monday, march 20

there is this sense that if i get rich enough, if i have therapy enough, if i practise clenching my hands hard enough, if i remove myself from hurtful people far enough, if i learn to love and assert myself enough, if i get a big door and lock enough, then i'm safe and i always will be. and it doesn't work that way. you can never prepare for anything. it's a nice thought, but it does. not. work. that. way.

i know it's not something good to hear. i know it would be so much better if it weren't true. it is. i'm sorry to say it, but it is. there is no safe. and that's what i'm learning now. i can't learn how to one day be safe. i can learn how to be safe-R. and that means a world of difference. it's okay to buy a blanket and it's okay to pull it over your head and toes, but you cannot for one second believe that it will protect you from a knife.