Was the previous listing too small for your excitement
drought period? Did you unluckily volunteer to work at a box factory
again? Well, here's another hundred ideas to get the energy into you (and
most likely put the you into the prison)...
- Go for a swim at the local water treatment plant.
- If you have a license (or even if you don't), do as much chaos up
and down your street in your or your neighbour's car. Do doughnuts,
burn-outs, fishies or anything else that seems cool. Set up a ramp and
see how many of the neighbourhood's cars/kids/houses you can jump over.
Do the Central Park scene from Die Hard 3 in someone's backyard.
- Walk along any public place. Pick a person at random and stalk them
for the rest of the day. When they notice you following them everywhere
(and I mean everywhere), duck into a store, or do something
that's supposed to look normal, but is very transparent. Sniff their
neck if you get close enough. Catch their bus. Sit next to them. Then,
for no reason, scream out loud and jump off the bus.
- Go to the movies. See a movie if you're a nerd who can't have
real fun. Otherwise, try to bargain with the ticket-seller. Try to
pass yourself off as a pensioner. Find the projectionist's room, knock
him/her out and have fun with your new job. If someone comes up and
spots you, have a good excuse ready ("Thank god you got here, he tried
to kill me, but I knocked him out, but I was too devoted to my
job to leave my post to tell you." or "Where's my free popcorn?!") Put
subliminal messages into the film (or pornography a la Fight Club).
- Go into any office and pretend you work there. Call an all-staff
conference. Steal as much stationery as you can. Set yourself an office.
Chat up the secretaries. When you've had enough fun, go to the roof and
run along the roofs on this street (a la The Crow). If you fall, too
bad.
- Spread vicious rumours. Be creative. Set up a computer program to
make them up and post them every so often to the appropriate newsgroups.
- Read The Lord of The Rings out aloud in public. Backwards.
- Gate-crash as many parties as you can in one night. Get that record
and try to beat it.
- Try to break the human land-speed record (who says rockets aren't
allowed, just touch the ground every few hundred metres).
- Borrow about a hundred dollars from a friend. Ignore them from now
on. Then go to the library and convert the money to coins. Photocopy the
most raunchiest page in a book you can find. Photocopy as many copies
you can get with the coins. Let it print as you go home to have a
well-earned rest.
- Ask your local Internet Service Provider if you can buy one minute.
Bug them until they let you. Then complain about the price. Take your
business elsewhere.
- Go on a trip around every shopping centre you know, and sample
everything you can. Eat things from the shelves and then put them back.
"Accidentally" knock over a shelf. Set up a little fort of potatoes and
launch fruit and vegetables at shoppers. Try to incite a food fight.
Take about 50 items to the "8 items or less" lane. Then wander off to
get something "you forgot" and go home.
- Go to your local university and pretend you are a great scientist
(or even better, philosopher). Get really angry when they say they
didn't know you were coming. Persuade them to allow you to put on a
lecture. Teach them a "new" idea in physics that works, no matter what
everything else says ("Now, there's only 3 types of atoms. This one's
called Twinky. This one is Wiggles. And this one is called Elvis. Forget
your periodic table people, unless you want to be left behind.") Be very
adamant that you are right and the lecturers are dumb wannabes. Make
sure every constant you give has a letter in it ("... which is
calculated by sin x times your Twinky constant, 3.456Q78. What do you
mean what's that letter doing in there?")
- Stir up newsgroups on the Net. Try to incite as many flame-wars as
you can.
- Ask the bus-driver if he can go fifty and keep it above there. Hold
pieces of wire in your hands while you do it. Laugh maniacally when he
does it.
- Pretend that you, and only you, is caught in a weird alternating
gravity. Jump into people. Explain your condition and that its not your
fault.
- Generate selective hearing at your next court case that you'll have
to go to (if you complete any of the more daring bored ideas).
- Become a professional spammer.
- Go to any big sporting event. Find the nearest security guard. Ask
him/her how much the fine is if someone runs on the field. Ask him/her
if he/she will run after you if you do it. Tell them you are a
masochistic and lurve being man-handled. Make it look like your
clothes are really tight and ask them if they can hold onto them for a
sec while you go do something.
