Timothy Dunnigan, Ph.D.
Praise is the single most effective way to motivate children.
Praising is a social reward. Unlike candy, tokens or money, social rewards are always available and help build strong positive relationships between parent and child.
Social rewards, as opposed to material rewards, are those
actions which someone takes which create positive feelings in another.
For example, hugging someone when he or she has done something
appreciated is a social reward.
Merely saying "Thank you" is a social reward.
Some children may at first only respond to material rewards. But once a behavior has been established with a material reward, it should be maintained first by a combination of material and social rewards, then by social rewards alone. This inhibits the development of a situation where a child behaves well only to obtain some material reward and is rude and self-centered when no reward is forthcoming.
Material rewards are tangible rewards.
For example, a paycheck is a material reward, tokens
which can be redeemed for toys are material rewards, and
food is a material reward.
Praising can and should be practiced with children who are behaving well. Praise motivates and raises the praised person's self-esteem. It is important to reward children by praising when they are behaving in a desirable way. For instance, when a child has worked on homework for one-half hour without stopping or when two children solve an argument in an effective manner.
Principles of Effective Praising
Look your child in the eye.
Move close to your child.
Smile.
Praise your child for specific behavior you appreciate rather than commenting on your child's character.
Say, "I really am proud of your hard work at school the last two months!"
Don't say, "You're such a good girl!"
Speak with feeling, be direct and specific.
Touch your child affectionately.
Reward your child immediately. Praise should occur during or soon after the behavior you appreciate.
Effective Praising Example:
Brian was a twelve-year-old boy whose grades had begun to drop the previous year. He was still interested in his friends and maintained a positive attitude toward himself. Brian's teacher reported to his single-parent mother that his homework was often incomplete and sloppy and that he seemed unprepared to answer questions in class. His mother had noticed Brian's attitude toward school had changed over the past few years. He once showed much interest in his lessons and they often talked about the subjects he was studying. Now he rarely spoke of his studies. Brian's mother also observed that when she asked him about his homework, he would usually say that it was finished or that he had none.
Brian's mother decided to use praise to build Brian's motivation and interest in studies. She would express her active interest in his schoolwork. She decided to praise what Brian accomplished rather than criticize what was unfinished or poorly finished. In particular, she would praise any reading, those parts of his assignments which were neatly done, and any independent studying. She then sat with Brian and told him that she was concerned about his dropping grades and wished to help him.
In order to praise classroom work, she asked Brian's teacher to send home notes whenever he contributed in the classroom. Brian's mother asked Brian to make a daily list of his homework assignments and to complete as many of his assignments as he could before she came home from work in the evening.
After dinner each day, Brian and his mother cleared the table and reviewed his homework. At first, Brian's mother was shocked to see how little Brian cared about his homework and how sloppy his work was. Her first reaction was a feeling of anger. She wanted to scold Brian for his lack of interest. She felt like lecturing him about the necessity of a good education and how work habits learned at his age would affect his work in the future. She thought, "How will he ever succeed in college?" and considered telling him about his future lack of earnings with only a high school education. Fortunately, Brian's mother stayed with her plan. She praised Brian for whatever he accomplished, even if all he completed was his homework list.
Each day, she offered help solving math problems or generating ideas for essays and book reports. She took Brian to a newsstand and let him choose a magazine to become a subscriber. While she preferred "Time," she agreed to his choice of "Skateboard Review." After a week, Brian's teacher sent home a note that Brian had proposed building a model of the Alamo for a history fair. Brian's mother told him what a neat idea this was and offered to help him buy supplies. She asked him questions about the materials and plans he intended to use and tried to praise his ideas. She made a point of offering only a few suggestions of her own and not showing disappointment if he was not interested in her ideas.
Three months later, at the school year's end conference, Brian's teacher told his mother of the improvements she had observed. Brian's work was significantly better. He completed much more homework, although still not all, his work was neater, and he was much more involved in classroom activities. He often volunteered answers in class and seemed pleased when recognized for contributing. His teacher then listed some goals for the next year. Next, the teacher, Brian and Brian's mother had a conference in which they discussed whether these goals seemed reasonable to Brian and if so, how to work toward them. Brian's mother then changed her plan and began to praise behaviors which would help Brian achieve the new goals.
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