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Adoption: Not Always What It Used To BeI respect every person who has made the choice to give up their child. I myself did not make that choice. It is not easy. A child is irrevocably a part of their parents and the void an absent child creates is something that is never filled. But I think that we all need to remember that a child is a gift for a short time to anyone - birthparent or adoptive parent. When you give up a child for adoption, you give up your right to raise that child, to see those first steps, hear those first words, to teach and guide and help that tiny person grow into an independent adult. But - you don't necessarily have to give up your right to see the child, receive updates on how he or she is doing, get pictures, to know where they are. If you are considering adoption, find out your legal rights. Don't let anyone talk you into anything less than what you feel is best and get it in writing. Talk to a lawyer you can trust and find out what your rights as a birthparent really are. Adoption is not always what it used to be and now there is an option called open adoption where a birthmother is allowed varying degrees of involvement. Generally from what I understand it's usually pictures and updates and the knowledge of where your child is and who their parents are but depending on the situation, it can even mean a relationship. If you are considering adoption, this may be something worth looking into. Check out the links to the right of the page. I can't verify the authenticity of all of them, but they all seem to provide accurate information. Personal Stories has links to homepages were birthparents share their experiences. Sometimes they regret the things that they did and how they handled things such as Birthmom to James and sometimes they were taken advantage of by a corrupt system like Brooke's mom. But sometimes things have turned out well in the end. The extent of my personal involvement is pretty limited in this area. I've had many friends who were adopted and a good friend gave her daughter up for adoption a few years back. Because of her experience which was both positive and negative, I stress being involved and understanding your rights and options. Hopefully the links will get you started in finding out what you need to know. Adoption is a valid option and has been a very, very good choice for some people but it isn't the only way and you don't need to feel guilty if it's the right thing for you. It doesn't make you less of a person or less of a mother, however, if you do choose adoption. There are lot of different circumstances where you may want to choose to give birth but know that you can not raise the child and in choosing adoption you are giving the child a chance to make his or her own choices and you are giving another couple a chance to be a mommy and daddy. But it's not all rainbows as I'm sure you can imagine. So know your options and don't let anyone force you into this. Protect yourself every step of the way, talk with people who have been adopted, and be involved in the whole process. That way, you have the best chance of creating a positive adoption experience. |