I was heavy into crisis mode, drinking and drugging most of the time. Many other things had my attention and I certainly
didn't have room for a dress in my life, much less a purse. (This was my lowest point in a depression that had no apparent
cause and lasted for several years.
When I came back home to live things changed a bit. I rediscovered who I was and all the feelings of who and what I wanted to be came flowing back like a warm hug. I moved into an apartment on my own and set out on the road of discovery.
I found out a lot about myself in the following years, but didn't really start dressing again until after I got married. My wife at that time was aware of many of my "kinks", but not about the crossdressing. When I finally explained to her that I did like to crossdress, she didn't get it. I am sure it was my inadequate explanation, as I was unsure myself what my needs were. She decided that I was gay. That conversation, in hindsight was the demise of our relationship, even though it took another 6 months for it to finally die.
During that time, however, to give her some credit, we had several goes at filling my needs to crossdress. It just wasn't meant to be. She moved out, and started divorce proceedings. After several weeks, I had several visits from strangers that I found out later she had sent to the house. These men were all gay and she had been spreading the word around with her friends that I was gay and looking for a man! I was not, but being in the funk that I was with the drinking and divorce, etc. I invited these men in and talked with them. I am actually surprised that nothing sexual happened, although I am sure that once they began talking to me, these guys figured out that I was one confused puppy. I called her after the third such visitor and threatened her with a harassment suit on top of the divorce if she didn't stop. She did.
So, hear I was, in the process of a divorce, a crossdresser, a drunk, and starting to doubt my own sexuality. What was I to do? I plunged into another relationship, with a very feminine woman to "prove" that I was not gay. That story will probably not be told here, as it is a long and painful one. Suffice it to say that after almost 8 years, I was able to give up the drugs, the booze, the denial and confusion over who/what I was and ultimately, the relationship.
I only regret that it took all of those 8 years to get to a point that I was finally comfortable with who I was and that I was a crossdresser. I am now several years beyond that relationship and during that time, I met, dated and married my wife, Fran. I was able to tell her up front about my crossdressing, although, I kind of eased her into it. She was very understanding and supportive even before we moved in together.
I am now a happy person, I have been incorporating more of Julie into my daily life, I am not done yet, but little steps are best. My wife is supportive and happy that I am finally realizing my dreams of being who I want to be.
