Ask
PapaI'm an 18 year-old guy on the horns of a dilemma.
I have known X, my closest friend, for about a year. I actually became friends with him because I was really attracted to him. A while ago, he told me he was bi - but mostly straight, like he does find guys attractive (as well as girls) but doesn't know if he would/could be intimate with a guy.
However, I think he is attracted to me. The way he acts around me. It's like whenever we're together doing something, he is almost flirting. Not actual flirting, but just body language and nuances of speech. I really like him, and feel closer to him than anyone else on the entire planet. Our minds work the same way, and I love being with him, and I think I want to lose my virginity to him.
The problem is, should I admit how I feel about him, when he is (I think) still not 100% sure about his own sexuality. Should I risk our great friendship for this? I'm not sure if he would admit these feelings even if I did first. Or should I just let things progress naturally?
Any HELP! would be incredibly appreciated.
Thanks and ciao!
Hey!
Admitting to your friend how you feel doesn't necessarily mean that you will lose your friendship with him. I think it all depends on how you tell him.
By the sound of it, your friend may not be totally comfortable with his orientation yet, whatever it may be. He may not be able to admit to you whatever his feelings are, because he may be having a hard time admitting them to himself.
If you can hold off, I would suggest letting the situation progress naturally. However, you will need to keep your feelings in check and under control to avoid getting hurt if it doesn't work out the way you want it to.
If you decide to tell him how you feel, I think you need to give him an "out." You may want to say something like, "I really enjoy and respect our friendship, and that's why I feel I should tell you that I have more than friendship type feelings for you. If you feel the same way towards me, great! If not, I understand and would like to continue our friendship as is."
If you say something to that effect, you are putting the ball in his court in a non-threatening sort of way. By letting him know before he answers you that it's OK if he doesn't feel the same way towards you and that you will understand that, he will be able to answer more honestly.
Hope it works out for ya!
Papa
Dear Papa,
As usual, something rather terrible happened to me on Friday the 13th in December. A friend, E, & I, went to watch an opera, & I decided to ask another friend, J, along. Now let me explain the nature of my relationship with J & E respectively. I've known J since we were 13 (we're both 21 now), but have only recently found out that we're both gay. We have kept in touch since then via e-mail & telephone, & never really got to meet up in the last year or so, which is why I took the opportunity to do so on that Friday, & let him meet E. We (or rather, they), got on quite well, & after the opera, it came to a point where I, as the sort of common link between E & J, had to decide whether we should spend the night at J's flat, instead of E & I having to catch the last train back to our own flats outside the city. anyway, I said yes, & to cut a long story short, we all went to sleep that night in different beds, & I woke up finding E in J's bed.
The point is, I've told J that I fancied E, but that E never did anything to reciprocate. & apparently E seems to be quite oblivious to my (often very obvious) signals, since he told me after the incident that nothing had changed between us, since we had always been "friends" anyway. For one thing, I feel terribly inferior compared to J, because he's rich & smart etc. (though I don't think he's even good-looking), and managed to "charm" E in one night, while I've tried desperately in vain for three months.
So what should I do with J & E? Forget both, or one of them, or pretend nothing has happened at all? I know they seem both quite happy together, but I secretly hope that they break up & everything returns to normal...
Thanx for your attention.
Hi There!
These little triangles can be quite tricky! Why does it sometimes seem that the person you really like, winds up liking someone else? Don't ya just hate that???
One thing that I've learned (sometimes, the hard way) is that no matter how much you try to woo someone over, if it's not meant to be, it's just not meant to be.
In your opinion, J is not all that good-looking. Yet, E seems to think so. What does that tell you? It SHOULD tell you that beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, and not just physical beauty, mind you. I'm sure you have a great deal to offer to someone, but that someone needs to be someone who feels the same way toward you. There has to be some kind of chemistry between two people for a relationship to take place. (Wish I knew the formula to that chemistry!) Something has got to "click" for both parties involved.
So... what should you do about the situation? I think you need to try and get past your feelings for E and find that special someone who will have that chemistry with. Don't pretend that nothing has happened. Something HAS happened. You need to acknowledge that for yourself and deal with it in a healthy manner. Try and understand that E's decision is not a reflection as to your worth compared to J's worth. More likely than not, it's just one of those "chemistry" things.
If you can, I would suggest that you try and keep both friends, as good friend's are one of life's presents meant to be enjoyed and preserved.
Love ya!
