What's in a Name?
We’re all different. The differences are sometimes noticeable, sometimes not, but the fact is that each one of us is unique. There has never been another living person exactly like us and there never will be.
But we all share one thing in common, no matter who we are: each of us is the owner of a name that we were given at birth. We didn’t have a choice in the matter; we were assigned one by our parents. These names are important, but for those of us in the TG community, the feminine names that we adopt assume an almost greater importance. Perhaps more than clothes and wigs and makeup, our feminine names are one of the most important steps in our acceptance of ourselves.
Why are names important? One could say that they naturally came about; that as we were beginning to exercise our use of language, we named ourselves at the same time as we were naming everything else. For me, this conjures up a picture of a caveman saying, "I’ll call that hard object that just sits there a ‘rock,’ and I’ll call that thing that sort of looks like me, ‘Fred.'" The evolution of language was a little more complicated than that, of course, but obviously, it was important to make a distinction between the inanimate object now known as a rock and the very animate object known as Fred, if for no other reason than the fact that Fred was probably more interesting to talk to than the rock.
If that’s all there were to names, we wouldn’t take it the way we do when people mispronounce, misspell, or don’t bother to know us by our names. Stand-up comedians have made audiences roar by telling about how they were known as "Hey You" during their school years, and Anne of Green Gables makes the very strong point that her name is "Anne-with-an-E." Even diminutives can cause us problems if people don’t know what we like ahead of time: being called Robert when you prefer to be known as Bob is a little unsettling.
Our names are something that is ours, and we tend to resent it when we are not known by them. Many of us are bothered when we have to be known by Social Insurance numbers, driver’s license numbers, or passport numbers; and some writers have noted that one of the reasons convicts in prison are given numbers is because of the dehumanizing effect it has. Society has rejected them for a period of time, and to drive that point home, it removes their names.
Clearly, our names are important to us. They not only provide a way of identifying ourselves to friends and acquaintances, but hearing others use our name assures us that we still have a place in society.
But what if we could choose our own names? This is something that we, in our community, have all had experience with, since it is essential for each one of us to do. Most of us would find it difficult, if not impossible, to adopt a feminine frame of mind or indeed, convey a more feminine persona, if we insisted on being known by our male names. As a result, we all adopt feminine names.
How do we choose our own names? As we’ve seen, it is not a choice to be made lightly on the spur of the moment, but something that demands time and thought.
For some the choice is easy: they adopt the feminine equivalent of their masculine name--Robert becomes Roberta, Frank becomes Francine, and Charles becomes Charlotte, for example. Others adopt the name of a favourite female friend or relative. Still others choose a name that they have always liked, or one that belongs to their cultural heritage, or for one of any number of other reasons.
One thing we have to remember when we adopt a new name is that the name itself can provide a set of images that may or may not work for one. When Sidney Biddle Barrows, the Mayflower Madame, hired a new girl for her escort service, she insisted that girl adopt a working name to maintain some degree of anonymity. The choice of name was usually up to the girl, though Ms. Barrows noted that occasionally she had to step in and veto the girl’s decision--she couldn’t see the fresh-faced blond girl-next-door, for example, being known as Natasha, since that tended to conjure up an image of a sultry brunette in the minds of her clients.
Because we can choose them, and because that choice is carefully considered, our feminine names become most important to us. Think back to when you were first addressed by your feminine name. How did you feel? You no doubt felt pleased, but you probably also felt legitimized. The simple act of being addressed by your feminine name made your femme self a real person. If others accept us that way, it is easier for us to accept ourselves.
Our feminine names, therefore, not only identify us to others and give us a place in our society, but they perhaps most importantly are the first step on the road to acceptance. And this may be the key to making others feel welcome and safe in our community: even something as simple as saying "Hi, Susan," instead of just plain "Hi," for example, can calm the nervous and frightened newcomer, and assure her that she is among friends who accept her as Susan. If you can accept her as Susan, she can accept herself also.
One doesn’t need clothes to begin one’s acceptance, one doesn’t need makeup or shoes or voice training or any of the other things that we place so much emphasis on.
All one needs is a name.
Get your own Free Home Page