so i had some kind of attack last night. i'm not sure what it would categorize as, but i guess anxiety comes close to it. i don't really know what brought that on. all i know is, the second my bus reached franklin street and where i always get off, my skull suddenly seemed too small for my brain.
the plan was for me to get off the bus, walk over to the cheap cantina place and buy a veggy burrito, sit on a secluded bench behind the building and eat it, and then walk across the unc campus to the student union where aziza and gene would meet up with me so we could go see american beauty for free later on.
well i did get off the bus. and i did manage to cross the street, but. when i began to enter the little indoors alley to reach the cantina at the end of it all the muscles in my back went rockhard, and all i could manage was short, shallow breaths. i forced myself to keep walking, but then caught a glimpse of the cantina through its' window.
it was filled with people. i'm talking people at every table. i stopped and tried to collect myself, but seeing them just freaked the hell out of me so i decided that hey, who needs food. so i turned around and walked back out onto the street and into the real alley by the building to unc's campus.
and i don't know. i guess i never realised how long that walk is, or how many students will walk and sit around in the early evening. i'm just not outdoors much. all i know is that by the time i finally reached the student union my shoulders were so tensely pulled up they touched the tip of my ears and -hurt- and my feet were wet because i ended up walking right on the outer edge of every walkpath in the dewy grass.
i must have looked like quite the psycho, mumbling visably and wrinkling my forehead and my shoulders up by my ears.
(when my brain goes dramaqueen on me like this i often end up counting my steps out loud as i walk to try and stop thinking about the people everywhere. it seems to be the one thing i can do to keep my boat floating. i got to 603.)