Tue, 12 Jul 1994

Dear Diary:

Hmmmm...it's been sort of a "this and that time" since I last wrote you.

I think I have found someone to take my non-functional car off my hands. I should be rid of it on Saturday. I'm sure my landlady will be pleased since she is planning on installing a semi- circular driveway that runs through the place it now occupies.

We had to cancel the dental appointment to get my crown installed. I seem to have maxed out my dental insurance for the year, so any further dental work will have to wait for January. The limit is only $1000, one of the dubious "joys" to being involved in group insurance.

On another insurance front, I got my cards from the new HMO today. When I asked the personnel woman about my application for a gynecologist, she called and said it was approved. I guess I won't have to be bothering my post-op friends for letters from there gynes explaining why a post-op MtF would need a gynecologist after all.

Alicyn called last night and we talked for about an hour or so. She has been really in the dumps. I hope I managed to cheer her up somewhat. RLT without hormones or electrolysis can be such a bitch. Being in a foreign country, far away from your friends (even those that live in this country) probably doesn't help either. I think when she finally gets on the road for her bus tour of the US, and starts getting to spend some time with her friends, she'll start feeling better. At least I hope she does.

I got a card in the mail from Erin L. She wrote a nice letter about her most recent week. I almost missed the significance of the card what with people coming to see the car and Alicyn calling, but I finally did. The front of the card shows a portion of a mural called "The Birth." The part it shows includes a depiction of Ichtaxa (sp? I left the card at home today), Mayan goddess of birth. I guess this *is* a birth process I am going through. I conceived of my new life a couple of years ago and the transition is the gestation period. It is a long, difficult and painful gestation that leads to a difficult labor. The difference between this and my first birth is that I am aware of this one and have some control over what transpires. It's an interesting comparison. Then again, I also like the image of me as a phoenix, rising from the ashes of my former existence, while several of my friends seem to prefer the image of a butterfly, emerging from it's cocoon.

Whatever...I like Erin's viewpoint, too. Maybe I can fit into my book..."Mine was a long and painful delivery...taking 46 years and 4 months to be exact." Hmmm...maybe not.

I had one of those awful "teacher dreams" last night. I forgot to show up to give two of my exams. I got fired :( All in all, not a nice dream.

Today I ramp down another notch on the hormone level, to 1mg a day of estrace for the next week. I'm staying on the 200mg of spiro a day, so as not to have a testosterone surge if I can help it. I'll go off the spiro about a week to 4 days before surgery. I hope this ramp down won't signal another eating binge...I've gained 5 pounds in the last week.

Love and Peace,

A Content Robyn

Next Day * * * Calendar * * * Previous Day