some years later…

"Hunny get up quick, we’re late…" I was waking Bryan up after a long night. I had to get up to go to a conference, and Bryan was off on yet another promotional trip, this for their new single, "If I Close My Eyes" another month apart, another month of endless talking on the phone, another month of separate bedrooms. It all began to take its toll, but I was used to it by now. Bryan got up and sat down at the breakfast bar, "I don’t want to go" he said, looking tired, "I need my rest" … "Have I worn you out THAT much?" I said as I laughed. "Ha, Ha, Ha," he said sarcastically. He had had only a few weeks off in a whole six months and now he was going away again. I guess I couldn’t blame him, at the end of the day it was his career. I would have loved to go with him, Keely and Liam (her son) were going with Shane, but I was left at home. Sometimes coming home after a long day at work all I needed was a cuddle, but Bryan was only there on the phone. "Anyway, I have to get going" I said to him as I moved over to kiss him, we kissed for a while before I let go, "I HAVE to go now, you always do this" I said "Please" he said with a grin on his face and his arms wrapped around me, he was determined not to let go, "no Bryan, you have to go now too," I said pushing his arms off me. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be later than we already were, "I’m going to lunch with Cel and Nath, so I won’t be home till tonight. If you want to get in touch ring on my mobile, not at home okae?" "Hmmmh" he said, clearly more interested in what was in the paper. "Have you seen this?" he asked, "Yes" I said as I looked away, "I don’t see what Mathew is going to achieve out of writing about our love life," I said, Bryan nodded. It was hurting him I knew, to have his life splashed around in papers like this, "I’ll get him today, I’ll kill him" I said, I had just about had more than I could take off the rival papers and now I was going to take it no more. "No," Bryan said, "That won’t solve a thing. As long as you know," he said, "Of course I do," I said, knowing full well that when I was going to see Mathew, I was going to have a few words with him about what he printed daily. "Now look hun, I have to get going. Have a safe flight, miss you lots already," and I kissed him goodbye and walked out of the flat.

at the conference…

In the misty air of all the crowd, a distance away, I spotted Mathew, my first intention was to go over and have a word when I was stopped by Cel, "oh no you don’t" she said, "what?" I asked, again looking innocent as ever, "I know what you are going to do, and I’m not going to let you" she said, "Look Cel," I said, "that arsehole has caused me so much, I just need to give him a piece of my mind. I won’t say anything out of turn, I promise you," she looked at me unsurprisingly unconvinced. But I wasn’t going to let this pass, not now; I had to have my say!

I walked over and saw him, "Mathew," I said, "Rav," he said, "I want a word" I said in a stern voice, "NOW?" I looked at him, my intentions clear, written all over my face, "Rav," he said, "look I know that you’re going to get angry, but just chill out a little, a bit of harmless reporters fun!"

"You bastard," I said, "Who do you think you are, printing pathetic stories about my man and me? You might think that you’re getting the upper hand, but still at the end of the day, you work for the second biggest British paper, whereas me, I still work for the BIGGEST selling one. You are always going to be second best!" he looked at me astonished, Cel quickly ran over towards us, she could tell that I wasn’t just having a quiet word with him. "Rav come on," she said pulling me away from him, "No! Cel, this is my turn now, I’ve had him writing SHIT about me for the past two years, and now I’ve had enough…I’m not taking it not now!" I was getting more and more angry as I thought back at all the things Mathew had written all the times I’d look at Bryan to see that these stories had hurt him, the amount of times people would judge without knowing the facts. All this down to someone who got his job because he knew the editor.

"Listen, Mathew, I’m telling you now, you EVER, EVER write anything about my baby, or any of Westlife for that matter I will make sure you regret it…forever. And yes that is a threat! You’re nothing but a sad pathetic little "Want to be" reporter, you use peoples lives to make a living using the "A close friend" source I’m not stupid you know, I know what you are doing, and if I were you, I’d be damn well ashamed of myself right now…loser!!"

"Come on now" said Cel as she had realised the conversation was becoming a lot more than just heated and intense. She took me away, "Rav, do you realise what you have done?" she asked me, "You’ve just threatened him, what if he goes to the police?" she asked me. "I’ll do him, honestly he has gotten away with this for far too long, Bryan is my family, he’s mine and every time he hurts, I do, I can’t let this go on" "Which is why," Cel said, "You have to rise above it. If you let Mathew know that it is affecting you then he is going to think that he has won. You don’t want to let him think that he has, or do you?" "No, no, that isn’t what I want to do, but have you read the paper today?" I asked whilst handing her an open copy, "He’s got this story about Bryan with a page three model last week, when on that day I clearly remember Bryan telling me that he and Kian were working. I mean why must he persist on trying to destroy what Bryan and I have together?" as Cel looked at the paper, she realised the date, "Rav" she said, "Rav, look at the date that Bryan was "apparently" with this girl," "What" I asked Cel, I mean what did the date have to do with anything, I knew it wasn’t true, so why would the date interest me? "Isn’t this the day that," I looked at the day, "oh no" I said to myself, "20-02, that was the day…" Cel nodded, "no, there has to be a mistake, no, no NO!" unable to soak anything in I got up and ran, I ran and ran until I found myself out of the building. Cel soon followed behind, "Rav, find out where Bryan was that night, cos I know I was with Kian, I was doing the press pack for the fan-club. I told you about it remember." I looked Cel in the eyes, "Cel why? Why is this happening to me?

Bryan and me are perfect I know we are, so why did he tell me he was with Kian, why?" I demanded an explanation, "Rav, only Bryan can answer this, no one but Bryan." I looked up at Cel, "I’m not sure I want to know anymore," I said, she looked at me astonished, "what?" she asked, "Rav you’re not…" "No Cel, Mathew has won, again, he won the last time and he has won again, Bryan’s done it to me again. Come on, tell me that you and everyone else had ‘told me so’, let me hear it" for the first time in her life Cel regretted being right. "I’m going" I told her, "but where Rav?" she asked, "Anywhere" I said, "I’m going to leave, I need to" and I walked away.