Sun, 24 Jul 1994

Dear Diary,

I've been totally off hormones for 4 days now, though I am staying on spironolactone for another 10 days or so. As I cut down, I experienced a huge upswing in my appetite, to the point that a couple of times I was afraid I would eat everything in the apartment. Accompanying this have been alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea, and a net weight gain of 7 pounds.

Emotionally, I have not seen any difference in my behavior. I don't seem moodier than usually, nor cranky. I do seem to have an elevated need for sleep, but I think that's mostly because it is vacation time and what I normally do when I am on vacation. Slowly my body converts back to it's normal "night person" state (I generally pay for this once the vacation is over). What I mostly feel emotionally is an incredible state of tranquility.

Two weeks from right now, I'll be arriving in Appleton. I've been asked if I am examining my decision to have the surgery. Truth is that I don't anymore. After questioning that for nearly 3 years, I don't think anything is going to be discovered now. Is it right for me? Yes, because it feels right now and I refuse to have any regrets afterwards. Is it alone going to make me happy? Not in ways easily explained, but yes, in some ways. I'm happy now, except with the place I live. Coming out of my shell did that for me.

Having the surgery signals the end of one adventure, in a way, and a start of the next. I look forward to it.

Love,

Robyn

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