- Write your manifesto.
- Go to a store that you don't really like. Do weird walk-bys of its
door. If you've seen Bean (you know Rowan Atkinson) and seen the bit
where he's in the room with the one-way mirror, you'll get my drift.
- Crunch up into a ball and roll everywhere. Try to find a skateboard
bowl and do it there.
- Hail a taxi and ask them to take you to Paris. When you get kicked
out, try on the next one. Try this tactic on a bus, or even a normal
person's car. When the police arrive after a while for obstructing the
peace, ask them if they can take you to Paris.
- Get the most evil person you know (other than yourself after you
perform this method) and smash them with a brick. While they are knocked
out, drag them out to your pre-arranged stage. Do your Amazing
Magician's act. Display your Amazing Person of Rubber. Then set them up
to do an Amazing Feat of Escapology. Lock them in a crate (handcuffed,
tied, gagged, set in stone) with a small hole (you'll see later), chain
and tie it up. Dangle the whole thing off a bridge. Drop a few meat-ants
into the hole. Give the person about a minute, otherwise you'll drop
them off the bridge. After the minute is up, (this has to be perfectly
orchestrated) drop them just as a boat "accidentally" travels
underneath. After all this, have fun in jail for the next fifty years.
- As with above, perform an Amazing Magic Show. Do a few lame tricks.
Then bet everyone you can remove such-and-such's shirt without touching
their buttons. Rip it off. Apologise and give the person your home
number. Do a William Tell take-off. Flee when it all goes horribly
wrong.
- See if you can break the dam wall.
- Dress up as Batman and drive around in your modified car. Bash up
anyone that looks funny. Have a friend set up the Bat-signal for you.
Coax Alicia Silverstone to join your dark crusade (or if you're a girl
or gay, get Chris O'Donnell).
- Get your hands on a bus, tank or plane (preferably jet plane). Have
fun driving (or flying) them around maniacally. Do your favourite movie
scene (even if it doesn't use that vehicle (i.e. try to do Speed on a
Stealth Bomber: "I gotta keep this thing above... that big number. Oh
darn, there goes another missile.")). Make sure you park it in an
underground carpark and then go shopping.
- Hitch-hike on an airport tarmac. (At least it looks more fun than
sitting around doing nothing)
- Prove to your friends that Bruce Lee wasn't so tough. Do your
one-inch thick baseball bat swing. Or try (I said try) to do a
flip-kick. Put in as many "Hiya!" or "Wata!" sounds as you can. Even say
threats to them out of synch.
- Make up a second personality and visit a psychiatrist. See what he
or she makes of it.
- Here's the whole idea behind this one: "I bet you can't get a bus on
top of a building".
- Climb the Himalayas. Naked.
- Find your nearest stockpiler of CDs or vinyls of a band you detest
the most and go berzerk with a baseball bat.
- On a big festival day, pretend to be a pyrotechnician working on the
fireworks. When the time comes to let them off, fire them into the
crowd. Laugh maniacally if it helps.
- Ring up your ex and tell them that you have already or are finally
willing to change whatever was wrong. When they finally give in, say "Is
this 555-6786? It isn't? Oh sorry."
- See how far you can kick that irritating toddler cousin.
- Join a neo-nazi extremist group or something for a while. Then quit
because it's "not strong enough for you".
- Get a magnifying glass and fry ants all afternoon. Laugh maniacally
after each fatality. Warn that you're after the next one soon, maybe
even the queen.
- (This is only really applicable for people in Australia with the
cane toad problem) Write a document on the myriads of ways you have
killed toads. Be creative and bizarre. Play games with the toad's lives
("Look out Indy! It's a huge block of stone!"
SMUNCH!)
- Leave a "Secret Admirer" note on your most evil co-worker's desk,
with directions to the roof for a "secret romantic rendezvous". When
they get there, put a fake note on the side, with lots of weird writings
on it. As they read it, push them off the edge (or better still,
threaten to (Tell them to keep away from him/her. Drive the co-worker
nuts. >: ) )).
