This thesis will attempt to tackle the main questions concerning this "epidemic": What it really is, Who is involved, Why are they involved, What is the ulterior motive and What the aliens and FBI have to do with it.

Firstly, this epidemic is media driven. They found a good topic and stuck with it. Compared with caterpillars, sex seems the best option for a news story. What information and fads about caterpillars can be thrust onto the public? Well, caterpillars are wiggly things. They make a squish sound when you step on them and don't bite. Fads come few and far between for caterpillars. "Dress up as a Caterpillar Day" would be the most stupidest campaign possible. Media celebrities cannot have "secret caterpillars" or "raunchy hidden caterpillar urges". However, with sex, it's a different kettle of caterpillars.

"Actor involved in SEX SCANDAL!" is much more appealing than "Actor kills rabid caterpillar". So the media urge for sex-based articles is born. Sex has zillions of things you can talk about. Positions, measurements, diseases, relationships and disgusting fetishes can all come under the auspice of sex. Most of people's opinions about others is based on it. "That girl I met the other day had humungus bazookas" is much more of an attention-getter in a conversation than "That girl I met the other day has a massive caterpillar at home".

The biggest thing however, is the hang-ups associated with sex's importance. "Am I big enough?", "Have you done it before?" or "What's that funny looking thing?" drives many people's emotions, and therefore, most of their lives. Sex is so important to the modern generations that if you aren't perfect enough (i.e. well-endowed or wafer-thin), your social ranking drops. Why isn't humanity obsessed with how high your IQ is or how many M&Ms^tm you can eat simultaneously? Because you can't do quantum physics or feast on M&Ms^tm in the back of your car, does that mean that you are less of a person?

But who could benefit from all this? Other than the "users" (for want of a better word), it's the businesspeople. To quote Warren G, "Money makes the world go `round, and the panties drop..." Such true words. Money drives sex. This explains why hookers ask for money instead of M&Ms^tm or caterpillars. For a good example of the importance this plays, look at the Internet, the largest organization of people in the world. A large majority of it is devoted to the evils of life, and more specifically, sex and sexually-oriented activities. All ranges of interest in this "field" are covered, although written in simple, four-lettered, repetitive language to get through to the rock-apes searching for cheap kicks ("SEX SEX NUDE NUDE..." etc). And with the proliferation of this business, it's easy to make a buck off something everyone thinks they need 18 hours a day. Adult Identification devices are only included so someone can make a buck by pretending to protect the "youngens" from "damaging their mental and emotional stability". Net-Nanny and the like are another example of this.

Apart from the Internet, sexually-geared business (bad choice of words I know.... i.e. the products are for sex) is a large section of the industry. Creating oddly shaped machines that shake a bit and have no sharp corners is a booming industry. Belting out pictures of naked celebrities in women's gossip magazines (and men's pornographic material) is a licence to print money. Telling people to "do it more often" and stamping the letters "Sex Therapist" on yourself is easy. All this is horrendously easy, and terrifically successful. To prove it, just have a look at a newsagency. See the portion devoted to sexually-oriented subjects and look at the rest of the store. Whole shelves are devoted to raunchy material, which excels the gardening section by miles, and dwarfs even the caterpillar mags. Whole shops are devoted to "toys" and such "material". Where are the shops devoted to caterpillars or M&M^tm consumption? Yet again, the stability in investing in sex is evident.

As before, money is the main driving force. But hidden driving forces, not easily seen or discussed, are fairly important. The fetish in some of us and the interest into the bizarre and extensive world of sexual practices provides the hook. Do people want to know about the involvement of caterpillars in Satanic rituals? No. But sex in Satanic rituals, that's another story. We can understand and picture somewhat the experience and we can bring it up in parties and not get the impression that you are on LSD or something. Kids won't listen to a riveting tale about the composition of a hydrogen atom, but put one overhead sheet dealing with sex education and you have them. Sex opened up a whole new range of excuses. "You're not active enough", "Sorry Simon, I'm looking for a real woman" and "I couldn't do my homework because it was that time of the month again..."

Where would we be without sex? Probably in a much less crowded place. So much is the obsession with procreation, we have altered the chances of natural selection. In the really early days, man was just another animal. However, now, man is much more predominant than caterpillars, which is a real worry. If sex was deemed only a job to do to help the human race along, many changes would be evident:

• Beds would be for sleeping.
• Half the Internet would be lost.
• Bill Clinton would still have a reputation.
• Britney Spears would be known for her music and nothing else. (Google's traffic would halve)
• Plastic surgery would be rendered a obscure practice.
• There would be no such thing as Sex In The City (scratch that, there would be no such thing as soapies or sitcoms).
• No Jerry Springer.
• X-Files would be taken as a show about conspiracy theories and paranormal phenomena, rather than the invisible sexual chemistry between two agents who happen to stumble on aliens and weirdos. (SARCASM)
• Newsagencies would be a much emptier place.
• Women's magazines would have to deal with *SHOCK* real issues!
• The market for kinetic oscillators (otherwise known as vibrators) would be non-existant.
• The beginning of the universe would be the "Big Collision" instead of the sexually overtoned "Big Bang"
• Lots of music artists would be stuck on song subjects.
• Artists would paint caterpillars.
• The instinctive lock-on breasts mode inbuilt in men would be useless.
• Butts would be for sitting and very, very little else.
• Toilet cubicles would be much cleaner and would be used much quicker.
• The word "interface" wouldn't bring a sly grin on many a nerd's face.
• Al Bundy would have committed suicide (or then again, would be very happy).
• The feminist movement would have very little to complain about.
• Hands would be for using tools, not using tools.
• Satan worshippers would have to hunt for caterpillars for their rituals.
• The church would ban artificial limbs (that's as close they can get to artifical contraception).
• Getting kicked in the nether-regions wouldn't be as important.
• Cars wouldn't be that important.
• Asking a gorgeous person to help with schoolwork would be for exactly that and nothing else.
• People would pick relationships from *SHOCK* personalities.
• You wouldn't be reading this.

A blessing and also a curse, sex is the most important factor in the world's decisions. Remember this article, and think twice before you "do the do".