WHAT HAVE YOUR PARENTS SAID TO YOU ABOUT MASTURBATION, AND HOW HAS THAT AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT?

[Notes: About three-quarters of those responding said their parents told them nothing about masturbation. And of the other 25%, about two-thirds indicated at least one parent had negative things to say about masturbation. In other words, only about one out of 12 were told flat-out that masturbation is a safe, effective way to relieve the natural sexual tension almost every teen experiences. Isn't that pathetic?]

My parents have the view that it is simply the most natural thing a guy can do -- but they don't directly encourage it or discourage it. I was caught by my mother once, however, and was really embarrassed. She simply apologized and left the room. The next day she gave me a lock on my bedroom door.
- age 17, United Kingdom

My parents never, ever mentioned masturbation to me. One time I was in another room and heard my mom use the phrase "masturbating" to my dad. I called out "Mom!" and she about died of embarrassment that I had even heard her. At times I wish my parents, or at least my dad, had filled me in -- it might have relieved some of my shame about masturbating in my early years. But then I recall the "talk" my dad gave me about wet dreams when I was 14, and how embarrassed both of us were. I don't think we could have made it through a masturbation talk without one of us having a stroke.
- age 24, North Dakota

My mom just said it was wrong and disgusting and that she'd better not catch me or find out I do it. I guess what she had to say has had NO effect on me whatsoever, because I have masturbated since I was 12!
- age 23, Wisconsin

I don't think I've ever actually discussed the topic with my father. My mom, on the other hand, vehemently opposes masturbating. As a kid, I got lectures whenever she suspected something like that was going on. Now that I'm older, I try to let my younger brother know that it's okay, despite what my mother would have him to believe. I just tell him not to get caught or give her a reason to suspect it. Personally, her attitude has made me feel guilty sometimes, and I still have a problem talking about it. (My friends and I were all raised similarly, so we've never, ever even thought about discussing the subject.) JackinWorld has helped a lot; I now know it's all normal and that I'm not sick or depraved or the only one out there who does it. From what I'm hearing, it sounds like almost everyone out there in reader-land is having a pretty darn good time by themselves!
- age 19, New York

My mom walked in on me when I was 14; I had been going at it for a long time and was just about to shoot. She smiled, looked away and said it was okay and I shouldn't worry about it, and that I should just do it in the bathroom where I could have privacy.
- age 27, Maine

My parents haven't said much on the subject of masturbation. They both know I masturbate, and my dad used to joke about me masturbating, until I asked him if he ever did it. That ended the joking about me, and we haven't talked about it since. Even if they thought it was the root of all evil (and they don't), they wouldn't change my mind at all; I masturbate anywhere from 2 to 5 times daily.
- age 15, Texas

My mom said, "You used another entire box of Kleenex this month. I don't remember you having a cold." How did it affect me? Well ... I started using my socks for cleanup.
- age 25, Florida

My parents have said it is okay if I masturbate. It actually grossed me out that they said that -- I don't want to hear my parents saying things like that. Yuck!
- age 14, New York

My dad walked in on me once. I quickly put it away, and all he said was, "There's nothing wrong with what you're doing -- just don't let it take control of you. All boys your age are doing it, even if they deny it. All your friends at school do it too. So don't worry." And he left, so I took it out and finished up.
- age 16, Pennsylvania

My stepdad said masturbation is okay, but that it's wrong to have sexual thoughts while you're doing it. I think that is a hilarious impossibility! Otherwise, they never said anything negative, and I love it.
- age 31, California

When I was about 12, even though I had never tried masturbation, my dad told me when I was older I'd probably do it. Of course, that made my face turn red, and I said, "No way, Dad -- that's gross." I'm 14 now, and I have been masturbating for a year and half. Masturbation is a gift; everyone should masturbate. It relieves stress and tension, and it feels better than anything in the world. I only wish people weren't so repressed about it.
- age 14, California

My mom never talked to me about it (or about anything related to sex). However, once when I was about 13, she was sorting out my dirty underwear for the laundry, and noticing the tell-tall stain and smell, she said in a really viscous tone of voice, "Someone in this house has a BIG problem." I knew what she meant, because I was the only other person in the house. I felt really ashamed and embarrassed -- but it still didn't stop me from doing it. I just learned to clean myself up better.
- age 34, Texas

I printed out a few answers from previous JackinWorld Questions of the Week, and my mum found them and passed them on to my dad. He said something like, "Stop looking at that -- you'll go blind, you know," and, "I never did that at your age." Somehow I didn't believe him and kept going.
- age 18, United Kingdom

