The Suspect

The database indicates that the male suspect is identified as Howard Timothy Steinberg the Third. Investigations show he uses many aliases, such as: "WiZMaN", "Da L33T Digi-Phr33k", "HTS3" and "Horny4UBabe16f". He denies any implication of being a lonely, sixteen year old nymphomaniac, although IRC logs show otherwise.

The most peculiar thing was the suspect's horrific physical condition. The lab came back with the following medical observations:

• Irregular curvature of the spine. Precisely the shape of a chair back.
• Extreme myopic vision
• Low blood temperature
• Severe RSI of the eyes and hands
• Click response of his right index finger was twenty times faster than normal
• Extreme sugar levels
• Hardened arteries due to intense caffeine intake. We believe the only reason he has not died is that he does no exercise.
• Severe sleep deprivation
• Atrophied leg muscles
• Extreme levels of phosphoric radiation on the upper torso

The suspect could barely speak intelligible English. He constantly babbled about "haxoring" everyone and demonstrated intense homophobia by declaring everything "gay". Whilst detained, the suspect was noted to be frequently screaming, "All your base are belong to us". The suspect is current under psychological examination.

Contents of the Suspect's Apartment

Even more surprising than the suspect's mental state were his possessions. An overview of the main finds:

• Several hundred empty cereal boxes. Count Chocula, Froot Loops and Captain Crunch featured predominately. All cereals were found on the government's "LD50 sugary cereal" list.
• Beside the cereal boxes was an assortment of pizza boxes, Chinese take-away boxes and some hamburger wrappers. The floor underneath was glistening with oil. Forensics indicate food samples from as long ago as 10 years were in the boxes.
• Immediately adjacent to the suspect's computer was a fridge stocked to the brim with Jolt Cola. Piles of Jolt invoices were found nearby.
• The suspects computer was state-of-the-art, overloaded with hardware. After turning it off, the state power grid levels jumped 23%. The phone jacks in the wall had been melted from overuse.
• A complete library of operating system and programming language reference books filled up the living room. Most had been well-worn.
• 20 square feet of burnt rewritable CDs occupied most of the computer room. Ten percent of the disks seemed to be computer games, applications and other miscellanea. Another ten percent seemed to be illegal MP3 recording. The remaining discs were pornographic, of all shapes, sizes and tastes.

On the computer's hard-drive were several other astonishing finds:

• Approximately 2 gigabytes of hacking and security resources, including illegal copies of the "Rainbow" book series.
• Massive logs of IRC and ICQ chats, most obscene.
• An extensive directory of Usenet posts related to the word "kibo"
• Copies of the Anarchist's Handbook and other bomb-making material. No attempts at any bombs seem to be made.
• A "snarfs" file. Apparently treasured numerical records, like being the 10 millionth Yahoo! member and finding the largest palindromic prime. Possibly an indicator to some mania or other mental illness.
• A bookmarks file of approximately ten thousand entries. Astonishingly, over half of them were recently visited.
• Hundreds of Usenet posts regarding conspiracy theories, September 11, Barney the Dinosaur and the Bureau.
• Innumerable pictures of Britney Spears.
• Counterstrike clan plans, philosophy and track record.

Conclusion

We conclude that the mental state of the suspect definitely needs consideration and evaluation. However, strict supervision must be employed lest the suspect walk out into sunlight and the real world, and possibly shrivel up.