibachi bar just to get an up close glimpse of his favorite W.A.N.G member, Cartesian Collins.

"I painted my dog’s balls purple too!" screamed the WANG supporter, as he was hauled off to the emergency room for minor burns. Once the hysteria emerging from that remark settled down a bit, the time had come to chow down. And chow down they did! Frank and Jackie challenged Hellcat to a chicken eating contest. Hellcat won, but his chicken was undercooked and he had to join Bernie The Hamster in the emergency room.

"Eh," said Hellcat. "You ungrateful bastards. Next time, if you want cooked chicken, bring it yourself. Piece of shit."

Big John tried to use chopsticks to eat his meal, but inadvertently poked Babe in her eye as she demanded Italian dressing from the waitstaff. Tubby attempted to apply first-aid to the injured Babe, but was maimed himself, as a flashbulb from Erin’s camera temporarily blinded him, causing him to lose balance and get sliced by the hibachi cook, who was performing knife tricks. As Tubby’s wrist sprouted blood, Mike V exclaimed, "That was cool! Let me try!"

Mike V pulled out his set of Ginzu 2000 knives and challenged the Hibachi chef to a knife-throwing contest. They took turns hurling blades at fruit that they rested on Tubby’s head. Tubby suggested that they use Big John’s head instead, but that was deemed too dangerous, for obvious reasons. The contest ended when Frank shot all the fruit with his gun.

Overall, the staff of Shogun was impressed with the stature of WANG’s members, but they seemed particularly enthralled with Plia. Frank told the staff about Plia’s dogs, and for the rest of the night they tried to persuade Plia to bring the dogs to the restaurant.

"Yo! You know what they call Japanese Restaurants in Arizona?" asked Plia. "Chinese Food."