When I was about 14, my dad either saw or heard me getting off once. Later, as we were working together, he mentioned it to me and said, "We all have to do that sometimes, but I wouldn't make a habit of it." At first, I was absolutely mortified that he knew what I was up to -- but then later I was appreciative of his own admission of "needing" to do it. However, I'm afraid I did not follow his advice about not making it a habit!
- age 30, Minnesota

When my dad gave me "the talk," he said he saw masturbation as a way to relieve sexual tension and that I could do it. But I still don't like anyone to know I do it!
- age 13, Alabama

My parents didn't tell me one piece of information on the topic. I guess they didn't think it was important. Boy, were they wrong! I have been masturbating since age 11 and won't ever give it up. However, I plan to give my boys the lesson of their lives on masturbating. I don't care where they masturbate in the house. It's a fantastic way to learn about sexual feeling. Every guy should be in touch with his penis, guilt-free!
- age 25, Texas

Unfortunately, my father gave me the standard talk that fathers give their sons: he mentioned sex and little else. Too bad my father was years too late for the sex talk -- and many years too late to even mention masturbation. I had been trying to figure out new and exciting masturbation techniques for a very long time before he even thought of mentioning the "birds and the bees." Rest assured, fellow masturbators (i.e., everyone on earth except Hillary Clinton), I will be telling my son about masturbating long before he is stuck wondering if it's right or wrong -- or, as I have heard from other readers, thought that he may have injured his penis because of the fluids that came from it.
- age 30, Florida

My father never, never said anything. Only once did masturbation come up (pardon the pun) in talking with my mother. I was about 14, and she mentioned that she had walked in on my younger brother masturbating. He was, as she put it, "just a-going at it." She asked me then if I did it as well. I mumbled "no" -- but surely she knew better. This had no great effect on my attitude toward masturbation. It did, however, make me resolve to myself to be careful and not get caught. The downside to that was I started masturbating like a human jackhammer -- two, three minutes tops. That was too bad. Now I can take more time to just lie back and enjoy myself. Perhaps that's why masturbation gets better as one gets older: there is more time and privacy.
- age 39, Mississippi

My parents are divorced, and when I was about 14 my dad (with whom I live) started to talk about sex -- and right away I knew I'd rather die than have that conversation. He told me that while doing the laundry he found sperm on one of my T-shirts (I had used it to clean up). He was really cool, though, and said all guys masturbate and not to be embarrassed. I was still very uncomfortable, though. He also told me to keep a roll of paper towels in my room. He thought this was very comical -- but I was dying! He said it was not bad and didn't make me a pervert or anything, and that I should just do it in private and not leave that mess for him to clean up again. My dad was only 17 years old when I was born, so he's only 35 now. The conversation made me much more comfortable about the subject, and now, 4 years later, we can talk and joke about sex and masturbation. He still thinks I am too young to be sexually active, but he has taught me with an open and understanding attitude to be "safe" about sex. He doesn't want details, and I don't give them -- but I'm glad we had that initial conversation. I think his cool attitude back then is why I have a healthy outlook on sex and masturbation.
- age 18, Maine

I asked my dad what he thought about my "friend" who masturbated all the time. He smiled and said he thought it was okay as long as I did it in my own room. I blushed, and he just smiled and said not to be embarrassed -- that it was a normal part of being a male. I said thanks and ran to my room. I dreaded going down for supper that evening, but he acted like nothing had happened, and I got over my blush.
- age 16, Texas

One time my dad sat me down for the "talk" and said I should try not to masturbate. This may sound strange, but my religion strongly, well ... doesn't recommend it. He said, "You should try to keep those feelings inside. They'll be much more special when you're married, and they'll have more purpose." What he said has always made me feel guilty whenever I masturbate.
- age 13, Illinois

The only thing my dad has said to me was, "I don't do it, and I don't like it. But I'm not you. I don't care, as long as your mother doesn't catch you." The next day, she did.
- age 15, Pennsylvania

The only mention I ever got was, "only nasty boys do that," after my mom thought she caught me. Actually I was just taking a nap -- but an afternoon nap for me was so rare, she thought I was diddlin' under the covers.
- age 33, Mississippi

The first time I consciously recognized that playing with my penis was pleasurable -- about age 6, I guess -- I remember telling my mom with a great deal of interest that it was sticking straight up in the bathtub, "Like this," I said, illustrating the throbbing action with my finger. Never taking her eyes off the dish she was washing, she said a quiet "um-hum" -- and I got the message: this was not to be discussed! It wasn't an angry or accusatory tone, just ... embarrassed. When I started "officially" masturbating at age 11 after having been shown by a 16-year-old, it became an obsession. What a fantastic feeling! Several months later, I began ejaculating, and that was it -- I haven't missed a day since. But I felt horribly guilty about it. I knew other boys must do it, but certainly not to the degree that I did, and certainly not with the focus I maintained. It was not until I was in college that I was liberated and felt fine with my masturbatory habits. Finding this site was a pleasure; I thought, Man -- the young guys who find this site are very lucky!
- age 34, Georgia

