e-mail sent: " hi. i just failed a test. i mean bombed. heh. no - it wasn't a test to study for - it was one part of that test i told you about last semester, the comprehensive exam we have to take. well, the literature part is next week and yes, i'm studying (though now i'm unsure there's a point), but today was the composition part - first, we got a one-page essay to look through for grammar/spelling etc etc mistakes, and then we got a list of about 8-10 topics to choose from to write an essay out of. i froze. no, that's not quite right, because i made many attempts, but basically - i couldn't write it. i wish i had the excuse that the topics were too hard and that i didn't understand them, but i can't. i spent 2,5 hrs unable to write a simple 5 paragraph essay on topics like "the perfect mate" and "my best/worst boss" - the topic i 'chose' was "the benefits of pet ownership" - i had to tell why pets are cool, i had 2,5 hours to do it and a whole life of pet owning, and i couldn't write it. i feel absolutely humiliated. i produced about 16 papers with one or two lines at top trying to start the essay that were then discarded becauyse i hated the wording or formatted it badly, and one page composed by a horrible introductory paragraph and 6 lines of a second paragraph. i was forced to turn all of it in too - no saving grace with throwing it all away and handing in nothing. heh. i don't quite know what to say. i feel pretty stupid and small at the moment, heh, and nobody's around in school (it's 6.50 pm so none of my teacher/friends are around) and blah. ah well. it'll work out. i just can't believe i couldn't write a simple damn essay. so much for thinking i could ever write. hell, this e-mail is more of an essay than the single page i handed in. i'm blaming the pollen for my red eyes - thank ghod for allergy season, even if only to pretend that that's why i'm sniffling. i'll talk to you later perhaps - i need to calm down, blow my nose and get on with it. bye."