3:50 p.m.
This is going to be short, but I hope sweet. :-)
I have not made any entries because I have been extremely ill. Now that I have been x-rayed, scanned, imaged, poked, prodded and, generally messed with -- well, I am no better than I was before. BUT. I am under the care of some very special rheumatologists who, at the very least, are educated about my condition, and agressively trying to treat it.
Oh. Yeah. My condition. I have some type of autoimmune disease. The label that has been attached is Fibromyalgia. In addition to this mystery illness, I have arthritis of the feet and hip and scoliosis of the spine. Sounds terrible doesn't it? Well, it isn't. It is just one of those limitations we learn to live with - I am trying to learn to live with mine!
I am being fitted with some special orthopaedic devices for my feet and a cane. This weekend was the first, ever, that I have been willing to use a wheel chair to get around a store. It really helped. My dear Keith though, was apparently more upset than I about my latest adjustment to limitations saying quietly to me after we got home: "I didn't like seeing you in that chair." Bless him. I didn't like being in it, but was grateful to be able to wander around a large warehouse with him without having to stop every few minutes!
The good thing is that I don't have to be in such a device on a regular basis. Life has become one big compromise after another. If I want to "shop till I drop" I must use wheels. If I want to walk to the post office, I must use a cane. Not really big compromises when one looks at the overall picture. And after all, life is a matter of compromise and those who are best able to do it seem to be happiest, don't you think?
The main thing that has keep me away from all my dear hobbies is the fact that on top of all the usual stuff I have going on in my body - I caught a cold. Any such little nusance for another, becomes a major catastrophe for me. But I am now on the way to recovery (I think) and pressing on.
All this brings me to the title of today's selection: Life's Purpose. For the last several weeks it has been to survive, for the next couple of days it will be to regroup, and for the future it will be to maintain. But that seems so empty somehow. There must be more to life than the day to day maintenance of a life style. One of my doctors, a woman (and a wonderful, wonderful person) kept telling me that one does not worry about life having purpose until one is down, depressed, or in a struggle. I am not sure I agree with her. I look for purpose in the sunrise everymorning. Not just because I managed to wake up, but because I did wake up. It seems that being given just one more day demands some payback on my part. You know, I made it! I am still here and I haven't sunk to far down in the quagmire of self-pity!
I know this is not something that I will discovered quickly. I'm willing to wait and learn. One's purpose must be worthy of, at the very least, careful consideration! If not-why are we here?
May each of our Higher Powers bless us in a very special way this evening and may we, someday, bless back by living to our fullest potential the purpose to which we were created.
Journi
Copyright @ 1997 by Journi