The only thing my dad ever said to me about masturbation was that it wasn't good for you and not to do it "too much," which I always thought was a funny thing to say. I mean, if it's "not good for you," like smoking cigarettes, for example, why didn't he tell me DON'T do it, period? His "advice" never affected my habits -- I've been masturbating since I was 12 and loving every minute of it!
- age 34, Texas

Only once, a vague reference was made to masturbation on a TV show, and I didn't get it at first. I asked my mom what was so funny, and she hemmed and hawed -- and halfway through the sentence, I said, "Oh, okay" and turned away. Otherwise, she never talked about it.
- age 33, Ohio

Ever since I was a small child, I was always exploring my penis. Usually I didn't care if my parents saw me doing this. One day I was openly exploring, and my dad walked by and said, "Stop playing with your penis." Ever since then, I've gotten the message that my parents don't really like the topic of masturbation -- and since then, they've never brought it up. I don't think masturbating is wrong, and I never did. Oh well, I don't care ... no one can ever stop me from masturbating!
- age 15, Canada

Well, my father once told me there is nothing wrong with masturbation and that everybody does it and stuff. I never talked to anyone about masturbation and related things, and when my father said that ... well, it was pretty embarrassing. But actually I don't think it has affected my feelings in any way.
- age 15, Germany

A teacher discovered me doing it in school (during class, under a desk), and she told my parents, as if I had committed a crime or something. My parents, being Catholic, said I shouldn't ever do it -- that doing it is bad, and all that. They didn't give me any of the "stories" (hairy palms, blindness, etc.), but they did say it was something to be ashamed of and some such, sigh. Oh well. Regardless of what they've said, I've been doing it consistently, 8 times a week, since I was 5.
- age 17, New York

I was about to write that my parents are okay with it and have talked to me about it, but I realized that's not true. Yes, they've talked to me about sex. But they haven't said anything to me about masturbation -- although their attitude seems to be that only boys masturbate, and so they don't want their daughter to do it because it is taboo. I never ask, and I never want to, because they would just be uncomfortable. If my parents walked in on me masturbating, they would probably smile and walk away and later say they were sorry they didn't knock. The way they're quiet about it has made me feel it's okay to do, but that it's not acceptable to talk about. On the whole, I think my parents would never ask me if I masturbate because it would remove the coldness and carelessness from our home. Sure, they love me, but my mom and dad don't want to get personal with me, especially about sexual matters. That's fine -- I don't want to hear about their sex life. But our house is cold, and I know that some things I could never say to my parents because it would ruin their cool. Well, I will never be that way with my kids. I know I'd want them to know they can do it without remorse or having to hide it like I do, no matter their gender.
- age 13, Colorado

My parents had mixed feelings. My father told me there was something wrong with it and I should stop doing it right away. My mother said she grew up with two brothers, so she knows what I'm going through. She said there was nothing wrong with it -- just make sure I do it in a private place.
- age 15, Washington, DC

I don't think I've even heard my parents use the word -- but an aunt I'm really close to was very open about masturbation and such, and she taught me it was okay. I think if my parents said anything about it I'd be embarrassed, but talking to my aunt really helped. I've always known there's nothing wrong with it, but she helped to confirm that. I remember once when I was over at her house, her grandson (around 4 years old) was going through a stage where he was always playing with himself, and instead of saying, "Don't do that," or "That's gross," she just told him to do that in his own room -- that it was a private thing. I think I'm really lucky to have an aunt like that.
- age 17, Washington

They haven't addressed it specifically -- but my father gave me condoms when I was 14 and said, "You might need these someday." Just their "you can ask us anything, but we'd prefer if you didn't ask about that because it's not something we talk about" attitude has made me kind of insecure about the whole subject of sex altogether. Even more reason to appreciate sites like this, me having had to become an independent learner.
- age 18, Canada

When I was 11, my dad once tried to pull the covers off me when I was masturbating -- and I remembered that incident into adulthood. After I married, I reminded my dad about the incident and how I felt at the time about it. I wish I could have said something to him at the time. I still get some feelings after I masturbate that it is somehow wrong and that I should not have done it. But I do it again and again.
- age 58, California


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