I was shaking and yelling by then. I was pushing Bryan away from me and all I want is some warmth in my body. I needed more of my drugs and I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it.

Bryan held back and seemed scared at me. I was crying really hard and I wanted my mam. I was mumbling calling for my mam. I knew she couldn't hear me because she wasn't even there with me anymore.

I turned around with my blurry eyes and tried to get off the hospital bed when I saw Mark. He was starring at me as if he was starring straight to my heart. I felt warmth inside me, warmth that I've been longing for. I looked away from him. Still sobbing but didn't want to run anymore. The magic of that look, as if I could find my mam inside him.

That was why I left Jakarta. I left all my old life there. Buried with her forever. That was why I ran to drugs. I needed to escape badly. Even my dad didn't care about me anymore when I told him I wanted to move away to England. I have always loved England but somehow he decided to send me away to Ireland instead.

I thought, heck, it was even better because, as I said earlier, I've always been a great pop fan especially Irish pop. Finally, all I did is just sit there. Crying and shaking, then I felt an arm around my shoulder. I didn't even care anymore whose it was. It was warm and it was all I needed.

'Emily! What's wrong darling? Oh, you poor love!' Why was she here? She couldn't even care less if I die in the middle of the cold alone. Auntie Cecilia was my dad's sister and she was as care less as he was. 'Thank God Westsi...oops, I mean Mark Feehily rang me.'

Now that was why she was there. She knew who Mark Feehily was. She worked in the Irish music industry. She was always sucking everyone up. She had this fake look on her face as if it was saying that when I got home she'd do something bad to me. But since the Westside lads are around she wanted to be as nice as possible.

Bryan saw the look on my face and tried to get Auntie Cecilia out of the way and distracting her. Of course it worked, she wanted to 'get close' to Bryan McFadden. When Bryan and auntie Cecilia were walking towards the door, he turned around and gave me a friendly wink. I didn't know what it was for but soon I found out.