The system works as such: Women, automatically genetically encoded with HCA (attributed to the XX chromosome), are able to transmit any information along the WWWW. This is usually flooded with details about males and their incapability to maintain some part of a relationship or what to wear (see later for more explanation). This information flies along the branches of the WWWW, the physical properties of which are unknown. It has been suggested that women transmit this information telepathically, hence the prominence of women psychics. Each individual woman is connected to a central network hub (otherwise known as 'girlfriends') which branches out to the other women somewhat involved in that female's life. Each woman is linked up this way and overlapping of networks occur. This overlapping explains the Bloody Fast Domino Effect of HCA (see later). Through these networks women can express thoughts to the others, but it is subject to another strange phenomena called the Bias Phenomena. Through the distances that the information travels, pollution, sub-quantum effects and gravitation influxes, the information comes out slightly altered (comparable to line noise on the Net). The information, because of an inverse relationship to Planck's Constant, comes out biased against the male subject. This is best explained as below:

Woman A "Gee, Gary was slightly rude. His marginally bigoted comments were slightly upsetting." Bias Phenomena.... Received Message "Goddammit, Gary was so hideous towards me. His vulgar, chauvinistic comments almost destroyed my emotional balance. He hates every woman in the world now..."

This Bias Phenomena has caused much confusion in many men's minds. A simple constructive comment about a girl's appearance can turn into the most hideous incarnation devised. This explains why a single comment to one girl can upset fifty of her friends who will hate you for the rest of your life. This can also be applied in reverse as a really nice guy can suddenly be in the "good books" of the same fifty girls because his Bias variance made him from an "okay" guy to a really sensitive, caring, creative, loving man. Due to the complex intricacies involved in the WWWW system, men cannot bypass or cheat the system, but can only survive on real values only.

The Friendship Influence explained above, the general friendliness of every woman involved in a minor network which depends on one outlet, is part of the Bloody Fast Domino Effect of HCA. The influence in relationships is instantaneously updated by this effect and is updated whenever a change in the system occurs. Therefore, the WWWW is a very dynamic network system, capable of altering to suit the current effects.

Women flaunt the WWWW because they can transmit vast amounts of information, no matter how trivial, across the network faster than any telecommunications link. The main advantage is the portability. Wherever the female can go, as long as she has her body with her, she has full access to the WWWW. This brings us to another factor of the HCA communications network: How do they receive all their information? There is a few main theories, one which stood for a short while, but was quickly contradicted and therefore abolished. This theory was that women's breasts were the key to the data receiving. This seemed to hold up with a few cases, where more (ahem) laden women tended to be more gossipy. However, this theory was abolished with the notion that Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith would have the biggest receivers in the world, but they lacked any communication skills whatsoever, so breasts and HCA have now been announced as mutually exclusive factors.

The theories that do seem to work are as follows:

• Melrose Parties are the outlet of otherwise significantly large amounts of data, so they can only be transmitted over short distances and to as many people as possible. The plot lines are also suggested to help spark forgetful memories.
• Women's bathrooms are internationally recognised as the super-hubs of the network. Here, all information can be uploaded to the many different smaller hubs for fast distribution and replication.
• Although it is only particularly found in young girls, the "huddle into a group and don't face the boys" technique is a method of resource pooling. However, it has very sensitive links and the presence of any male within approximate hearing range breaks these links.
• Although men find it a very minor hassle, women's selection of clothing is very fundamental to female psychology. It is the eleventh commandment for women that "Thou must not wear the same clothes or something similar, than someone else already at the venue". This can ruin network lines if not heeded. Therefore, when it takes a women half an hour to pick a dress, men should not complain, she is simply conferencing the network and getting their opinion, whilst still keeping her link up.

One last finding of the case study is that the HCA only works at certain capabilities at certain stages of the woman's life. As with all learning and skills, the youngest can barely utilise this concept and therefore, need much practice. This is where the teenage years come in. During the teenage years, the network is the most frequently accessed body function, even more used than the heart! Constant usage of this network is necessary to a teenage girl's survival. When a woman is between her first 21st birthday and her twentieth 21st birthday she loses most of her HCA due to work-related stress and the importance of only one Brad Pitt in the world. (women never go beyond 21 years of age, due to a inherent bug in the web design. They still grow older, but men are forced to recognise that the women must be 21 years old. This minor feature is called Plug n Play, what Microsoft copied off for Win95. Once men actually begin to be a big involvement in the WWWW, just by recognition, they are set to cope with this bug) Once a woman reaches her elder years, she regains the HCA and resumes administration of the network. Italian grandmothers (codenamed 'Nonna', or the equivalent of Crays) are exceptionally advanced in HCA so much that they hold the tightest networks and transmit data fifty-two million times faster than normal. This is used to bring women closer to the ultimate goal - "Grand Master Gossip". This is the equivalent of a Grand Master chessplayer. They can detect patterns in behaviour ("I always knew my little Johnny was gay") even before it is possible to make valid conclusions, and they can work through several hundred gossip items per second, hence the incredibly fast speech of Italian grandmothers.

And so, the main mystery of the women's uncanny ability to transmit gossip faster than light has been, in the majority, deciphered. Ignorant men, unknowledgable in this rapidly expanding realm of science, should be pointed towards this article to help inform them on the complex matter of the WWWW, and it's not just gossip, it's the whole world's information infrastructure.