RITES OF PASSAGE
Marriage
When the lives of two individuals merge and they decide to enter into a vow of commitment, the couple enters into the next stage of life. Since current laws do not allow for equal access
to marriage to all persons, we will use the term commitment to signify any marriage-like relationship.
It was Roman custom, just as it is Jewish custom today, to work out the details of the married life in a prenuptial agreement. Such an agreement is recommended today as well as custodial counseling prior to the ceremony. The Roman marriage, itself, was a financial and political arrangement, and usually a prearrangement, and not necessarily a loving one. Today, it should be the individual and not the parents who makes decisions about commitment. And whether the commitment is a loving relationship or a financial one, should be decided by the individuals and noted in the pre-nuptial agreement.
In the US, marriage is currently legal only for heterosexual couples. Commitment rites are therefore encouraged for both heterosexual and homosexual couples. The sample ceremony should be appropriate for all occassions.
Roman wedding customs centered around the ritual act of the husband stealing the bride from her family. Prior to the wedding the pre-nuptual was signed. For the wedding ceremony, the groom dressed in the Toga Virilis and the bride wore a white or off white dress with a saphron (yellow-orange) colored veil and green sandals. The evening before the wedding, the couple, together, baked ritual fertum cakes (wheat and honey cookies) for use during the ceremony. The climax of the ceremony came with the exchange of rings and the statement of the bride that "Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia". At the end of the ceremony, the groom symbolically steals his bride from the arms of her father and takes her off to their home (his own or his parents). The wedding guests follow them. At the new home, the bride performs the ritual of annointing the door posts and, then, is carried over the threshold by the groom. Once inside, the two together perform a rite before the lararium. Upon completion of this rite, the ceremony ends and the fun begins.
Of the ancient customs, some are still applicable today. The baking of the fertum cake, the exchange of rings, the vow "where you are lord, I am lady", the rites of the doorway and at the lararium. The costume is negotiable. The act of stealing the beloved from his/her parents, would be a fun addition if the parents are in agreement. From the ancient agenda, it would appear that the bride's family throws the wedding and the groom's family hosts the reception.
The Wedding/ Commitment Ceremony
Purification
This ritual is to be done in the Bride's home or at the Family Home.
(The night before the wedding the bride and groom bake fertum cakes together for use in the ceremony.)
(Begin with the Custode blessing the Eternal flame)
The Custode begins be kindling the eternal flame...
I kindle this flame as a symbol of the eternal flame
which lights the hearts and minds of both men and Gods,
and ask the blessings of Vesta upon this flame
and all upon whom its light may fall.
Welcoming
Custode
Dear Friends, we have come together here today
To witness the joining together of the paths of two lives as one.
We do give greetings to each and every one of you
Let us summon now Our Divine Parents.
Invocation
O, Pomona, Our Great Mother who Tends the Tree of Life,
We ask that some portion of your presence be here among us now,
Grant us guidance and blessing in this rite of union
That these two may here to be dedicated in Your Honor!
May you guide us in our performance of these rites.
O, Vertumnus, Our Heavenly Father who Turns the Wheel of the Year,
We ask that some portion of your presence be here among us now,
Give protection and longevity to the sacred union
Which is here dedicated in Your Honor!
May you guide us in our performance of these rites.
O, Father Janus, we come before you today
To unite the paths of these two lives.
We do beseech you to open the gates between the worlds
That we may have access to the Numina.
O, Eurus, King of the Winds of the East,
Which usher in great Dawn, and fill us with freshness, life, and joy...
Cast your blessings upon this union
And blow favorably upon them!
O, Auster, King of the Winds of the South,
Which bring the steamy warmth of the sun, growth to all things, and promise of the future,
Cast your blessings upon this union
And blow favorably upon them!
O, Zepherus, King of the Winds of the West,
Which bring forth the cool mists of the twilight, giving quiet repose and refreshing calm,
Cast your blessings upon this union
And blow favorably upon them!
O, Boreas, King of the Winds of the North,
Which bring forth the cold that allows us to turn within for warmth and self knowledge.
Cast your blessings upon this union
And blow favorably upon them!
Who is it that shall give this woman into holy matrimony/union?
Bride's father
I do.
These rings, reminders of the sacred circle, are the symbols which you have
chosen to wear, that all may know the special bond between the two of you, and
of the joining together of your love, your lives, and your paths.
Take this token and present it to your beloved and repeat after me:
(Custode and then Groom)
My love...
I shall be no vagabond, roaming the world. I shall dwell close to you. I shall not be swayed by
the latest one I see. You will be the first and foremost love in my life. I stand here willing to
change and to work with you to build our future together.
I love the things you do:
(Groom states three or four items)
But more than all these things I love you.
Accept this symbol of my love for you and know that where you are Lady...I shall be Lord
where I am Gaius I would have you be my Gaia.(I would have you also be Gaius.)
Take this token and present it to your beloved and repeat after me:
(Custode and then Bride)
My love...
I accept your token and offer my own in return. I shall dwell close to you. I shall not be swayed
by others who would win me. You will be the first and foremost love in my life. I stand here
willing to change and to work with you to build our future together.
We love the same things:
(Bride restates the Grooms list)
But more than all these things I love you.
Accept this symbol of my love for you and know that where you are Lord...I shall be Lady. (I shall be also.)
Where you are Gaius I shall be Gaia.(I shall be also.)
(Custode)
In the names of Pomona and Vertumnus, I bless this union.
May your love make fruitful all your dreams and aspirations together
you may kiss your bride.
Are you prepared to approach the altar of this Family
And present to the Gods of Our people the offerings you have prepared together
Couple
We are
Custode then Couple while presenting ferta to the deities
Then step forth and repeat after me...
Accept this small token of our affection,
O most magnificent and gracious Lady,
Whose slender hand joins the vine and the elm,
Whose triple aspect does see
The grafting, the maturing and the harvesting of such a union
Whose wells of mystery do give
Inspiration and eternal life,
That by this rite our paths may be joined,
And our lives together may benefit Your Family.
Fiat!
Accept this small token of our affection,
O loving and most valiant Lord,
Whose tender hand turns the cast wheel of the sky,
Whose dual aspect does watch
The everchanging cycle of birth and death,
Whose wells of strength do give
Courage and inspiration throughout eternity,
That by this rite our union may become as firm as Yours,
And our life together may benefit Your Family.
Fiat!
To you, great Janus, Guardian of New Beginnings.
Blessings and Thanks.
To you, Juno Regina, protectress of the happy home,
Blessings and Thanks.
To you, our Lares, spirits of those who have gone before and of the land upon which we stand.
Blessings and Thanks.
To you, our Penates, Gods of this Family and protectors of health and wealth.
Blessings and Thanks.
To all you Gods and Spirits, whose names we have not spoken, who watch over the welfare of this family and home
Blessings and Thanks.
We end with you, dear Vesta,Goddess of the Eternal Flame, and of hospitality
Blessings and Thanks.
Parting
Custode Dear friends, may I introduce to you Mr & Mrs._____________.
This rite is ended.
We thank you all for joining us.
(refreshments are now available)
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