Papa
Dear Papa,
JJust wondering if you might be able to give me a bit of advice. I just ended a two and a half year relationship with what I thought was to be the man of my dreams. I ended it because I found out that he was cheating on me, with numerous people... I can deal with the fact that it's over, but I trusted him with everything, and now there's nothing to show for it. How does one get that trust happening again and when can I be sure that I'm not being lied to again. I've never been uncomfortable being gay, but I'm wondering if there are actually guys out there who know how to keep their zippers done up to make the bigotry and mindless hatred worth it all. I know this is pretty much a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation, but I was hoping that you might have a but of golden wisdom for this little puppy. Thanks a lot, it'll be much appreciated.
PS - Read your other letters, and just wanted to say thanks for caring, and keep up the good work.
Greg
Oh Greg...
I truly empathize with how you must feel. Trust is something that should be treated with the utmost reverence. Once trust is broken, some people have a hard time regaining the ability to trust again.
As far as being gay having a correlation to one's ability to be monogamous, you'd have to compare it to heterosexual relationships which also suffer from such deceits. It's not just a "gay thing." It's not even just a "guy thing."
When can you be sure that you're not being lied to again? You really can't, can you? The only thing you can do is to try and REALLY get to know someone before you give ALL your trust over.
How does one get that trust happening again? You kinda just have to. You need to understand that this was just one person. Remind yourself that for every one bad apple, there are a whole bunch of trees with good apples just waiting to be picked!
So, honey... Go harvesting and make some apple pie!
Papa
Dear Papa,
This may sound strange to you but here goes nothing. I am a single, Caucasian, male who wants to make friends within the Gay community. The problem is simple, I'm straight. I live in a town where the rednecks dominate and force most to stay in the closet. Also, my chosen profession, a police officer, hinders all attempts. I wonder why? Just kidding, I know why. Can you help out?
Hiya Mr. Officer Man!
Congratulations to you on wanting to make friends regardless of what their sexual orientation is! Bravo! Bellissimo! Faboo!
I never use the word "Faboo" but in this case, I think it warrants it!
Hahahaha... Get it? Cop? "Warrants" it?
OH! NEVER MIND!!! = )
If you really want to do this, you need to be very comfortable in your own sexual orientation first. If you are, than you need to overcome some of the homophobia that surrounds you. The whole "guilt by association" thing that some heterosexual people exercise is not so prevalent anymore.
You may want to point out to anyone with a problem with you being friends with gay people that you are also friends with People of Color and you are Caucasian and haven't changed shades yet!
I happen to be friends with a gay cop who is out of the closet to the whole police department and anyone who cares to know. No one really gives him a problem with it. After all, he does have a gun! KIDDING!
Seriously, though... I think you would set a WONDERFUL example of acceptance if you follow through with your desire to have gay friends!
Good luck to ya!
Papa
Dear Papa...
You know, I just don't get it. I have been trying to meet people via AOL, postings, and e-mail, and it just doesn't work. Are the people on AOL for real ?? I meet people from afar, and they keep in touch, and it's all real fine, but when I finally meet someone locally, they are hesitant to meet, suddenly change their screen name or are just plain afraid to talk and continue a "relationship".
Obviously, I should be in the club and bar scene if I want to meet someone. I don't believe in that kind of 'swinging' around, and simply cannot be a part of it due to my career. Basically I want to meet someone a little younger than myself, but where is it possible? Friends say AOL is the place, being that AOL is very gay friendly, but it seems AOL is just a playground, and nothing serious happens there.
Is there anywhere that discreetly attracts people wanting a relationship??? Thanks for any advice...
Frustrated
Hi Frustrated!
First of all, you may wanna switch to decaf for that frustration thang! = )
AOL... funny thing that has happened to our culture, huh? You're right about it being gay friendly, though. It should be named GAY-OL!
One of the things about online services such as AOL is that it has become one if the first places a closeted person (young and old) begins to explore their homosexuality. The anonymity of the medium provides a sense of exploring safely.
What you will find is a lot of people who are just not ready to make that first step to meet someone gay face to face. It can be a very scary thing for them if they are just starting to explore their same gender feelings.
What you will also find are people who are not looking for Mr. Right but rather, Mr. RightNow!
Should you be in the club and bar scene if you want to meet someone? Not necessarily. There are other places to meet other gay people. A lot of cities and suburbs have gay and lesbian community centers which provide various groups and activities where you can meet Mr/Ms Wonderful! Look them up in the Yellow Pages.
