The Fat Chronicles

I'm not sure where this is going to end up, but I've been thinking a lot about FAT, you know, that stuff that some of us love and which grosses others out. Well, I've always been fat, well almost always. I was born at 5 pounds, 5.5 ounces, just this side of being a preemie. I guess I always was a quick learner, because after a very few months of being coaxed to eat to gain some weight, I was sucking down those bottles faster than anyone could fill them! My first lucid memory is one of sitting in front of a cabinet when I was maybe 2 years old, and taking eveything out of that cabinet and stuffing my face with anything that was remotely edible and had sugar in it. No, I can't actually tell you I was eating all sorts of cookies and stuff, but that's what I'm thinking I was doing... well, maybe that, and cereal... So, yes, I've always liked food.

I'm also the expert of dieting, since I've been on about 750 of them. Believe it or not, I do know quite a bit about nutrition, even though I certainly don't look it and have to admit I don't follow a lot of my own advice. Some people may think my life sucks, but, ya know what? It's my life, and I don't think it sucks at all.

As I write this today, March 5, 1998, I'm about 5'8" tall and weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 380 or so. I haven't seen a scale that goes past 350 in many years, so all I know is that I weigh more than that. I kinda wish I knew what I really weighed, but for now this will have to do.

I suppose I have a kind of love-hate relationship with fat. When I was growing up, and realized I was gay (that's really another whole story, but somewhat intertwined, perhaps), I was so focused on thin, yes, even skinny, guys, wow, I really can't explain it. For the longest time I'd never have met a guy who was too skinny for me. It wasn't until I was with my first male friend, wow, talk about a true, first love!, that I realized people actually had pelvic and hip bones that showed! That was such a wonderfully different feeling to me, I have to admit I still get goose bumps (among other things) thinking about it again. I was 15 or so, and Richie was about 6 months older than I was. He lived a couple of houses down from me, and we started hanging around because he needed help with Math and I was pretty good at it. I had just moved there a year or so ago, and really mostly kept to myself. LOL, even in those days, I made friends with the girls in the neighborhood, not the guys. I wonder if I was afraid of them or something. Probably so! Matter of fact, I was friends with Richie's sister way before I saw her gorgeous brother, who at the time was likely about 5'9" and all of about 105 pounds to my 5'7" and maybe 180 or 200 pounds. I really can't remember, but suffice it to say that I was fat and, well, he wasn't. :)

Well, I could write a book about my teenage years and the time I spent with Richie, but, that's not going to happen here. While to this day Richie insists he's far from gay, and has gone out with about a bazillion women to prove it (and did all the time we were, uhm, involved, by the way), he still, to this day, some 30 years later, enjoys it when I give him a back rub. And nope, he's not married.... Hmmmm, one never knows, do one? :) You know what the killer is, though? He STILL has a 32 inch waist (OK, in those days it was a 30 or 31 inch waist), and weighs maybe about 155 on a 5'10" inch frame. He's a little soft in the midsection, and I still think he's incredibly hot, but I have to admit that even if he decided he wanted to be with a man for the rest of his life, and that man was me, we'd probably last about 35 seconds together. Well, OK, maybe a couple of hours. Our personalities are as diverse as are our bodies. Go figure :)

I'll leave you with this thought, because I want to at least get SOMETHING up on the site tonight... and I promise to write more soon....

As much as I loved thin during my teen years, and yes, even into my 20's 30's and well, I like to look even today, I find something incredibly sexy about this HUGE roll of fat that is hanging over my 62" jeans, not to mention the roll of fat below it that I can't even see. I'm wearing a shirt with a 21" neck, and the buttons just above the belt of my jeans are barely connecting. I have some 64" pants, and I guess I really have a 64" waist, but those pants just go around my fat. These jeans cut into it a little. It's really hot.... hope you think so, too. Please let me know via EMail or by signing my Guest Book.