12:15 p.m
I have been fiddling around with this site all morning. I guess, at this point, I will do almost anything not to start writing again. It is really too bad, but this last week of moving and getting settled has totally thrown me off track. I don't seem to want to do anything, not even those things I dearly love.
I realize this must just be a reaction to the stress of the move, but I am one that likes to "talk myself out of it", if you know what I mean. But this, I am having trouble shaking. I guess this is just all the more reason to never take this long a break again!
I can't believe how quickly we got the place set up. I guess when you have moved as often as Keith and I, you get the art of it down pat. Still, I don't wish to do this again for a very long time.
Our kitchen area is smaller, but we now have a dining room. The living room is larger and it has a den directly off of it where we have the computer and my rocking chair. I have begun "nesting" quite happily and will soon have my little area so surrounded with yarn and materials that it will be difficult entering and exiting the chair. Right now I have a stack of overdue library books sitting on the side table - (I really need to stop doing that!) I don't want to return them because I have not finished with them, but I am so darned tired that by the time I get home at night, to read is to sleep!
Both the den and the bedroom of our little place open with large doors to a patio that runs the length of the unit. We also have access to the patio from the living room through French doors. It is really quite charming. I have all my plants (a jungle) lining the balcony and, once I get some bamboo hanging curtains, it will be a literal treehouse out there!
Keith and I once actually lived in a treehouse. It was on the lake. We lived in this wonderful little home that was built on huge pillars overlooking the lake. 27 steps lead up to our balconey. It was a wonderful place, we docked our boat at a local marina, but sometimes left it at a dock we had built at the end of our property. I think of all the regrets that Keith and I have, it is the loss of the boat. You have never seen two people so driven to remedy a loss. We both figure we will once again be sea-going very soon, at least the dream keeps getting us up and to work every morning!
Oh, well. Back to my place. I tried out the bread machine my sister gave me awhile back. I love it!!!! But there is a great deal of trial and error involved in mastering the technique, I think. My first batch was a bit too dry, the second a bit too wet. I am not sure how one is to really be accurate in the proportions of fluid to meal without actually getting ones hand covered in the stuff, but I will figure it out eventually. In the meantime, Keith is enjoying "naming" my creations - you know: "Mt. Baldy", "Leaning Tower of Pisa", "Lowlands". Gosh he is a mean one when he wants to be!
I have been "surfing" again looking at all the wonderful graphics that are currently out there. It is so difficult not to change something daily on my page! I always like others' stuff so much better than mine! In fact, that is part of the reason it was difficult for me to begin working on this site again. After having been away from it for a week, when I looked again at the pages with a "cool" eye, I was really disgusted. It is just not what I want yet.
I have been playing around with Painshop Pro (a shareware -tryout- version) and I am really having trouble with it. I think I need to break down and go to the computer store and buy a paint program with a manual for dummies! I would really like to do my own graphics, that is part of the problem I have with this site. I know what I want, but I can't find it in the right combinations on the net. And I really need to get cracking on this because some of my pages have just languished since I posted them because of lack of time to update and it seems really silly to be redesigning the site when I haven't even finished it yet!
That is one of my biggest problems, I think. I have trouble sticking to one course of action sometimes. I get distracted and start going in 20 different directions. It just seems sometimes, like there is so much to do and so little time to accomplish it all. Now add to that a good dose of lethargy (like I have suffered from this last week) and you come up with one frustrated woman sometimes. Keith says I cause most of my difficulties myself. I am sure he is right. But then, who else will keep the "pressure" on? I just wish I knew why I seem to need that "pressure" in the first place?
Part of that "pressure" element even translates into my hobby time. I belong to one of the knitting e-mail lists and someone recently asked: "Why do you knit?". It was a question close to my heart - I knit because I feel that if I am not producing or creating something, I am wasting time. I knit because I love to see fiber take form and something become where nothing used to be. I knit - because I can! And I knit because I can't stand to not be doing something!
Another issue that has been hanging over my head as of late has been my health. I can knit, but I can't seem to walk lately. Last week I had x-rays, a bone density exam and a bone scan. And now I am waiting for the results. I hate to wait. I don't understand why the medical community is as callous as they are. I wonder if they even mean to be or if they just take things too much for granted. You see, for me, I wait until I can't stand it any longer before I go to a doctor. Consequently, I am ready to be diagnosed and treated immediately, not "after the tests come back". It is a very difficult time of waiting. And I have already been told that I may need to finally resign myself to walking with a cane. Well, by golly, if that is the case - it will be a darn pretty one!, something unique, with a silver wolf head handle or something. I may even start wearing hats. I love eccentric looking women in flowing cloths and hats. Maybe if I have to start using a cane, I can become a portrait of eccentricity. Hmmm, yeah, this could really work. I might even like this idea!
We pick up the truck this evening. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention? The transmission went out. Funny, I think I know why I have been so distracted lately. This "writing for therapy" exercise today seems to be showing me a little pattern here. In the last 10 days I have moved, had major health issues surface, had the transmission on our vehicle go out and, yes, even Keith has not missed some of the fun - he got Shingles. He was extremely lucky though. He has had almost no pain, just mild discomfort and the rash is quickly subsiding.
I think I need to go rest! I think maybe I really need one! But it really is good to be back! :-)
Copyright @ 1997 by Journi
Journi