Try and give that a shot and let me know if you have any luck!
Papa
Papa,
It's surprising how many mental problems being a Gay can cause. In my opinion Gays are practically Girls in a man's body. They think like Girls, behave like girls, dress like girls and so on.
Unfortunately, many people think that Gays are perverts, that sex is the only thing they want to do. Even I thought that these type of persons were totally against nature but now I have much more respect for them. I must admit that I feel uncomfortable talking with a Gay but I try to be nice with them, after all they are human beings as much as I am.
I had once a very big disappointment from one of my best friends. We went for a night picnic (We were only three guys) and after eating we started talking about sex and suddenly he took off his clothes and began to invite us to do sex with him. At first I took it as a joke but when I realized that he was serious I became shocked!!! I never thought that I would ever been in this situation. We immediately took our things and left and after that night, I never spoke to him again apart from Hello and Bye. I do not speak to him anymore not because he is Gay but because he tried to make us have sex with him!!!
Anyway, I am really happy to be heterosexual, its a bit too complicated being a Gay. I love girls, they are just wonderful! If I had been born girl, I would certainly be a Lesbian in fact I found this site looking for lesbian pictures. Why? In normal pictures you can see men and women having sex and since I am not interested in seeing man, I look for Lesbians and see Women and Women making sex.
Hmmm, OK...
Where do I begin?
It sounds like you are at least trying to understand what it truly is to be gay. That's a good thing, but you need a bit more enlightening until you are there.
If any gay people have mental problems, as you suggest, it is probably do to the pressures that some of society puts on them and not from being gay at all. However, gay people do not have any more or less mental problems than heterosexuals.
Not all gay men are feminine as you allude to. I think what you may be picking up on is that a lot of gay guys don't subscribe to the idea that a man has to be totally hard and not sensitive. As far as dressing like girls, you are talking about cross-dressing which has less to do with being gay than being heterosexual. Statistics show that 90-something percent (I forget the exact statistic) of all men that cross-dress are of heterosexual orientation. Surprised? I'm not!
I'm glad that your disassociation with your friend has nothing to do with the fact that he is gay but because of his actions that displeased you. I hope that you hold the same set of standards if a female friend acts the same way.
Telling me that you are, "really happy to be heterosexual, its a bit too complicated being a Gay," sounds to me like you might have some homosexual feelings yourself. If this is the case, I think you may benefit from talking to a therapist that is gay-friendly and knowledgeable. The only thing complicated about being gay is finding out if the cute UPS man is future boyfriend material!
Thanks for writing,
Papa
PS - In normal pictures you can
also see men and men as well as women and women having sex!
Papa,
I am a 20 year old female and am a lesbian. Ever since high school, I've had a crush on my best friend that has built up more and more inside of me. She has been with guys only, and considers herself bisexual. The other night I told her how I felt and she completely died. She had been waiting for me to tell her this for a long time. She had longed for me to hold her for so long, and so had I. I finally got my chance to, and it was so wonderful. Then, it just got better. We talked about it, how much I was in love with her and how much I cared for her, and she was completely flattered. The whole time I talked to her, I was so nervous, I was shaking and getting completely light headed. She held my hands and told me everything would be OK and she leaned over and kissed me. I almost died, I couldn't believe it. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Then she just wanted to be held and we talked for a long time. Now the hard blow to the face... I have been in a relationship with a woman for a long time now, and love her a lot too. I haven't been more happy before, except with my best fried. My girlfriend and I have been getting more and more serious and now I'm stuck. I've loved my best friend from the first day I saw her and now I don't know what to do. My girlfriend is great, her parents like me, her friends adore me, and she talks about marriage and kids, and living together and I'm not ready, yet I also talk with her about living together and stuff. I don't know if it's because I'm curious about the mystery that lies ahead for a future with her or what. I just don't know what to do...best friend or girlfriend or what????
HELP ME!!! L.S.G.
Hey Hon!
It's absolutely wonderful to find out that someone you have loved and adored for soooo long has felt the same way about you! Pretty kewl, huh?
HOWEVER... You have been in what sound to me like a very loving long term relationship for quite sometime now. You have the acceptance and love from both her friends and family. What a wonderful realtionship you have!
This thing with your friend is really nice and all, but do you really want to sacrifice what you have? If you were in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, I would possibly tell you to get out of it, but it doesn't sound like this is the case.
