Bret and I began to talk about adoption. I have a nephew who is adopted and I cannot imagine my family without him. He is as dear to me as any of my other nieces and nephews. And I knew my family would welcome any child with open arms. We discovered that Bret's family did not feel the same way. It was a tremendous shock, but we felt that it would not make a difference in OUR feelings for any child we might be fortunate enough to adopt.

We contacted an agency and began a very long and painful process. We filled out unbelievable amounts of paper work and had to hire an agency to do a home study on us, which they did thoroughly. We had to travel 4 hours one way to attend meetings with the agency, but we were willing to do whatever it took, to welcome a child into our family. We were approved and then we were told that we needed to just wait. And wait we did...it seemed like an endless wait.

As time went on, Bret became more involved with his work and with other outside activities, that I only found out about later. He was gone from home more and more and I began to worry about the way we seemed to be drifting apart.

I began to take classes at the university at night. I started with very basic math classes because I had not been in school for what seemed like a life time. It gave me a purpose and started to make me feel good about myself again. Bret was not happy about it and said it interfered with me doing what I needed to be doing at home. He was not supportive of me going to school and I found it difficult to deal with the constant fighting about it, but I wouldn't give it up.

We withdrew from each other more and more and it finally became abundantly clear that something was not right in our relationship. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Sometimes you cannot see what is right under your nose. All the stress of the infertility had not brought us closer together, it had pushed us apart...and we began to live more separate lives. We began to argue about almost everything and I began to dread his coming home at night.

I began to find things that disturbed me. I would find hidden copies of swing magazines and in one of them I found a letter from a woman responding to one he had sent her. She lived in a city 50 miles away and was asking if he would like to meet her and videotape any activities that might occur. I was shocked and hurt. When I asked him about it, he claimed it was only curiosity. He said he had never intended to do anything about it. He was my husband, I wanted to believe him. So things went on....

I was working full time at the university and taking one class at night each semester. But it was summer and I wasn't taking a class at that time. Turns out it was just as well. We celebrated our anniversary on August 2nd and Bret was very loving and romantic with me...it seemed that maybe we were going to find a way back to each other. I was beginning to feel better about our relationship.

There was a very nice young woman who was working for me part time at the university while she went to school, and during the summer, I had gotten her a job with Bret's company, too. Students began to come back to school about the 20th of August and we were gearing up for a new semester. I was going to start another night class. One day, this young woman came to work very agitated. She seemed to be a bit hurt also. She asked me why I had not told her that Bret had a new job and we were moving away? I was stunned. At first I thought that she was kidding me. Turns out she wasn't. Bret had turned in his resignation and informed them at his job that he had another job out of state and would be leaving the following month.

I went to my employer, who was also a friend, and explained what I had just found out. He let me leave to go and speak with my husband. I went to him at work and asked him if it was true. He said that it was. That he had met someone and was moving away to Washington. He wanted a divorce. I was more shocked and hurt than I had ever been. He came home that night, packed a bag and left for his parents house.

Within a month he had left the state...leaving me to separate all of our belongings, to put the house up for sale, and to file for a divorce. For a long time I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat. I lost a tremendous amount of weight and withdrew from my class at the university. I began to re-evaluate my life and where I was going. It was a terrible time for me, but my family and friends were very supportive and loving. They helped me make it through. There was always someone willing to listen, to care...and just to give a hug when I needed it the most.

By November 2nd, my divorce was final and I was truly alone again.....and any hopes that I had for adopting, were now gone.

For links and information on adoption please see my Infertility/Adoption page. I hope to be adding more helpful information soon.

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