- Get three other stressed out friends to stand on top of buildings
and do that ad where they throw a frisbee to each other. Throw a hot
apple pie once. Or for the militaristically enhanced amongst you, a
landmine.
- Get your office's or home furniture and drag it all up to the roof.
Then throw each individual piece of furniture off the edge. Make games
of it (i.e. see if you can hit the other building and which floor, try
to get a taxi with your sofa or a police car that will eventually show
up). Use the furniture to barricade the door so the long arm of the law
don't interfere with your "simple stress relief".
- Get your neighbour's dog and perform the world's first unaided
amateur dog bunjee jump or sky-dive.
- Find a glasshouse and throw stones.
- Or even better, buy some golf clubs and go around the street and see
how many balls it takes to get the owner outside screaming at you.
Devise a points system. Five points for a window. Ten points for an
occupant. Twenty for their car. Twenty for their computer screen or TV.
Double points for ricocheting it off the owners head and into a
breakable item. Mark down each house's score and see which course is
best. Remember this for next time.
- Steal a car and see how long it takes for you to get the whole
police force in the area after you. Make a head for the next state and
wreak havoc there. If you live in the USA, go on a round tour of the 48
states (well you could include Alaska and have a practice in Canada) and
record your best times and best numbers. Try to notch up higher damage
costs. Switch cars if you have to or can (take expensive sports cars at
whatever cost).
- Take to your office computer with whatever lovely weapon you can. I
can recommend: hammers, baseball bats, cattle prods, chairs, C4
explosives, brass knuckles and tanks.
- Do this to a car. Anybody's car. But not your own (you gotta make a
getaway when the owner comes out to persuade you not to damage his car).
- Do drivebys at Universities. Or if you go to Uni and need some of
those people to cheat off, find the local Microsoft software distributer
(or Macintosh if you feel so compelled).
- Go to the library. Smile nicely at the librarians. Chat up the young
helpers. Then ask to be excused and then begin flinging the entire
science-fiction section at other people. Try to make domino effects with
the shelves. Run around until the staff are forced to call the police
and begin photocopying your butt about a thousand times. Then set fire
to the place and laugh maniacally several times.
- Walk up to a guard at a mental institution and tell him you just
escaped and forgot to bring your pillow. Now that you're admitted into
the institution, try to persuade the psychiatrists there (violently or
not) that this was a big mistake. Do bits out of One Flew Over the
Cuckoo's Nest. Try to lead a revolt. Do the same when they throw you in
prison.
- Find a jackhammer and have fun writing your name into everything
made of stone. Or just sit there and see how deep you can drill. Or
better still, abandon the jackhammer and get some heavy machinery and go
release some stress.
- Travel off to a Southern town (to dem yokels) and persuade them to
join in the festivities at the local cheese-rolling competition. For
those who don't know its all about throwing a big hunk of cheese down a
steep, slippery slope and people have to run down and chase it. But hold
yours at the Grand Canyon or Ayres Rock. Or even Mt Everest if you can.
Pretend to throw a cheese down. Or roll it into the nearest abyss and
laugh maniacally.
- Get a monkey and allow him to do whatever
he wants at the local museum.
- Go to Israel and join in the festivities for a few years. Become a
suicide bomber who just happens to throw the bomb at the targets instead
of detonating it on his body.
- Go to the next Celine Dion, Pavarotti or boyband concert and have
evil fun. For example: disconnect the microphones, bug the security, run
on stage (several times), boo, run on stage again and kiss the
performer/s or throw waterbombs or smoke grenades (or stun grenades if
you can).
- (It's an old joke, but a goodie) Go to an old folks home and steal
all their walking frames and walking sticks. Run outside and yell
"Fire!"
- Go to a hospital and wander about for a while. If nurses ask you
what you're doing, just say, "Oh, don't worry". After an hour, tell them
you have ebola.
- Wear a vampire costume and raid the local blood bank. Grow a taste
for blood. Run after blood donors hungrily.
