Teen Pregnancy

The options of a pregnant teen:

The point is to consider the choice you're really making and what impact it is likely to have on your life and on the life of the child you're carrying. The variables are your situation and what you need. Everyone needs love and hope and way to better themselves. Look for the right way for you. And feel free to email me. If you need to talk to someone now or aren't sure you're even pregnant, you might want to go here.

1. Grow Up Now, Girl
You can take a pass or fail crash course in growing up called "Having A Baby 101" and raise your child if you have the support, resources, and the will to do that. In so doing, you will discover strength you never knew you had, frustration you never knew was possible, and love that transcends it all. You will need to start preparing for the changes this will bring to your life and gather the resources you'll need to make it financially and emotionally. Reach out to everyone until you have the help you need and people who will encourage you when you don't think you can make it. You can make it. Take it one day at a time. I hate to tell you this, but you're going to make mistakes. That's okay. Age doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful momma. Here are resources to help you and recommended reading to get you up to speed on pregnancy.

2. Stay A Baby With A Baby
You can ignore the crash course all together but still keep your child, insisting on being a teen and a parent but skirting all responsibility for your child and while doing so manage to develop deep resentment for the way your child has stolen your life from you. I'm serious, I see this, and it's very sad. I know it's hard as hell but you have to really consider what having a baby will mean. This option is very bad as it results in abuse and neglect over time or is basically an unofficial adoption where the child is raised by their grandparents or other family member. Don't do this. If you keep the child, keep the child with the knowledge that you are the child's parent and be willing to make sacrifices in your lifestyle and change your priorities so that Baby is top on the list. You can still have a life, but understand that said life will largely revolve around Baby. If you're unable or unwilling to change in this fashion, you need to consider another path. Look, its okay. You don't have to be ready to have a baby right now. That doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to want a baby right now. The problem, I know, is that maybe you do want the baby but somehow you just don't know how to make things come together. You have to be honest with yourself. Can you stay home on Saturday nights to breastfeed? If you drink, can you quit? If you do drugs, can you quit? If you can't, are you willing to learn how to?

3. Cut The Baby Out Of The Equation
You can choose to have an abortion thereby ending the pregnancy all together. This allows you to continue your lifestyle almost uninterrupted. People choose this because they can not raise a child or see a way through the pregnancy, or less often because of rape. Unfortunately, statistics show that most teens who get pregnant turn around and get pregnant again within two years. So even if you choose abortion, you need to take a hard look at your life. Do you want to be in this position again? Believe it or not, you probably will be. What will you do then? Sadly, when it comes to sex there's no way to have it and not have the consequences and natural outcomes that go with it. And, perhaps what's even sadder, is that someone has to pay that price and at least one of those someones is going to be you every time.

Now I can't recommend this option because of the pain and devastation I've seen it cause and because at the very least it terminates a potential life (and I think a very obvious and verifiable distinct person). While there are some women who feel great relief after this choice, it is life-impacting and carries it's own very real risks and consequences just like anything else. Learn about those, find out what the procedures are, and don't let yourself be misinformed about fetal development. It's hard because there's a lot of misinformation and it's been my experience that some people on either side of the abortion debate are not above just plain scare tactics, so don't look at just one side or you'll cheat yourself. If someone says abortion is risk and pain free, they probably don't know what they're talking about. Equal to that, if someone says abortion is a number one killer of women, they don't know what they're talking about, either. Do a search on fetal development. www.Google.com is excellent for all your research needs. Talk to people. Read other people's stories. Look inside yourself. I know it's hard but you will get through this.

I am strongly pro-information because you'd hate to have an abortion and then down the road have a baby at a happier time and see the ultrasound or pictures and have the reality of the child you chose not to carry hit you like a ton of bricks. I've seen the effect of that personally (thus my refusal to recommend this option) and you don't want it to be you in those shoes. That may never be you, but you need to find that out now. The more you know now, the better prepared you will be to make a choice you won't regret later on when it's too late.

Safe-Haven is a place for women dealing with the aftermath of abortion, looking for healing without judgment, and their baby memorial is very telling. I don't have any unbiased resources for you as it's a very complicated and difficult issue and most people fall on one side or the other and those who don't are too apathetic to run a website. ; ) However many of the women who post at Safe-Haven say they do not regret their choice so it may give you a good idea of the range of emotions you may go through. Don't go through this alone. If you're a dad who is looking for info or peace about abortion, Safe-Haven is a good visit, too.

Just don't choose abortion because you don't know what else to do. If you want to have the baby and don't know where to turn, email me and I'll do everything I can to get you in touch with people who will help you in your area. If you have an abortion and need to talk, email me. If you want to tell me I'm wrong, you can email me too. I'm not here to judge you, I know it's hard. I've come to the conclusions I've come to based on the evidence and my experience and my only interest is in helping pregnant teens and helping prevent heartache however I can. Choosing the best answer when there's no ideal is one of the most difficult places a person could ever be placed in and finding forgiveness can be daunting. It's a personal journey but sometimes we find friends along the way in unexpected places. More on abortion from my site.

4. Give The Baby Life But With A Different Mommy
You may find yourself with an abundance of love, but inside you know that right now you can't raise a child. You may find that despite the hardship and heartache of sticking out the pregnancy, you would still rather give the child the chance at life and if so then adoption may be a really good option for you and the baby. It's also gut-wrenching. This is bold, honest, and to be respected. You are not less of a person because you can not raise a child right now. Know your rights, talk to more than one attorney (most will give free consultations) talk to more than one adoption agency, and don't be afraid to reach out to other birthmothers. There are different type of adoption and different levels of involvement you can have. Some women actually have regular visits with their children, some never seen them again, and there is every shade in-between. If someone within your family wants to adopt, I'd recommend family counseling so that you and the adoptive parents can form a good relationship and be able to handle the situation positively. More on adoption from my site.

What happens to these children of teen choices?

It all depends. Statistics paint an often grim picture but they don't tell the whole story. I've known people from great homes who made me wonder if people really could be a waste of space. I've known people from dysfunctional and abusive homes who helped me to see how beautiful life can be. I'm sure you've met the kind of people I'm talking about, too. 3 out of the 4 options gives someone a life and a chance and a hope. All four options carry their share of heartache. No matter where you're at you can email me if you need to talk. I don't have all the answers but I will help where I can and I can always listen.

It's just not easy and no choice should be looked down on because we all do the best we can. It is hard to see the end of the road when you're at the beginning. Experience is like the difference between having regular headlights in the dark or having your brights on. It lets you see a little more and a little farther. But it doesn't make your car any smarter. As a teen, you may not feel equipped to make these decisions, but you are. Listen to what your parents and others have to say and consider their advice but always balance it against what your heart of hearts is telling you. Don't cut people with more experience out of your decision making process and don't cut yourself out. You don't know what you're capable of until you're challenged. Now you can find out. Do your best, have no regrets, believe in yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone feels lost sometimes. Find hope and cling to it because the truth is that you will make it through this.

If you know a teen mom, give her the support she needs and the compassion she needs to help her make the best choice she can for herself and her child. And don't forget that although they often get cut out of the decision making process, teen dads need support and encouragement, too.

Teen Pregnancy Information Center

The options of a pregnant teen:

What happens to these children of teen choices?