April 16th 1999, two years after I experienced something horrible, a beautiful baby girl was brought into this world. She has had a rough struggle so far, but she is a fighter. Please pray for Hope and keep her and her family in your thoughts. Click on Hope's Rose to read more about her.

I was supposed to be working night shift at my part time job. I left at my normal time for the shift and arrived on time. After a length of time I, along with the other girl realized that the truck we were supposed to unload was not arriving. We came to the conclusion that our manager scheduled us the wrong day. The girl, who I will call Sarah, invited me to go to a party that her friends were having that night. It was a university party celebrating the end of the term. I thought I would go to the party for just a short time and then go home.

Sarah and I went to the party and she introduced me to a bunch of the people there since I did not know anyone. I began to talk to one girl who introduced me to a guy who I will call Greg. I must have spoken with Greg off and on for about 20 minutes. I thought he was a really nice guy.

This is where the story might get confusing because I do not understand it myself. I remember laying on a bed. But, I have no idea how I got from the living room sofa to a bedroom. I do not know how long I have been there for and how some of my clothing had been removed. I have been asked several times, were you drinking? No. I wasn't drinking.

I was on the bed and I realized what was going on. Greg was on top of me. I felt like I had woken up in a really bad dream. But I couldn't do anything to save myself. I remember beginning to cry and almost begging him to stop. It seemed like an eternity but he finally stopped.

I felt so completely ill. But within a few minutes, I got myself looking half decent and left very quickly. On my way out he did say something which I do not feel I can deal with writing now at this time.

I got home and curled up in my bed. The next month was horrible. I did not feel like doing anything. I dropped 15 pounds within 2 weeks and was very weak. People assumed the weight loss was because of my wisdom teeth surgery I had about a week later. I didn't know what to do or how to go on. I told no one.

After awhile I gained my weight back and lived as if nothing had happened. For about 9 months I didn't even think about it. But the thoughts, and the feelings of the gross dirty act he forced upon me came back. It has been back ever since. To this day, I have only told 4 people I know, 1 was by a big mistake I made, and also 2 support groups on the web.

Right now I am trying to heal and survive. I find the support on the web amazing. I hope I can help others on my healing journey.

I have made some progress in my life since I originally wrote this and have written it out. I feel like it is A New Start