My advice? Be happy in the fact that you finally found out how your friend has felt about you, but be even happier in the fact that you have found someone, your present girlfriend, who you are just as happy and compatible with.
If you can deal with it, stay friends with this other girl and enjoy your friendship. If it will be too much temptation to become unfaithful or if it will ruin your present relationship. MOVE! I hear there's some lovely inexpensive beach-front property in Guam!
Papa
Dear Papa,
OK, here's a weird one for ya. I have been married for over 3 years now. Anyway about a couple of years ago I started noticing that I have an attraction to my same sex, women. I started having all kinds of dreams and thinking a lot more seriously about my sexuality. I believed that I was probably bisexual. As I thought more about my sexually and looked back into the past I realized that I have had a same sex attraction for a long time but never admitted to myself. I would always question my sexually on if I could be lesbian since I had lesbian friends, but I never considered the idea that I could be bisexual. I got married when I was almost 15. I was probably 17 when I started having the dreams and thinking about my sexuality seriously, and I'm 19 now.
Anyhow, when I first started realizing all this I told my husband and he was supportive and even supportive of me possibly exploring it. The problem was that when I wanted to explore it, in my mind he wasn't necessarily going to be a part of it. I felt it was something I needed to do for me. Not I want to cheat on him or anything. I don't know I still don't understand why I feel that way. So, when I actually mentioned to him that I wanted to possibly explore it with my best friend while visiting her in Texas he flipped out and started saying all kinds of things. He was obviously hurt by me not necessarily wanting him as a part of the experience.
So, that was probably a year ago and although he has changed his mind about being supportive about me exploring it, I still really want to. As more and more time passes I find that I have almost become obsessed with it. I'm at the age in which most teenagers are still trying to figure out what they are going to do with their lives and are exploring their identity and sexuality. Unfortunately, I'm not able to do that and I hate the fact that I want to so badly. I hate that I have this attraction and that I want to explore it. I love and care about my husband a lot and don't want to go behind his back, nor end our relationship. I've been hoping for a long time that I could just forget about exploring this attraction and be happy that I have him but it hasn't worked. I continue to be obsessed with it. In all honesty, I'm quite confused. I don't understand why I feel this way, why it won't go away, and why I just can't be straight. Please help if you can. Thanks
Hey There!
As far as your husband being supportive at first... NOT! Sounds to me like this was a chance for HIM to do a little exploring or to satisfy a somewhat common heterosexual male fantasy!
As far as wanting to explore your attraction to other females, you first may want to consider a few things. Is this just a sexual exploration you want to embark on or is it something more than just physical? If it were other men you were attracted to, would you still have the same obsession?
You got married pretty young! Sounds to me like you didn't have a whole lot of time to experience different relationships in your life. Many times, no matter what orientation you are, when someone's first relationship is a long term one and they have not dated other people, they feel like they may have missed out on something. This is very common.
My advice to you would be to think about your marriage and if it was meant to be monogamous. If so, don't go exploring without your husband's knowledge. It may ruin your marriage. The other thing would be to go to a therapist. Find out for yourself what your true orientation is. It may be bi or it may be lesbian. This would be, in your situation, the first place you might wanna do your exploring.
Love ya!
Papa
Papa,
First, I would like to say I admire your site. Hi, I'm a 21yr old, and I'm a little lost. My problem starts with the fact that I have dated only three guys in my life, and all three cheated on me. It wasn't really all their fault because I guess part of the problem begins with me.
Let me explain, I'm androgynous, a guy that has natural feminine qualities. My mother is beautiful, and I take after her a lot. It's no ones fault , but actually, I like what my parents created. They do too. The problem is that I'm an illusion even when I try my hardest to look butch. The guys I've dated approached me knowing I'm a guy. It was stated. They knew but still wanted to go out with me.(They stated I'm beautiful in and on the outside). I liked them so I tried. All 3 cheated on me, not to hurt me (actually, they tried to cover it , I'm just smart , and can read people especially if I know them) but to find out if they could stay with me or needed to be with a girl.
This doesn't matter to me except they lied to me. Well I'm blabbering, my problem now is I want a gay guy to like me for All I am. I'm not queeny at all, I just look fem. Part of me is but there are so many parts of me. I'm a really down to earth, nice person. I'm still friends with my ex's. It just didn't work, which I'm glad none of us held on to a fake relationship, but began new ones. If you have any suggestions I'd like to hear them. I feel trapped because I live in semi small town, Roanoke, Va. I really don't know totally what I'm asking, but you seem to be a good reader of situations.
