|
Dear Wax, Dude! What is up with your name?! What, were you named after a candle or something? Ha ha ha ha ha! Laughing in Lancaster
|
Dear Laughing, Oh, like I've never heard that before. You will pay... Yes, you will pay. You think you're so funny! Watch your back, you miserable little CENSORED... Wax |
|
Dear Wax, How come you're being so nice to the BB all of a sudden? I thought you were evil and mean and nasty. Out-of-the-Loop in Ottawa |
Dear Out-of-the-Loop, I'm being nice because I've fallen in love with Linz. It is realy so surprising that I am capable of being nice? Hmmm? Don't you think that being in love is a good reason for being nice? I'll have you know that I can be a very nice person if you take the time to get to know me and don't make me angry... Wax |
|
Dear Wax, If you were a food, what would you be, and why? Silly in Saratoga |
Dear Silly, Well, I suppose I'd be... Wait a second! What kind of question it that? This is an advice column not a game of "Let's Make a Date"! Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I am seriously considering burning down the chemistry lab at my school... Why did I decide to go to summer school? I don't think I can take it much longer! I feel like I could snap at any second! If I have to do ONE MORE serial titration, or look at ONE MORE precipitaion reaction, I'm going to lose it! Help! Insane in Illinois |
Dear Insane, First of all... I don't think burning down the chemistry lab would be wise. You could get in trouble for that. Perhaps you should try and relax. Find a nice, quiet place after class where you can unwind and not have to think about chemistry. And please, please be careful with any acids you might have access to. I don't want to hear about any... "accidents" involving your lab TA... Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I have fallen head-over-heels for a guy. But not just any guy, he's smart, funny, sweet, and a great singer! But most of my friends say he just isn't the right guy for me. A few are jealous of the relationship we share, but the others are just mostly confused. Please help me! Far-Fetched deep in Fargo |
Dear Far-Fetched, If you truly care for this guys, then it shouldn't matter what others think. And if your friends are really your friends, then they will eventually accept your relationship. Try not to argue with your friends over this, but be sure to let them know exactly where you stand. Tell them to get to know the guy before they condemn him. Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I was just wondering... are you single? You're such an evil guy... I think that's just so incredibly atractive. So are you available? I think we'd make a great couple. I could help you destroy the Brady Bunch! Really, I could! Wondering in Washington
|
Dear Wondering, I am quite flattered, my dear, but unfortunatly my professional life gives me very little time for romance... Not that I would be opposed to a relationship should the opportunity present itself... Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I have a problem. I want to get a new haircut, but I don't know much about what's in style now. I have a layered cut now. Should I stay with it, or should I get something else done. Your help will be muchly appreciated. Thank you. Not-With-It in Carolina |
Dear Not-With-It, Well, the bald look is always trendy... Just look at Colin! Or Demi Moore! She made it work! I say shave it all off. I would imagine that it's quite comforatble... especially in the summer. You need to make a change every once in a while. Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I think you're mean. Ticked in Tennessee |
Dear Ticked, Well, I'm not particularly fond of you either! Wax |
|
Dear Wax, Why exactly *are* you so angry with your brother? He seems like such a nice person. Don't you think it's a little unfair? I mean, could you at least try to get along with him? Helpful in Harrington |
Dear Helpful, Maybe you're right... But I doubt it. You simply do not understand my motivation where my brother is concerned. Perhaps someday I'll ask someone to write my biography, and then everyone will know the truth... Wax |
|
Dear Wax, I'm having trouble with one of my friends. He was just accidently bitten and turned into a giant lizard. The problem is he doesn't know when to stop eating. He's also stuck in my house. He's taken a few snaps at me, too, but lucky I can out dodge him. Plus he's scaring all my other friends that come over. What should I do? Can you help any? Frightened, scared, and running out of food |
