Not that this has anything to do with my entry today, but I am really irritated with Geocities this morning (like, what's new-- right?). I have to wait and wait to upload to my site, and half the time, I can not connect at all. I wonder if any of "you" are having similar problems accessing my site? I know the company is probably doing its best and must have a great deal of web/net traffic to manage, but still---it seems like they would take care of those of us already signed on before taking on new projects! (Like advertising) I guess my time to move this site is rapidly approaching, but the enormity of the project prevents me from diving right into the change!
Now - on to the topic of my heart this morning!
I had a request from someone, (who's site I had visited awhile back), in my mailbox this morning. It was a request for prayer for this lady's friend who was in critical condition. I read the request and thought "what good would it do for me to pray?" I mean, after all, God doesn't need my intervention. He could just as well answer one prayer request as a hundred, so what difference would it make for me to join in the prayer circle? After all, quantity is not what counts with God. It is quality. Right?
It's rather interesting that this request came now because the entire concept of "god" has been weighing heavily on my heart this last year. I guess the stress and strains of life have caused me to question the validity of my belief system somewhat. But it seems no matter how far I stray from my Faith, I am always tugged back to the center by those "heartstrings" of mine that seem to be so entwined with my Creator's.
And, I guess it is those "strings" that caused me to go ahead and pray for the anonymous friend in need and for her sick friend. It's almost as though there were an invisible link of compassion--a shared responsibility, if you will, that bound me to the heart of the requester and consequently to the request itself. I had a choice -- I could have tossed the mail into the recycle bin knowing full good and well that others had stepped into my place and prayed. But, I couldn't do that. I didn't want to do that! I was, after all, a "child of God" who had a "sister" requesting a favor.
So what makes a "child of God"? Do they belong to a certain denomination? Do they follow a set of rules? Maybe they live in a particular way? Oh, I know---I bet they are the ones that are "chosen" by God! Most certainly they must be someone like myself---right? It is an interesting and complex question--I wonder if there really is one, "accurate" answer?
Personally, I believe that everyone is a child of God-- they just may not know it. Or some may "know" it, but consider themselves to be adopted into the position or status-- (kind of like being a pedigreed puppy instead of a mongrel). And though, I have never been very good about "following the rules", I have however, loved God since I was a tiny, tiny little girl! At one point, I even wanted to grow up and be a nun, and devote my life to God. (Of course I also wanted to be Flash Gordon - ? ;-). The point is, as a wee one, barely old enough to really realize what good and evil were, I felt this love--this internal tug toward the Creator. And though I didn't really knowGod, He knew me and that was all that was important
As I grew, adults and society began assigning names and conditions upon this naïve Faith of mine and doctrine and rules and history and ritual began to creep in. After all, one can not remain a child forever, one must grow and mature. And to walk "the Christian walk" one must be duty bound in that growth! -- Right? -- But, aren't we forever children of our loving parents? Isn't that enough to rest in? I don't have to prove I am my father's daughter, it is a given fact. (And he will not let me forget it either:) But even in my current situation as a caretaker to my Dad - he is still the parent , even though the roles are now reversed. And isn't God the most loving of parents? And if we always remain the children of our parents - well it seems only natural to me to then assume that we also always remain a child of God's.
It comforts me to write this, just as it comforts me to think about it and mull it over in my mind. I am a child of God. Nothing can undo that. It is a given and permanent position. And since this world is such a scary place and it is so easy for me to wander off and get lost once in awhile, I am ever so grateful that I have a Father watching after me. A Father to gently tug me in the right direction when I have strayed off the path, sometimes not even knowing I am lost. Ah, yes those "tuggings and nudges". Just a slight pull at my heartstrings, a gentle "hey---come back here----you've gone a little too far out for your own safety" is all it takes (usually). And sometimes there is complete silence as I wandering off on my own to discover only the things that can be discovered "out there"on my own. But when I get in to deep or get hungry or sleepy or hurt--or confused, there He is, the Loving Parent He is, ready to reel me back in to safety and truth.
Oh, yeah. One other thing I also need to mention. In all fairness, I can be a bit, emmmm, how would you say-----"stubborn"? Consequently, I have learned after many trials, that it is much easier to attend to God's gentle nudgings early on than ignore Him until He has to yank my chain! And oh, boy! When that happens, you take a quick look upward. Or, at least I do.
And what about that issue of quality vs. quantity? My guess is neither is particularly important to God, that it is the level of devotion which emanates from each person's heart that makes Him smile, not how good the deeds were or how many souls were won. The purer our love is to Him, the better we serve Him.
My God--today I tried to serve you just a bit because of an opportunity you made available. So just for a tiny second, I obeyed and put away my doubt and did as I was asked. And as always, You have in turn given back to me many time over what I put forth for you. A day of reflection and worship, a day of quiet satisfaction as I confirm my beliefs, a day almost over, but which promises a bright tomorrow. All this my God, because I said a little prayer----Thank God!
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