Thank you for your time,
Faboo!
WAIT JUST A GOSH DARN MINUTE!!! It "wasn't really all their fault" they cheated on you? Honey, baby, booby! It's ALL their fault! Not many people cheat on their partners with the intention to hurt them, however, that is usually the result.
The fact that they cheated on you to find out if they really needed to be with a girl says everything about THEM and nothing about you. You sound pretty secure to me in who and what you are. That's a good thing. Don't let go of that. However, please don't doubt yourself because these other guys have doubted themselves!
We all would like to ultimately be with someone who loves All that we are. You are not alone in thinking just because you are "a certain way," whatever that "way" may be, that it isn't easy finding someone who will love you for YOU!
Be true to yourself, love!
Papa
Papa,
Hi, I am a 14 year old virgin. I do not know if I am gay or not but I am curious about gay sex. I have recently put out an ad for anyone who will have sex with me.( with condom, of course) I got a message from a guy who is willing to do it with me. I think I can determine if I am gay when I have sex with him. Do you think this is right?
Craig
Hey there Craig!
Do I think this is right? NOOOO! Just in case you didn't here me the first time... NOOOO!
As I've stated before, having sex with someone of the same gender will not help you decide if you are gay or not. If you want to know if you are gay or not, look on the inside instead of the outside. How do you feel about other guys? I know you are attracted to them physically. Are attracted to them Emotionally? Spiritually? Mentally? Do you want to have a loving relationship with another male? Answer these questions and you will have a better idea of what your orientation is. Doing horizontal mambo won't answer these very important questions for ya.
Although I'm glad you have the knowledge and sense to use a condom if you are going to have sex, I worry about the method in which you are going about to find it. At the age of 14, I would suggest not being in such a rush to "get with" someone. Meeting someone through a personal ad at your age is not the safest way to meet other gay people. I would strongly suggest that you investigate as to whether or not there is a gay youth agency nearby. If you e-mail your area code and zip code, I will find out for ya.
Love, Papa
Hello Papa!
I am a 15 year old guy. I have a serious problem which I never dared to ask anyone. I have reach the age of 15 but I have not reach puberty. My friends says that if you reach puberty, you will start to have pubic hair. Until now, I don't have any yet. If there any way for me to reach puberty in the fastest possible time. Also, when I masturbate, I can get some white, sticky liquid coming out of my penis. It is not much but it is still a sticky liquid. What is wrong with me? I have noticed that one of my testicles is drooping lower than the other one. Am I abnormal? Do you have any other way of getting me to reach puberty without visiting a doctor? My penis when erected is only 3.5 inches long. Please e-mail me the answer as quickly as possible. I need it urgently as all my friends have reached puberty.
Dennis
Hey Buddy!
Your problem is not as serious as you think! Guys mature physically at different ages and speeds. It may be frustrating for you and a little scary to feel you're behind friends who may have started to go through the changes associated with puberty. However, you need to let Mama Nature take her course! Here's a good site to check out that can help you with this question better than I : puberty 101
Hang in there bud!
Papa
Papa
I am having a very serious problem, and I thought that you might be able to help, so here it goes:
Last year around Christmas time I had one of my best friends come over on Christmas Eve so that we could exchange some gifts. Well, what she bought me was a double-ended dildo. She wanted to use it right then and there. I LET HER DO IT!!! The big problem comes in with my husband of, at that time, 1 and 1/2 years. We have a baby boy, whom I love dearly, but my husband flipped out when he found out. I'm only 20, and have a lot of years to go, but I'm seriously contemplating suicide. My husband treats me as though I'm some kind of weirdo and he won't let be alone with my son. I'm not abnormal, just curious. I love that dildo experience, but don't want to ruin my marriage. What should I do?
Hi Hon,
As bad as it may seem for you, please remember how much you love your son and what a great loss it would be to him to lose his mom's love should you kill yourself.
Most of the time when people contemplate suicide, it is not because they really want to die. They just want the pain to stop. Sweety, there are other ways to go about stopping the hurt you feel resulting from your husband's reaction.
Sounds to me like the real problem does not lie with you, but rather with your husband's response. Although he may have found it distasteful and not have agreed with what you did, he is not dealing with his feelings (or yours) in a healthy manner.
