Summer 1997 started off with a bang!! It was time for family to come and visit... It had been quite a while since I had seen anyone. First up was my cousin George, his wife Lisa and their adorable newborn, Ian. They came for a week, and we had a blast! We were looking forward to our next set of guests, my Aunt Nancy and Uncle George, who would come for July 4th weekend, but things never happen quite as planned.

Mom decided that it would be a good time for us to go to St. Louis and visit family. Apparently, my grandparents had still been expressing great concern about me. Mom and I wanted to reassure them that I was okay. Something a phone call just couldn't do. As we were making plans, we got a call from my Aunt Carol. My grandmother had died. It was a huge blow. We had all been concerned about her health since she had developed congestive heart failure in recent months. Luckily, she died with no pain. She told my grandpa she thought she was going to faint, and next thing, she fell to the floor. Her heart had just stopped. She passed away exactly like her mother had done before her. A blessing I must say. The bad part of it was that not only did we lose a great woman in our family, a strong woman ahead of her time, but I hadn't seen her in over two years. I had just wanted to see her one more time.

The funeral services were nice. It was bittersweet. I got to see my family again--all those people who had supported me and prayed for me all those months, but I had lost one of my role models. She affected so many people and was very much loved. I will miss her greatly.

The next two months moved slowly. My aunt and uncle did come to visit. We had a nice time... They were there just for the weekend and then the rest of the summer crawled by. We were busy talking to my sister about wedding plans, but in late July she and her fiance, Rob, had decided to postpone the wedding. Without a wedding, I was now free to make a decision about what to do about the hip. The pain I was in was becoming unbearable.

Getting cut off from Outpatient Physical Therapy was very frustrating, but not quite as much as dealing with the insurance company in an attempt to appeal their ruling. Once the pain of the arthritis started in May, I decided not to continue to fight with them anymore.

What I was not prepared to deal with was the pain of arthritis. Suddenly I could empathize with my grandpa, my aunt, and a good friend (who developed rheumatoid arthritis at 23) the pain they were going through. I had no idea how bad it could get, especially on a rainy day. By June I was taking a vast amount of Motrin to control the pain, and when I saw the doctor he decided to get prepared for hip surgery. The fear was me falling. If I fell, then I would break the hip. Luckily I didn't fall, but I went in for a CT scan just in case. In July I told the doctor it was time for my surgery. He wasn't surprised. He said my hip looked like that of an 80-year-old woman. Before we could schedule my surgery, we had to try a cortisone medication packet on me. That was the last test of how long I could deal with the pain. It would also show insurance that we went through every option before surgery.

The cortisone helped me for almost 2 weeks. Then I went onto 800 mg of Motrin twice a day. All it did was slightly dull the pain. I called the doc again, and we scheduled the surgery. It would be 3 weeks later, September the 4th. Wouldn't you know it? My sister called about a couple of days later to say that she and Rob would be getting married on September 6. I wasn't going to reschedule the surgery. The pain I was in was too great.

I went into surgery with a lot of enthusiasm. I know that sounds odd, but I knew it would make my life easier. Not only would it take away the pain, but it meant I would be able to start walking without crutches again. Unfortunately, I can never pull off a surgery simply. The doc found infection in my previous incision. While he thought it would be clear, he was also cautious. So, I had an aspiration done to see if there was infection inside the hip, and I was put on anti-biotics to clear up any infection that may have been present. Gladly, no more infection was found and on the 11th my hip was replaced. A week after that I went to Genesis Rehab facility for Inpatient Physical and Occupational Therapy. I progressed quickly, probably due to my previous rehab experience. My discharge date came a week later on September 25.

The only thing I hate about this new hip are the precautions. I'm not allowed to bend beyond 90 degrees (which means I carry a device called a reacher almost everywhere I go, and I have a long shoe horn to put on my shoe). I'm not allowed to turn my feet in or cross my legs. I could deal with these except for the length of time I have to follow them--4 to 6 months. Ughh! I'm also only 30% weight bearing on my right hip. That will only last until October 16 or thereabouts. I'm very grateful that is the case. Once I'm given the okay to place full weight on my hip, I will start Outpatient PT once again. Rah Rah!!

I've cut down on how often I go to therapy. For two reasons. Financial. I cannot afford all the co-pays, although my therapist is now waving my co-pay for group therapy. I am still going to group weekly, as long as transportation isn't a problem. I rely on community transportation for the disABLED, but you have to book your rides 2 weeks in advance. The second reason is that my therapist feels I only need to see her individually on an as-needed-basis. Progress I would say.

As for getting my career started, I have the applications in my possession to fill out. I am really hoping to get started working by January of 1998. I would like it sooner but with more PT to go through, I won't have the time. I'm getting very excited about the prospect of teaching. Once I start teaching I will have some money to restart voice lessons. After I get that ball rolling, I hope to start singing and looking for a band. I call this section "...And into the light" because now, with a new hip, I will be able to move forward and keep going. At least until I need a new hip again. The future looks bright to me, and I am no longer scared by it.

Confessions | Dark II | ...And Into The Light | Random Thougts