Little by little one walks far.
Peruvian

Weeks before that day I thought it was silly to dread the day. However, I had an overwhelming fear of April 16th, as if something horrible would happen again. I knew in my heart that I was safe, but this is hard to realize when I also felt safe the same day I was unfortunate to experience what I did.

I had no idea what to do on this day or how to keep busy without being afraid to live through the day. What I did not know was that my best friend had already visited my web page. Her goal of the day was to provide me with new, happy memories. She gave me a wonderful gift, and letter, but most important I had her friendship. I will never forget her willingness to make that day easier on me, I needed this!

April 17, 1999 actually was harder than the actual 2 year date. I decided to think of positive things in my life, however, this was too difficult because I still do not feel good about myself and can not see very many positive things in my life.

After I started to write this, I chatted with my good friend Karen online. She helped me realize how far I have come in accepting what I have experienced. I do not deny that I still have a long way to go, however, there is now some hope. I do see some positive things in my life.

It is now Nov. 1999 and I continue to try and stay positive and work on the difficult things in life. I can actually smile, laugh and have some fun. I bought a horse at the end of the summer and he provides me with an escape when needed. I have met a wonderful friend from online who means the world to me. She always knows how to make me smile and is there for me when I need her. I have learned that thinking positive and getting out and doing things is very important.

It is now Sept. 2000. A long time has passed since I have worked on this webpage. My life has changed tremendously. Even though a year ago I had learned how to put a real smile on my face at times, mostly it was still a cover. This past summer I went on a search to find out if God was in my life. I wanted to know who He really was and whether He loves me? Up until this summer I always wondered whether I could look at my life and know I was going in the right direction. Now I know I am. Getting to know God has really provided me with the comfort I never thought I would know. I never thought I deserved to ever have the feeling of safety and being loved unconditionally. I look back over the few years since I began this webpage and I truly see the title reflecting my life. I am healing slowly. I am working so hard right now to come to terms with my past and to keep going in the right direction.