100 Reasons To Be Glad You're A Man
(written by a man of course ;)
1 You never get drunk as fast as the girl you're chatting up.
2 You can tell jokes.
3 You get jokes.
4 You can go topless in Tunisia without getting stoned.
5 You go to bed with women.
6 You can work the video.
7 You're taller. Most of the time.
8 Sensitivity was never in the job description.
9 Cricket seems like a good idea.
10 You're expected to flash your arse in the window when travelling by coach.
11 Fat is a feminist issue.
12 George Best is a role model.
13 A good spot isn't the end of the world.
14 Betting shops don't go quiet when you walk in.
15 You can scratch your privates in public.
16 You don't have to breast feed.
17 You get to operate heavy machinery.
18 Taking the piss is perfectly acceptable.
19 You don't have to remember where you've left things...
20 But your records are in alphabetical order.
21 You know exactly what curtains you want for your new house. They're the ones they've got in the nearest curtain shop.
22 Ever heard the term "Unfit Father"?
23 Your Mum will always love you. In spite of everything.
24 Every newsagent is full of available partners - provided you can reach the top shelf.
25 You can carry an over the shoulder couriers bag on your back without re-arranging your breasts.
26 It really doesn't matter if you can't stand up after midnight.
27 You are far more likely to receive than give oral sex.
28 You have only a limited range of acceptable hairstyles to choose from.
29 And as you get older you get less hair to worry about.
30 You can talk bollocks for hours without anyone picking you up on details.
31 You don't get patronised by coppers.
32 If you wear a suit and tie, nobody will suspect you're a lesbian.
33 You feel perfectly comfortable wearing clothes you wore yesterday and left on the floor all night.
34 Even your best underwear is relatively uncomplicated.
35 As long as your Mum's still alive you get your washing done at her place.
36 Being treated like a sex object isn't such a bad thing.
37 Men rule the world...
38 ...and you live in it.
39 You can whistle loudly in the street.
40 Your friends genuinely understand the offside rule.
41 You have absolutely no compunction about hiring a cleaning lady.
42 Unless you're a cyclist, you never have to wax your legs.
43 You can eat a banana in front of builders.
44 You can pee standing up and wherever you want.
45 You get to organise your best mate's stag night.
46 Sex can be as quick as you like.
47 You don't have to wear make up...
48 ...but you can turn your face into a work of art with clever manipulation of facial hair.
49 Your nails are always dry.
50 You won't grow up to be Anita Roddick.
51 In fact you don't even have to grow up.
52 You can write a racy novel without being called a slapper.
53 You can become a Catholic priest and have unlimited free wine.
54 A zimmerframe looks better on a man.
55 So does a moustache.
56 You get to wear comfy shoes.
57 If you've got a toaster - which you have - you're never more than two minutes away from a tasty and nutritious meal.
58 You don't collapse in floods of tears if your partner says you look fine.
59 Socket sets.
60 You can have a baby without changing your wardrobe.
61 Tights are totally out of the question.
62 You can buy marrows, courgettes and cucumbers without getting embarrassed.
63 You don't get pissed off if your spouse forgets Valentine's Day.
64 You never have to admit to not knowing something.
65 You can avoid bathing, shaving and ironing and merely be called eccentric.
66 You don't have to sleep with the Boss. Unless you want to.
67 You can climb trees without exposing your undergarments.
68 You can throw up in public.
69 Facial wrinkles are called character lines.
70 When you're past 80, your breasts don't interfere with your belt.
71 You can totally avoid salads and it doesn't seem to harm you.
72 You can take the dog for a walk and have a good break.
73 Press ups are easier.
74 You can discuss your flatulence with a certain pride.
75 You can become a binman.
76 Or a professional footballer.
77 Or a soldier and shoot foreigners.
78 You get to eat enormous quantities of strange cheese.
79 Bad hair day? So what.
80 You just sort of know about flags.
81 You can open new bottles of tomato ketchup.
82 Everyone loves a man in uniform.
83 You remain optimistic about sport and sex.
84 You can play football against a load of foreigners on holiday.
85 You understand why Stevie Wonder and Led Zeppelin are important.
86 A 1972 Mercedes isn't just a car.
87 You have no trouble whatsoever putting stuff off until tomorrow.
88 You have no compunction about spending ahuge amount of money on black goods.
89 You don't cry. Unless your team gets promoted or wins something.
90 You don't feel the need to read instructions.
91 A phone call only lasts a minute. Unless it's a particularly long and intricate Indian takeaway order.
92 You're allowed to put things in your pockets.
93 You don't have to throw things away just because they're not new anymore.
94 You're allowed to - in fact you're expected to - swear heavily.
95 You didn't give a toss when Kurt Cobain killed himself.
96 Whenever it's hot, women walk around nearly naked.
97 You can sit about smoking in Arab countries.
98 Chocolate will never rule your life.
99 You're expected to accidentally break things.
100 If nobody fancies you, it's their problem.
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