My suggestion would be to get a third party involved at this point. Explain to your husband the pain he is causing you and think about seeing a therapist together. Sometimes, a third party can help to enable both parties involved to see how they make each other feel and how they may be able to get past an event or problem that does not allow them to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship. If he doesn't agree, go by yourself.
Please stick around for your sake, for your son's sake and for mine! Let me know what happens.
I love ya! Remember that!
Papa
OK, Papa, here's my problem.
I go to a small conservative southern college (in a very small town) where I am one of only two out women on campus. It's lonely at the top. :D Anyway, there is an endless supply of straight women for me to fall in love with (and I frequently do), so you can imagine my dilemma. Let's just say the babydykes are not in abundance. How, then, do I go about forgetting romantically, these wonderful women who don't play on my team?
Love ya, Queen of Unrequited Love
Your Highness,
I know what you mean about it being lonely at the top!
KIDDING!
10. Join a nunnery
9. THINK, "I LOVE MEN!"
8. Fall madly in love with the "other" out woman on your campus. Don't forget the U-Haul!
7. Six words: Cold Shower, Cold Shower, Cold Shower
6. Recruit from the other team. (Isn't that what all us homosexuals do?)
5. In the immortal words of that fountain of knowledge, Bob Dole, "Just Don't Do It!" Yeesh!
4. Eating chocolate works for me!
3. Pretend they are all that guy who wrote me about Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve!
2. On second thought... forget the nunnery. Too much temptation!
1. Join the "Ways You Go About Forgetting Women Who Don't Play On Your Team Club."
Love ya!
Papa
Papa,
I'm a 32-year-old gay man with the interesting problem of having fallen in love with my best friend. I don't just love him (like the beer commercial would say), I'm in love with him. He's straight, has a girlfriend, knows I'm gay (he was the first person I told), and he's always been supportive and generous with his friendship. Unfortunately, while I should be out trying to start new relationships and meet new people who are gay, I always wait for him to call and hope I'll be able to spend as much time as possible with him. If one definition of love is that he's the last person I think about before I go to sleep and the first person I think of when I wake up, then I'm in love. Of course, intellectually I know all this can lead nowhere better than the friendship we already have, but the heart doesn't always listen to the brain. How can I get past this love, while maintaining a friendship I would never want to lose?
Hey Amigo,
Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt!
Oy! There's not a whole lot I can tell you that you already don't know. From reading your letter, it sounds like you have a strong intellectual grasp of your situation. But, as you stated, heart and brain don't always play nice with each other.
What you have here is a very unhealthy situation. If your friend is indeed straight, you are chasing after a relationship that will never be. You absolutely have to move on from this.
You may be in love with HIM but from the sound of it, you are also obsessing over HIM. Think about it. You are not even trying to meet other people because you're pining away for him. You probably make "tentative" plans with other friends if you think there is a chance of hanging out with HIM. You think of HIM before you go to sleep and when you wake up. You want to spend as much time with HIM as possible.
Why did I capitalize "HIM" in the previous paragraph? Because you have made HIM into YOUR life. Not a healthy or happy thing to do!
I understand and empathize how hard it must be for you to have this person in your life with whom you are so in love with. This person who you share a close friendship with. This person who in all reality, can't be yours in the way that you would want him to be.
How do you get past this love, while maintaining a friendship you would never want to lose? You need to take the focus off of HIM and put it on YOU! You need to fight your heart for it's own good! You need to make a very conscious decision to let your brain do the driving for a bit!
One suggestion I would make is to do the very thing that probably scares you the most. You need to start distancing yourself from him. Being around him is not a healthy thing for you to do at this point. PUT THE FOCUS BACK ON YOU! Little by little, have less contact with him. Make plans with other friends and stick to them. Open yourself up to the possibility of having a relationship with someone else.
I am in no way saying that you should give up his friendship. Good friends are not always easy to find. However, in your case, you really need to distance yourself from him for a while until you can deal with your feelings. Even if that means breaking all contact with him for a while. Even if it takes weeks, months or years. YOU need to do this for YOU.
If you think he is capable of understanding, you may want to consider telling him how you have felt about him and what you intend to do so he doesn't feel like he's losing your friendship for no apparent reason. If he is mature enough, he will understand the it's nothing against him, but rather something you need to do for you.
Often, with time away from an unhealthy situation, it becomes more manageable. This is going to require a conscious and dedicated effort on your part. It may be a long, hard road but you can do it!
The very best of luck to you, amigo...
Papa
More
Past Letters To PapaBack
To Ask Papa
Get your own Free Home Page