Domestic Violence

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? What constitutes domestic violence or partner abuse? Is it only if he hits you? Is it when he calls you names? When he makes you give up your friends and family? When he picks out your clothes, your friends, and controls every minute of your life? When he forces you to have sex when you don't want to? Is it only male on female?
The answers to all these questions (except the last) is all of these things are in one form or another partner abuse. Is it only male on female? No, but it does happen. Should you except this type of behavior? Not in a million years.
The first time I was in an abusive relationship, it started with I don't like your friends, I don't like your clothes. It then soon after became very physical. He would hit me if I opened my mouth to say anything. If I wanted to go out with my girl friends, he would slap me and say that I was a whore for wanting to go out without him. This relationship lasting 6 months.
The next guy was no better. I would do anything that he said. He sold me to his friends for sex. He beat me. He had me doing things that now I would never enough think of, or want to. I gave up all my friends and every one who cared about me. I did bad in school because, he didn't want a girlfriend smarter than he was. I cheated, lied and stole only because he sayed for me to. I was under his complete control because I knew that if I didn't do what he wanted, he would hurt me, emotionally and physically. This relationship lasted on and off for too many years (About 5 years) than I care to remember.
How did I get out you might ask? I'll tell you it was not easy. The one person who helped me the most was my best friend. He no matter what I had done was always there to help we when I was down. He was there after I pushed him away for these other people. He taught me what a healthy relationship was suppose to be like. He never hit me, never yelled at me, gave me my space when I needed it, loved me unconditionally. I really miss him.
Then just when I let my guard down, in walked my ex-husband and last abusive relationship. Of course it didn't start out that way and I was completely fooled by him. It started simply as the dinner was not cooked the way he wanted, the kids were noisy, had a rough day at work. He never hit me or the children, althouhg he was emotionally abusive to me in front of the children. He would come home later and later from work with more and more fustrations that would eventually be taken out on me. He cheated on me at least three different times. Each time I caught him I gave him the option to leave. I told him I would not except being treated like that and each time he told me in the same sad, puppy dog eyes that he loved me and would never do it again.
After the third time, I changed the locks on the door when he went to work. I knew the children did not understand that I was doing this for them as much as for myself. That night he came home and his stuff was outside the door with a note saying I didn't want him there any longer. That was more than 3 years ago and I still take alot of abuse from him but in different forms; stalking, non payment of child support, etc. But now I just don't let it bother me. I know the only one who loses in this situation is him. He lost his children and me. I'm happier now then when we were married.
Some one brought this poem to my attention and I thought of a lot of people I know who have been killed by people who loved them. I thought I would share it with you all.
I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said. Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids?
What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry, Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

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