wednesday, november 17

for some strange reason, i've been in some kind of a religious spell lately. i don't talk about religion a lot in here because - duh - i'm not religious (at all). still. i'm in a weird mood. it's been so many things, like the sudden urge to visit a church (i haven't even peeked into a random church in close to 4 years), or spouting out theories about the virgin mary and mary the magdalene being fragments of the same woman in a poetry paper, loving dogma, and having a 2,5 hour long discussion with gene last night about christianity and things. and i can't figure out where it's coming from. i'm not religious. i don't believe in a god, i don't believe in a goddess, i don't believe in anything specific that is to have created us, and earth, not even an invisible pink unicorn. i don't label myself an athetist, agnostic, whatever whatever, i simply.. don't believe. and i feel fine with that. comfortable. i also feel just as fine that there are people who do believe, and who are comfortable with that. it's sort of the same aspect of me that has no problem sitting next to a friend eating a big steak, despite me being a vegetarian. it's who they are, and this is who i am. simple. separate. comfortable. yet i'm suddenly utterly fascinated with religion. i'm fascinated with the believers. i'm fascinated with faith, and the leap of it. i'm fascinated with paradise, punishments and prophets. i'm fascinated with the stories. i'm fascinated with trying to understand these things that are foreign to me (and religion is about as foreign as it gets for me). and so i find myself with people who do believe, in various ways. and it draws me in. i want to figure out how we differ, how they can believe in something so big, and why i can't, and i pry, and i ask, and i learn. it fascinates me. it boggles my mind. it amuses me. it makes me envious, sometimes. and sometimes, it just plain pisses me off. :) i guess in the end, all i can say is what i almost always say when talking about religions and my (non)beliefs: jennie's snippy god rant: "i don't believe in a god, but if after i die it turns out that there IS one after all, and that i get sent to hell to suffer for my sins, then i'll stand by my decision to not have believed, because a god like that wouldn't have deserved my faith and respect anyways." basically, if there is a god, then i would expect it to be a forgiving entity, and not one of hate or vengeance. and that's all. (however, i'm so, so infatuated with the idea of a god like the one portrayed by alanis m. in dogma. perhaps i'll start a cult, and we'll all wear $40,000 christian lacroix outfits and $1.99 orange flip flops? beep.) and there you have it. i have spoketh. and now i must leaveth to catch the re-run of the daily show from last night with tori amos in it, because we all know that i need more tori on tape. i suppose that's as close as i'll ever be to actually practising a kind of religion. ah well. peas. [below is a new feature: yes, it is god itself using my journal to speak to you! i have a feeling she'll be featured quite frequently in the weeks to come, to speak to you all. tune in some other time, and i might let an angel touch you, as well. now. peas for real. :]

GOD says: "eat jelly donuts. do NOT limit yourself - get 3-4 at a time, each a different variety: jelly-donut dipped in powder sugar, jelly-donut dipped in chocolate, etc etc. above all -seek out and devour a jelly-donut dipped in sugar and cinnamon! also, go see me in dogma. i would come with you, but i need to see dawson's creek and roswell where cute boy will kiss weird girl. no shush, you can tape it. go."

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