- Go to a religious procession and scream loudly at the most
inappropriate times. Pretend that nothings wrong and look around for the
offender. Bring a bag of red dye or pig's blood. Make your chest
"explode" in a spectacular performance on center stage. Stagger about
screaming, "The End is Here! My Jihad is complete! The virus! The
virus!"
- Have fun with Paintball weapons on city streets.
- Spend the next, oh say, five months in bed, and have demands ready
for the people who want to get you out. Spend the time relaxing. Ring up
and have "entertainment" come, whether there are people in the room or
not. Even better, do all this in someone else's bed.
- Have as much fun as you possibly can with a rubber snake. Or a real
one.
- Incite a Jihad (Holy War) in your town.
- Try to make breakdancing an Olympic Sport.
- Get your voice on the radio by any means possible. Or even better,
do what they did in Airheads and take over the radio station.
- Make it your goal to ruin someone's ambition in life.
- Break up your friend's relationships (i.e. really annoy their
boyfriend/girlfriend and say its from them).
- Join a gay mardi gras. Have fun on the other side (not recommended,
although I have no personal experience. If anyone has tried this, email
me).
- Become a voluntary doctor for a day. Have your best intentions at
heart (laugh at stupid pun).
- Kinda like above, talk to everyone in puns. Pretend that it's
hysterical.
- Try to coax the guys at NASA to stow you away on the next trip to
the moon.
- Try to hack the CIA's, FBI's, NSA's and White House's computers.
Move to Spain.
- Attempt to disprove the theory that your tongue can't touch your
ear.
- Ring up the FBI and ask for Agents Mulder and Scully. When they hang
up, ring again. Tell them that "you know..."
- Slash wheels at carparks.
- Be a deaf or blind person for a day. Do your best Mr Magoo.
- Knock on people's doors. Ask stupid questions ("Um, is your water,
like, red? It isn't? Uh oh."). Or do the childish, knock and run away.
Repeat several times. Construct devices so you can knock from your car,
for a quick getaway.
- Attend some random person's birth. Kiss the mother and give them a
present.
- Give someone you don't really know a big bunch of flowers with the
message, "Here's payment in advance." Ring up and ask them when they'll
do it. Never explain what "it" is. If they ask, tell them to be serious.
- Write a computer-virus. Put a little piece of text: Engineered by
WiLLy GaTeS.
- Set up blind dates with people on the street.
- Go to a fast-food joint and sit next to someone. Eat their fries and
drink their drink. Eyeball them whenever they eat any of "your" food.
- Put LSD in the food at all-you-can-eats, especially if its at a
senior citizen hang-out.
- Become a homie for a day.
- Do Monty Python sketches with people. Do the Silly Walk whenever you
can. Buy a parrot.
- Make grunting noises to communicate. Combine with number 13.
- Borrow a wheelchair and enjoy the benefits of being disabled, whilst
not being disabled (get a doctor friend to forge a document saying that
you have selective paraplegia).
- Anagram names to make weird phrases that have something to do with
them (Alec Guinness=Genuine Class, Tom Cruise=So I'm Cuter, Jesus
Christ=Such Jest Sir)
- Try to get personal correspondance with: Bill Clinton, Bill Gates,
the Queen, the Pope and the cast of friends. Try to coax nude photos of
them to release to the press for millions of dollars (shudder... The
Pope shudder... Bill Gates... shudder... The Queen, in fact, shudder for
most of them)
- Participate in new drug testing (like where Bart tries that new soft
drink).
- Buy your way into the Olympics.
- Try to be the next Pope.
- Get involved in a sexual harrassment trial with Bill Clinton (Not
another!)
- Work your way up the Mafia hierarchy.
- Develop a new file format.
- Get your friends to drive you around in a car for several hours and
then drop you off, and you have to find your way back home. Get
suspicious if you feel like you're in an aircraft or ship cargo hold.
- Knock out a taxi-driver and take his job. Have fun breaking the
rules. If the cops come, pull the taxi driver you have stuffed under the
seat and put him in the driver's seat. Keep the money you earned.
- Write the Bible for the younger generation (like what Bazz Luhrman
did to Romeo & Juliet
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