- You get more chain letters than real mail.
- Your prison roster for the next 3 years is "Mummy".
- Your girlfriend can only complement you on your nice shoes.
- You can't feel your legs.
- When delivering a speech, you have this overwhelming sensation of
accidental nudity.
- The day before the most important exam in your life, you break both
hands.
- Your mouse moves in the opposite direction to the way your hand is
going.
- You quadruple click the icons, but they just won't do anything.
- Tech support says: "Yeah, right."
- The judge whispers: "Let's nail this sucker."
- You go to shoot the bad guy with the rocket launcher and your gun
only replies with a *click*.
- In the middle of sex, your partner says: "The paint's dry."
- You wake up one morning and find out that you're in the wrong
hemisphere (or that you should be connected with the Mir space station
in 10 minutes).
- Someone commits suicide by leaping off a 20 storey building... onto
your new car.
- That "little secret fling" you had comes to screeching halt when her
boyfriend shows up at your place and he has a bigger handspan than your
chest.
- Your invaluable CD collection became drinks coasters at last night's
party.
- Thieves steal the shell of your car, leaving you with wheels, engine
and assorted parts, just nothing to hold them together.
- Your new BMW is turned into a metal pancake on the way to get
insurance.
- A drunken friend forces you to be William Tell's son and he can't
even see where the apple is.
- Your watch goes backwards.
- When you boot up your computer it displays the message, "Operating
System Not Found."
- Your dog is asked out to more parties than you.
- You end up going to a buck's night, in a miniskirt. And you're a
guy.
- Your boss insists on being called Obi Wan.
- Your final test paper has simply: "Explain, in detail, the course's
subject matter."
- Or it is more precise: "Discuss the consequences of quantum
electrochromodynamics and the relativistic effects associated with an
experiment involving 2,3-diphenyl,4-methyldecane in a rotating body."
- When your own dog won't stop barking and snarling at you.
- Your doctor prescribes cyanide.
- You're kidnapped by a guy wielding a rusty chainsaw and no-one
cares.
- Your lawyer manages to turn your parking violation into a stroll
down death row.
- People tend to only reply to you: "Sure..."
- Someone steals your front door.
- The Mafia knock on your door and don't seem to be selling
chocolates.
- You find out that you are unwittingly in a porno movie that has
miraculously jumped into the top ten box-office takings of all-time.
- You get caught naked, smeared with peanut butter and watching Ricki
Lake.
- You spend the day running away from a guy brandishing a crucifix,
garlic, holy water and he tries to drive a stake into your chest.
- Someone changed the locks to your house... And you live alone in
your own house.
- Your family constitutes most of the FBI Top Ten Most Wanted List.
- You buy a new computer but instead of a power box, there's just a
wheel with a hamster sleeping inside.
- "This TV show was sponsored by the four horseman of the Apocalypse.
Death to all quicker than the opposition."
- Your favourite sporting team was annihilated by a rabid caterpillar.
- Your friends replace you with a
monkey.
- You seriously consider using Things
To Do When You're Insanely Bored.
- You learnt a whole tonne from The
Reliable Relationship
Resource.
- You're allergic to sex and your partner's a nymphomaniac.
- You recognise more than one of the above situations
|