Dear Frightened, My dear, if I were you, I would charge admission! Put up a sign : "See the Lizard-Man! Only $5 and a Pork Chop" You'll make a fortune, and you friend will certainly be well-fed. Of course if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, you could always call the nearest zoo. I'm sure they would be able to extricate him from you house and give him a nice new home. But personally, I'd go for the option that would get me lots of money. Wax |
|
Dear Wax, Help! I spend too much time online! I think I'm addicted. I can't stand to be away from my computer for more than a few hours. Going to school is a nightmare, because I don't have internet access in any of my classes this semester. I can't concentrate on anything. All I think about is checking my email and IMing my e-pals! Addicted in Atlanta |
Dear Addicted, My, my, my, that is a problem. Yes, you most certainly are addicted. Have you tried going cold turkey? I've heard that often works quite well. Or course I've also heard rumors of people having done this and having gone completely insane. You wouldn't be the type to go running naked through the streets of Paris now would you? Wax |
|
Dear Wax, Just who do you think you are? Why are you always trying to destroy the Brady Bunch. That's just mean. They seem like such a nice qroup of people. Just 'cause you're evil doesn't mean you have the right to torment them like that. Irritated in Idaho |
Dear Irritated, Haven't you read the stories? They foil *my* plans every time! I think I have the right to be a little upset with them. I am a villian. It's my job to be evil and mean and cruel. And just for writing to me about this, I'm adding you to my list of enemies! Wax |
|
Dear Wax, Recently I woke up, and I cannot remember who I am. I don't remember anything about my life, or if I have a family. We I woke up, these strangers were around me, and they seemed very concerned, but I didn't recognize them. Do you know who I am? I've been able to fake it pretty well, but I think people are starting to catch on. It would be very embarassing if people knew. Out-of-it in Ontario |
Dear Out-of-it, I'm afraid I have no idea who you are. But look on the bright side. Not remembering who you are could be a good thing. Tell everyone. You'll never get in trouble for forgetting a birthday or an aniversary... You'll never have to pay another bill in your life... (I mean, if you don't even know your own name, how can you know if a bill is for you or not?) There are many good things about not remembering anything about your life. And if all else fails...join the Brady Bunch. Someone is always losing their memory with that group. You'd fit right in. Wax |
| Dear Wax, I have a problem. Every morning when I wake up, I smell like fish. I can't get rid of the smell. My friends never come to see me anymore, and my girlfriend left me. The only person in the world who understands is my pet trout, Frankie, who sleeps at the foot of my bed. What should I do? Stinky in Stockholm |
Dear Stinky, I think I see your problem. The answer is quite simple. GET RID OF THE FISH!!! What kind of person keeps a rotting trout on their bed? My advice to you is to hose down your entire house, take a very long shower, and seek professional psychiatric help. Wax |
| Dear Wax, My twin brother has always been the favorite in the family. It makes me so angry sometimes. I know you have a twin brother, so you know how I feel. How can I feel better about myself? Fed-Up in Phoenix |
Dear Fed-Up, I do know how you feel. Mom always liked that no-good brother of mine best. The best thing you can do right now is to talk to your brother. Tell him how you feel. Then, when he's not looking, set your evil plan in motion and CRUSH HIM LIKE A BUG! Wax |
| Dear Wax, I am very stressed out. Final exams are coming up, and I just feel so completely unprepared. I study day and night, but it just doesn't help. I'm terrified I'm going to fail. Please please tell me what to do! Burned-out in Baltimore |
Dear Burned-out, There's only one solution. Get a hobby. Find something to take your mind off your studies and give your mind time to catalog all of the new info you've been cramming into it. Now me, when I'm stressed, I go down to my basement and devise evil plans to destroy that accursed Brady Bunch, but you should find something that you like. Wax |
| Dear Wax, I have become very scared in the past few months I have become the proverbial "Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde" I do a dino impression for fun, at first it was fine I loved to hear the laughs it would get. But it has become more then that recently, I cannot help becoming the dino. What should I do? Terrifed in Toronto |
Dear Terrified, I've seen your impression. I must admit it *IS* scary! You need more help then just writing in here. See a shrink. Oh, one more thing, people don't laugh at your dino impression, they laugh at YOU! Wax |