"My Cure"
I have always been blessed with a cheerful, optimistic disposition. I cherish each breath and treasure my life's journey. As I explored my "gender dysphoria" (not my term, but one people can usually relate to), I asked myself this very common question: "Why do I like to dress and express myself as a woman?" Once "I determined" the reasons why "I chose" to engage in such an activity, I felt that "I could then determine a cure" that would suit me. "I determined" that I found satisfaction or fulfillment through my gender-blending by embracing and expressing my life using an amalgam of the following qualities:
Emotional
Creative
Effeminate
Risky
Erotic
Empathetic
Fashionable
Unique
Exotic
It seemed simple to me that if I could qualify my Personal Gender Amalgam(PGA), I could then apply the "Salami Technique" and thereby achieve balance in my descent from my flight into hypermasculinity. This lack of balance "shoves the stick forward" in a dive toward the feminine. Getting rid of the stick is not necessarily the solution. (Pun intended!) The "Pareto Principle" would suggest that 20% my PGA caused 80% of my dysphoria. Some would suggest that this is an over-simplification of my transsexualism/transvestism/gender dysphoria -- whatever. I agree. I spent too much time talking myself into some notion of how "complex" I was. In my years of exploring the jungle of thought and philosophy within the gender community, I don't believe I had ever met a ts/tv/tg that thought she was just a garden-variety gender bender. I am no exception. Show me a ts/tv/tg who doesn't embrace and assert her own uniqueness and complexities, and I'll eat my garden-variety prosthetic breasts. For me, I was tired of it!
Specifically, I figured that 80% of my PGA could be satisfied through some activity as a male. This left the "3 E's" -- Effeminate, Erotic and Exotic. I figured I could satisfy even these to some degree if considered individually. Considering and satisfying 80%+ of my PGA, significantly reduces my dysphoria.
My PGA is the "Salami" of my gender dysphoria. Its too damn large and, to be sure, complex to satisfy and manage as one part of my life. If I slice it up, then I can handle each slice easily. For example, I found that finding ways to be Theatrical, other than while dressed as a woman, helped minimize my need to do so "en femme". Managing each quality of my PGA in that manner, I have reached "my wellness." I have been to the threshold of gender overload. The "group think" amongst the gender community is one of mistaken compassion--welcoming despairing people, then virtually shoving them toward transition. Transition is the right answer and course of treatment for some, but it comes at a far greater price than just the hospital and doctor bills. I treasure the independent thinkers within our community. May you always stand strong.
I once had an admirer tell me, "Every day that you don't spend as a woman is a waste. You're too beautiful to be anything else!" It was obviously meant as a compliment. However, comments like that are like a narcotic, from which addiction is hard to break. I pray that each person who reads this and is trying to find wellness, will pause to consider their addictions, then tackle their own PGA a slice at a time.
If I can be of any assistance to you in your quest for wellness, I would be honored to do so. I will not attempt to replace clinical help for those that need it, but I can help slice Salami!
This page last updated November 24, 1998.
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