Fri, 22 Jul 1994

Dear Diary:

It was a very bittersweet evening: sweet, because the play was so good....bitter, well, I'll get to that.

I spent the day mostly lounging, playing mah joungg on the computer, waiting for time to get ready, thinking about the evening to come. About 2pm, I went home to get ready and discovered that the Mileage Plus coupons from April had arrived as well as a copy of Dr. Ron's letter to Schrang. So I guess I'm all set except for picking up the tickets.

I took a long hot bath and leisurely prepared for the evening. I wanted to look my best, so I chose my black flowered print skirt and the red blouse. For some reason I get more compliments in black and red, so I guess I must look nicer in that :) I fixed my hair and made sure I was immaculately attired and then walked back to school around 5:15. I waited to do my make-up until I got to school since the temp was in the 90s and I didn't want to melt.

Once at school, I was extra careful with my make-up, wanting to look my best. You see, this is undoubtedly my last "public appearance" before my surgery. Outings like this are indeed public appearances for me since a lot of the townsfolk that attend haven't seen me in person, only heard about me, and they take the opportunity to ogle a bit.

I arrived at the play about 10 minutes early and picked up my ticket from will-call. One nice thing about being "notorious" is that you do get good service a lot of the time. I didn't even have to tell them my name before they had given me my ticket and they never asked to look at my ID (faculty and students get in free). Similar things happen other places. I stopped going to Subway because some of the "gentlemen" that worked there would intentionally call me "sir." A while ago, noting that he didn't work there anymore, I starting going back there for lunch occasionally, almost always ordering a round tuna sandwich since I was trying to watch my cholesterol because Dr. Ron told me I had hypercholesterolemia (probably genetic hyperlipidemia, in his words...you know doctors). As I kept going there, the size of my tuna sandwiches grew and grew, until now the only thing I don't get twice the normal amount of is the roll. When I go to the student union and get onion rings (not very often because of the cholesterol problem), I get about 1.5 times the normal amount of rings. It's strange but it happens.

Now for the evening:

First, the sweet: Sweet Charity is my favorite movie of all time and when I heard the University and Community Arts were doing it this summer, I knew I would be one of the first to get a ticket. I did: 5th row center, where I normally sit. The production wasn't perfect to someone who has seen the movie about 15-20 times. Having also read the play, I knew most of the words by heart, and new all of the songs. This was a plus, as the orchestra tended to drown out some of the singers. The woman playing Charity had the most problems with this. She was otherwise very good though. Mike (who I have had as a student three times and see every day in the AV room) was excellent as Vittorio Vidal and also had to fill in with the chorus because someone got ill. Liz Parker (Dave's wife...you know Dave, the head of AV who is always asking me questions about being transsexual) was excellent as Helene...she always does a superb job). Another of my ex-students, Chris, was in the play, mostly in the chorus, but he is so short, he really stands out, and in this case it was played to good effect. The casting was nearly perfect. The dance numbers were lacking, but I chalked that up to the local nature of the production. All in all I thought the play was wonderful.

But there was also the bitter: I went to the play alone, mostly because I couldn't find anyone else who was going to see it. Of the 6 plays I have been to since I came out on campus, I went to 3 with someone and 3 alone. The "alone" ones tend to be a little bit more of a pain. Normally, for instance, there are a couple of seats on one side of me or the other that are empty, while the rest of the theater is full. I try not to think about that too much. Tonight I did have an older gentleman and his wife on one side of me...they didn't even respond when I said hello. I can stand that...I'm there to watch the play after all. At intermission I went out in the lobby to stretch my legs a bit as usual. I saw several people that I knew and hoped would come over and chat, but mostly they turned away to talk with other people. A few other faculty members walked right in front of me, so I said hello. No response. This is what I mean when I say I am a social pariah here. One woman from the remedial math faculty did come out to say hello and introduce her daughter to me, but then her husband walked by without saying a word and took her by the arm to the other side of the lobby. The technical director of the play did come over and ask me how it looked from the audience perspective, but by then it was time to return for Act II.

When the play was over, it was pretty much the same thing. I wanted to congratulate my friends in the cast, so I was hanging around in the lobby and more people I knew walked by without saying hello. One woman from the history department I chat with almost daily. But in the company of the husband, there wasn't a peep.

I'm glad I hung around though...several of the cast members thanked me for coming and I told them how well I thought they had done.

Sometime between now and the next play I attend on campus, there is supposed to be some miraculous change in the behavior of these people I live among, according to what some of them have told me. "Things will get better after you have the surgery." It's not going to happen. "It'll just take some time." It's been two years. It's getting to be time for me to move on.

Love and Peace, with a touch of Sadness,

Robyn

(There was no diary entry for Saturday, July 23. I was a bit in the dumps and took the day off from the computer)

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